Frank Zappa Quotes & Sayings

You're baloney without the mayo. — Frank Zappa

The people of your century no longer require the service of composers. A composer is as useful to a person in a jogging suit as a dinsoaur turd in the middle of his runway. — Frank Zappa

Hey ugly folks, go get some cyanide and die. — Frank Zappa

In every language, the first word after "Mama!" that every kid learns to say is "Mine!" A system that doesn't allow ownership, that doesn't allow you to say "Mine!" when you grow up, has — Frank Zappa

Call any vegetable,
call it by name,
and the chances are good
that the vegetable will respond to you — Frank Zappa

I don't want to see any religious people in public office because they're working for another boss. — Frank Zappa

Two things are universal: Hydrogen and stupidity — Frank Zappa

It seems that the problem with government as an institution is uniformly bad, worldwide. It may be the ONLY thing that binds all nations together - the incompetence of all of their governments ... The unions are the mafia, which is the CIA, which is the Catholic Church, which is the government, which is what's the difference? It's corrupt! It's the same guys pulling these strings, you know? One day he pulls the string and this lamp comes out, the next say he pulls the string and there's a missile coming out. — Frank Zappa

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another. — Frank Zappa

Reality is what it is, not what you want it to be. — Frank Zappa

I'm the devil's advocate. We have our own worshipers. — Frank Zappa

Studied law, but not qualified to practice it. — Frank Zappa

I want a steamy little Jewish Princess with over-worked gums, who squeaks when she cums. I don't want no troll, I just want a Yemenite hole. — Frank Zappa

Hey, you know something people?
I'm not black
But there's a whole lots a times
I wish I could say I'm not white — Frank Zappa

If you want to get together in any exclusive situation and have people love you, fine - but to hang all this desperate sociology on the idea of The Cloud-Guy who has The Big Book, who knows if you've been bad or good - and CARES about any of it - to hang it all on that, folks, is the chimpanzee part of the brain working. — Frank Zappa

Roller-skates and disco are a lot of fun, I'm much too young and stupid to operate a gun. — Frank Zappa

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. — Frank Zappa

Never bend over for a Christian. — Frank Zappa

It's the same mysterious exotic oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on. — Frank Zappa

If lyrics make people do things, how come we don't love each other? — Frank Zappa

Left me here to cry alone with a bottle of juice and pork chop bone. — Frank Zappa

Did he really choose Tammy to do his work? — Frank Zappa

What kind of man can name a child Moon Unit? — Frank Zappa

Ram it up your poop chute. — Frank Zappa

Their stupidity does not amaze me, its when they're smart that amazes me. It's baffling whenever you find someone who's smart - incredible. Soon you'll have zoos for such things. — Frank Zappa

He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my right eye. He took a dog-doo snow cone and stuffed it in my other eye. — Frank Zappa

I can take about an hour on the tower of power, as long as I gets a little golden shower. — Frank Zappa

The poodle bites ; The poodle chews it. — Frank Zappa

Nobody gives a crap if we're great musicians. — Frank Zappa

who are the brain police? — Frank Zappa

King of kings, that must be Elvis. — Frank Zappa

Yeah, I tell them to change the channel if they see some guy in a brown suit with a telephone number at the bottom of the screen asking for money. — Frank Zappa

Suddenly, books are arriving every day! "So many books, so little time. — Frank Zappa

It's fairly obvious, since Richard Nixon, that there is no such thing as a fair deal for any voter in the United States
You're just not gonna get it. It's a joke
the people that you vote for, they're the next best thing to criminals. But of course they have money for advertising campaigns that make them look a little bit better than they actually are. — Frank Zappa

I have four children, and I want them to grow up in a country that has a working First Amendment. — Frank Zappa

Maybe you should stay with your mama, you're kind of stupid and ugly, too. — Frank Zappa

