Emma Chase Quotes & Sayings

Here's an interesting fact: how you eat a gingerbread man says a lot about your personality. Head-first eaters are ambitious, independent, and magnetic. Feet-first are the more artistic, creative types, and those who start with the hands are kind and nurturing. Same rules apply to chocolate Easter bunnies. — Emma Chase

Did you mix the flour with water before you added it?
Water? Martha didn't say anything about water. That bitch. — Emma Chase

Can I have a pony?"
Oh, boy.
I think about it for exactly one second.
"Absolutely."
She squeezes me tighter and squeals.
"Only ... don't tell mommy until after it's delivered, okay? — Emma Chase

How many wives have told their husbands, "I'm fine," when they really mean, "I want to cut your balls off with a butcher knife"? How many men have told their girlfriends, "You look fine," when they really mean, "You need to go back to the gym and work out - a lot." It's the universal way of saying we're just peachy - when we're really anything but. — Emma Chase

I tell them how it is, give them a good time and then the cab fare home. Thank you, good night. Don't call me, 'cause I sure as shit won't be calling you. — Emma Chase

It's simple guy logic: If a woman is angry? It means she cares. If you're in a relationship and a chick can't even be bothered to yell at you? You're screwed. Indifference is a woman's kiss of death. It's the equivalent of a man not interested in sex. In either case - it's over. You're done. — Emma Chase

When Good gave Eve that extra rib? He should have given us something extra too. Like mental telepathy. — Emma Chase

There are so few people in the world who have the chance and the power to change it. But we can, — Emma Chase

Fuck you!"
She stalks back around my desk toward the door.
"Here? Now?" I look up at the ceiling, like I'm debating the prospect. "Well ... okay. But be gentle. My couch is a virgin. — Emma Chase

Whoever invented the
front-clasp bra? God bless you. — Emma Chase

No man wants to fuck a skeleton - and nibbling crackers and water like a prisoner of war at dinner isn't attractive. It just makes us think about what a cranky bitch you're going to be later on because you're starving. If a guy's into you? A cheeseburger deluxe is not going to scare him away. And if he's not? Ingesting all the greens on Peter Cottontail's farm isn't going to change that, trust me. — Emma Chase

And any man who would build a room in his house for some chick who blew him off? Any man
who would wait years for that same girl to show up at his door, knowing she was with someone else?
He's not a man at all."
"What is he?"
"A big, hairy, unwaxed vagina. — Emma Chase

But the Anderson thing isn't over yet. And as I've said before - this, my friends, is war. I'm talking DEFCON-one, gloves-off, I'll-knock-you-down-even-if-you-are-a-girl war. You wouldn't give a bullet to a sniper who's got his gun aimed at your forehead, would you? — Emma Chase

Most stories finish at the end.
But not this one.
This one finishes with a whole new beginning. — Emma Chase

In light of this, I'm not too disturbed about the semi I'm sporting while watching Beauty and the Beast - part of the homework Erin gave me. I like Belle. She's hot. Well ... for a cartoon, anyway. She reminds me of Kate. She's resourceful. Smart. And she doesn't take any shit from the Beast or that douchebag with the freakishly large arms — Emma Chase

Delores is a gorgeous name, for a gorgeous girl. Plus, it rhymes with clitoris ... and I really know my way around them. Big fan. — Emma Chase

I wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead with more tenderness than I ever knew I was capable of. — Emma Chase

Brent and I are ... friends.
And fuck me, the benefits are fantastic — Emma Chase

It's important that a woman doesn't feel like the ugly sister. The second, lesser choice. That's a bitterness that won't sweeten. — Emma Chase

How about we go to my
place? It's just around the corner."
Ah, thanks - but no thanks. Redhead has quickly become a fading memory. My sights are set on
better, more intriguing prospects. I'm about to tell her so when another redhead appears beside her.
"This is my sister, Mandy. I told her all about you. She thought the three of us could ... you
know ... have a good time."
I turn my gaze on Redhead's sister - her twin, actually. And just like that, my plans change. I
know, I know ... I said I don't ride the same coaster twice. But twin coasters?
Let me tell you, no man would pass up a ride like that. — Emma Chase

And I've been trying everything I can think of since to make up for it - short of tattooing her name on my ass and streaking across Yankee Stadium.
I was saving that for next week. — Emma Chase