With a tongue like a cow, she could make you go wow. — Frank Zappa

I think that any artistic decision that is based on whether or not you are going to make money it is not really an artistic decision. It is a business decision. And there are a lot of things that I can do to earn a living and a lot of things that I have already done to earn a living which produce the amount of capital needed to do this project. I came here to spend money on an English orchestra and record my music, so I can take it home and I can listen to it. And... if somebody else likes that kind of stuff, I will make it available on a record so that they can hear it. That is my part of the public service of spending the money to make this event happen. No foundation grant, no government assistance, no corporation, no comittee. Just a crazy guy who spent the money to hire English musicians to do a concert at the Barbican and make an album for Barking Pumpkin Records. — Frank Zappa

The last election just laid the foundation of the next 500 years of Dark Ages. — Frank Zappa

Asked random questions about the First Amendment and how they would like to have it applied, if you believe in polls at all, the average American wants no part of it. But if you ask, 'What if we threw the Constitution away tomorrow?' the answer is 'No, that would be bad!' But living under the Constitution is another story altogether. — Frank Zappa

The most abundant element in the Universe is stupidity — Frank Zappa

I'm the best you can get. Have you guessed me yet? I'm the slime oozin' out from your TV set! — Frank Zappa

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible. — Frank Zappa

Elmore James only knew one lick, but you had the feeling that he meant it. — Frank Zappa

I want a horny little Jewish princess. — Frank Zappa

I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin' - there's more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out. — Frank Zappa

Rock music was never written for or performed for conservative tastes. — Frank Zappa

The most important thing in art is The Frame. For painting: literally; for other arts: figuratively
because, without this humble appliance, you can't know where The Art stops and The Real World begins. You have to put a 'box' around it because otherwise, what is that shit on the wall? — Frank Zappa

Without "Louie Louie" a symphony is not quite so grand. — Frank Zappa

Music is the best. — Frank Zappa

The whole music business in the United States is based on numbers, based on unit sales and not on quality. It's not based on beauty, it's based on hype and it's based on cocaine. It's based on giving presents of large packages of dollars to play records on the air. — Frank Zappa

To me absurdity is the only reality — Frank Zappa

Mr. Gorbachev has apparently stumbled onto one of the best-kept secrets in recent Soviet history: Communism doesn't work. — Frank Zappa

There's no reason to assume that my idea of what's better would really be better. I resent it when other people try to inflict their ideas of betterness on me. I don't think they know. And I can't see any authority on the horizon that's got any answers that seem worthwhile. Most of the things that are suggested are probably detrimental to your mental health. — Frank Zappa

Just be glad you don't live in one of those little countries where at this very moment, music is severely restricted, or as it is in Iran, totally illegal. — Frank Zappa

You know, people are basically shitty. It's when they prove it over and over again that it gets obnoxious. — Frank Zappa

Anyone who is disturbed by the idea of newts in a nightclub is potentially dangerous. — Frank Zappa

A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole. — Frank Zappa

Mama stroked his dinger, Daddy got stinky finger. — Frank Zappa

Everything on this planet has something to do with music. Music functions in the realm of sculptured air. — Frank Zappa

Sometimes a radio station will get ONE phone call from ONE person who screams that he is going to complain to the FCC. Instead of the guy at the stating thinking about how many listeners love the song, want to hear it again, and will support the station for playing it, usually the guy panics
and takes my records off the air. I object that.
It has never mattered to me that thirty million people might think 'I'm wrong.' The number of people who thought Hitler was 'right' did not make him 'right.' The same principle should be applied to anyone who has an individualistic attitude. Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a few million people think you are? — Frank Zappa

I am the slime oozing out from your TV set. You will obey me while I lead you, and eat the garbage while I feed you. — Frank Zappa

You've got to be digging it while it's happening 'cause it just might be a one shot deal. — Frank Zappa

Catholic girls with tiny little mustaches. — Frank Zappa

I want a hairy little Jewish Princess with a brand new nose, who knows where it goes. — Frank Zappa

I believe that people have a right to decide their own destinies; people own themselves. I also believe that, in a democracy, government exists because (and only so long as) individual citizens give it a temporary license to exist, in exchange for a promise that it will behave itself. In a democracy, you own the government. It doesn't own you. — Frank Zappa

Stupidity has a certain charm - ignorance does not. — Frank Zappa

I write what I like to write. Those who like to listen to it, listen to it. And the ones who don't, watch football and drink beer, jog, go to discos and so forth. I never claimed to be a man for all seasons. — Frank Zappa

It's a despicable thing to share your personal inner torment for money. — Frank Zappa

It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia. — Frank Zappa

Lf you're going to deal with reality, you're going to have to make one big discovery: Reality is something that belongs to you as an individual. If you wanna grow up, which most people don't, the thing to do is take responsibility for your own reality and deal with it on your own terms. Don't expect that because you pay some money to somebody else or take a pledge or join a club or run down the street or wear a special bunch of clothes or play a certain sport or even drink Perrier water, it's going to take care of everything for you. — Frank Zappa

I proceeded to take that mitten full of the deadly yellow snow crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous circular motion. — Frank Zappa

I don't think there's a problem. First of all, I don't think music turns people into social liabilities. Because you hear a lyric — Frank Zappa

Why doncha come on over to the house and I'll show 'em to ya? — Frank Zappa

The difference between religions and cults is determined by how much real estate is owned. — Frank Zappa

If we cannot be free, we can at least be cheap — Frank Zappa

I don't want to spend my life explaining myself. You either get it, or you don't. — Frank Zappa

Schools train you to be ignorant with style [ ... ] they prepare you to be a usable victim for a military industrial complex that needs manpower. As long as you're just smart enough to do a job and just dumb enough to swallow what they feed you, you're going to be alright [ ... ] So I believe that schools mechanically and very specifically try and breed out any hint of creative thought in the kids that are coming up. — Frank Zappa

Anything Anytime Anyplace For No Reason At All (or AAAFNRAA) — Frank Zappa

Disco boy, no one understands, but thank the lord you still got hands. — Frank Zappa

He likes to flirt with all the boys in the class. — Frank Zappa

Your mind is totally controlled, it has been stuffed into my mold. And you will do as you are told, until the rights to you are sold. — Frank Zappa

It is always advisable to be a loser if you cannot become a winner — Frank Zappa

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but in the very least you need a beer. — Frank Zappa

Americans like to talk about (or be told about) Democracy but, when put to the test, usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.' We have opted instead for an authoritarian system disguised as a Democracy. We pay through the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government, let it push us around, and then wonder how all those assholes got in there. — Frank Zappa

Find her, blind her, see who designed her. Act like a dummy until you grind her. — Frank Zappa

So, if music is the best, what is music? Anything can be music, but it doesn't become music until someone wills it to be music, and the audience listening to it decides to perceive it as music.
Most people can't deal with that abstraction
or don't want to. They say: Gimme the tune. Do I like this tune? Does it sound like another tune that I like? The more familiar it is, the better I like it. Hear those three notes there? Those are the three notees I can sing along with. I like those notes very, very much. Give me a beat. Not a fancy one. Give me a GOOD BEAT
something I can dance to. It has to go boom-bap, boom-boom-BAP. If it doesn't, I will hate it very, very much. Also, I want it right away
andthen, write me some more songs like that
over and over and over again, because I'm really into music. — Frank Zappa

Let's be realistic about this, the guitar can be the single most blasphemous device on the face of the earth. That's why I like it ... The disgusting stink of a too-loud electric guitar: now that's my idea of a good time. — Frank Zappa

You can't escape the puking sphinx. — Frank Zappa

Shut Up and Play your Guitar. — Frank Zappa

Well Mike, I'm abnormal. — Frank Zappa

Music, in performance, is a type of sculpture. The air in the performance is sculpted into something. — Frank Zappa

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. — Frank Zappa

Find you a bridge and take a jump. Just make certain you do it right the first time, cause nothing's worse than a suicide chump. — Frank Zappa

Censoring what you say is one of the ways in which people who are not nice can take away your personal freedom. — Frank Zappa

The first thing you have to do if you want to raise nice kids, is you have to talk to them like they are people instead of talking to them like they're property. — Frank Zappa

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff. — Frank Zappa

I write the music I like. If other people like it, fine, they can go buy the albums. And if they don't like it, there's always Michael Jackson for them to listen to. — Frank Zappa

Music is the only religion that delivers the goods. — Frank Zappa

A wise man once said, never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment. — Frank Zappa