Women fall in love quicker than men. Easier and more often. But when guys fall? We go down harder. And when things go bad? When it's not us who ends it? We don't get to walk away.
We crawl. — Emma Chase

Billy, honey, could you get me another drink from the bar? I'm almost done with this one. Kate
pulls on his arm, cutting off what I'm sure would have been a brilliant retort.
Are you feeling the sarcasm? — Emma Chase

She was my first crush. The first woman I ever masturbated about. My first Mrs. Robinson-like, older-woman fantasy. Sister Mary Beatrice Dugan. Yep, you heard me right - she's a nun. But not just any nun, kiddies. Sister Beatrice was a NILF. I don't need to spell that one our for you, do I? — Emma Chase

I shrug, trying to seem cool and unaffected. "Might look a bit too 'Putin' on the horse." He — Emma Chase

Ignorance might feel like bliss, but when you peel away the happy layer, it's still just a lack of information. — Emma Chase

I want to change the world with you at my side, holding your hand. I love you, Sarah, and whatever happens, I promise there won't be a day that I don't love you with all that I am. — Emma Chase

How many rooms does it have?"

"Five hundred eighty-seven, not including the staff bedrooms." He leans up and licks the shell of my ear, making the wet and quivering plan come to fruition. His next words almost make me come on the spot. "And I want to fuck you in every one of them by the end of the summer."

"That's ambitious," I tease, nuzzling him. "Do you plan on stopping to feed me?"

His hand skims down my back, cradling my ass. "You'll be well taken care of, I promise."

I promise. You know what that is? Yep - Famous. Last. Words. — Emma Chase

And another thing - I've heard my sister and her little friends have their chats too. Some of the things that came out of their mouths could've made Larry fucking Flynt blush. So don't act like women don't talk just as much as us guys do ... because I know for a fact they do. — Emma Chase

Flowers. Lots of women say they don't want them. But every woman is happy when they get them.
Which is why I've arranged to have them delivered to Kate's office, every hour on the hour. Seven dozen at a time. That's one dozen for every day we were apart. — Emma Chase

Sometimes a guy can't become a man until he's met the right woman. — Emma Chase

Like I said, I am typically an observant man. Sherlock Holmes and I, we could hang out. — Emma Chase

Of course not, Drew. Why should you chase anyone, when you're so content to tlet everyone chase you? — Emma Chase

It doesn't count as a lie if the person you're lying to knows it's a lie. — Emma Chase

As I finally reach our floor, panting and sweating, I see Kate leisurely leaning against her office door, coat off, a glass of water in hand. She offers it to me, along with that breathtaking smile of hers. — Emma Chase

And yet, I just can't be bothered to give a damn. I want Olivia. In my bed, on my cock, over my face. And I want her to know it. You — Emma Chase

And no girl wants to be called by the wrong name when she's on her knees giving you head in the men's room. So, just to be safe, I went with baby. — Emma Chase

What is that?" I ask.

"It's my dog."

"No. No, I have dogs. Dogs are descended from wolves. That's descended from a rat." I look again. "An ugly rat. — Emma Chase

I can almost feel it in my own heart - the breaking of his. — Emma Chase

You deserve a man who knows what the right thing is, and who does it. I want ... Christ I want to be that for you. — Emma Chase

So Mackenzie, have you decided what you want to be when you grow up?"
"Yep. I wanna be a princess. And i wanna mary a prince and live in a castle."
I need to talk to my sister. Disney is dangerous. — Emma Chase

Edward Cullen can take his stupid heroine and OD on it. Kate is my own personal brand of Viagra. — Emma Chase

I love you, Olivia. I love you. And I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to let you go. — Emma Chase

That's because stacked on and around her desk, in neat skyscraper-high columns, are books. About three dozen of them. For a moment, I freeze, my mouth open and my eyes wide with shock. Then, inanely, I wonder how the hell she got them all up here. Kate weighs a buck-ten at best. There's got to be several hundred pounds of pages in this room. It's then that her shiny dark head emerges over the horizon. And, once again, she smiles. Like a cat with a mouthful of bird. — Emma Chase

The chicken Marsala I made looks ... unique now that it's actually out of the oven and on our plates.
Okay it's fucking frightening. I admit it. — Emma Chase

Yes - and that's exactly what Daddy's going to be getting if he doesn't stop laughing right now." James's eyes go wide and he tries to warn me. "No poosy, Daddy. — Emma Chase

In the hallowed hall where one of my ancestors, Crazy King Clifford II, once wore his crown - and nothing else. Because he was hot. We're not supposed to talk about him. Finally, — Emma Chase

Because apparently One Direction's superpower is instant friendship. Someone should ship them to the Middle East so they can get to work on that Israel-Palestine thing. — Emma Chase

You know I'm not a girl who cares to see Or gives a damn what anyone thinks of me I go down hard, I stand my ground But whenever you come around I'm helpless Baby, I don't stand a chance — Emma Chase

Her hands comb through the back of my hair gently. "When did you know?"
I smile. "The first time you let me come inside you without a rubber. — Emma Chase

I want to be a better man for you and because I love you so much, I actually believe I can be. — Emma Chase

You have the maturity of a 14-year-old boy!" Kennedy hisses.
"And you have the chest of one. — Emma Chase

The important thing is, if you can make it
through the rough, unexpected times? That light at the end of the tunnel is worth all the shit you had to wade through to get there.
That's something I'll never forget. I'm reminded of it every time I look at Kate. Every time I look at our son.
When it's all said and done? The payoff is way more than fucking worth it. — Emma Chase

When it comes to a woman's past, no guy wants to hear about it. I don't care if you've fucked one guy or a hundred, keep it to yourself. — Emma Chase

Although my mind recognizes that Kate Brooks is now my rival, apparently my cock hasn't gotten the memo. — Emma Chase

Why is it that whenever a woman is justifiably upset, the guy always blames it on PMS?"

Please. I've been on the receiving end of Alexandra's premenstrual-induced psychosis often enough to recognize the signs. — Emma Chase

For you guys out there who think looking doesn't hurt? You're wrong. Because we women don't think you're just enjoying the view. We think you're comparing, finding us lacking. And that stings. Like a paper cut on your eyeball. — Emma Chase

Baby, if you let me take you out of here, I'll give the word pleasure a whole new meaning. - Drew Evans — Emma Chase

I'm gonna go hang myself in my closet now." After she's gone, I ask, "Is she joking?" "She's seventeen. It depends on the day. — Emma Chase

You're brilliant and funny. You're protective and caring. You shine so bright, Drew. Everything you do - how you think, the things you say, the way you move - it's ... blinding. I feel ... lucky, just being close to you. — Emma Chase

No, I haven't fucked her. Not that I wouldn't love to. Trust me, if she didn't work for me, I'd hit that harder than Mohammed Ali. — Emma Chase

I have money. I have properties I didn't buy, cars and carpets, antiques and jewels-and none of them means a damn to me if I don't have her. So-give me a number. — Emma Chase

Her lips are moving. I know she's trying to tell me something.
What it is? No clue.
"I don't even know what that means!"
She points her finger at me. And hops up and down. "Yes, you do! You're just purposely not seeing my point to drive me crazy."
No, I'm really not. Because judging from this conversation? She's already there.
And then a thought occurs to me. "Are you on the rag?"
Her mouth opens wide. And you might want to take a step back, because I think her head might actually explode. — Emma Chase

So, if you think I'm arrogant? Selfish? Spoiled? You're probably right. But don't hold it against me. It's not my fault. I am a product of how I was raised. — Emma Chase

Anyone worth doing, is worth doing well. — Emma Chase

You've heard the freshmen fifteen? Be prepared for the Shaw twenty. — Emma Chase

I can't make out what they're saying; it sounds like: hiss, blah, she hiss, squeak. But the aunt appears to speak the native language. — Emma Chase

Why are you afraid all the time?" he asks, not in a nasty way but with simple curiosity.

"I'm not. I just like . . . consistency."

"Consistency is boring."

"It's safe. If you know what's coming, you're never caught off guard."

Henry rolls his eyes.

"Why are you sad all the time?" I ask.

"I'm not sad - I'm pitiful. There's a difference. — Emma Chase

She talks like you. It's not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who's only holding Cinderella back."
"That's my girl. — Emma Chase

Who says that? Who the hell uses the word ravishing? Douchebags - that's who. — Emma Chase

Because the greatest part of a road trip isn't arriving at your destination. It's all the wild stuff that happens along the way. — Emma Chase

If nightmers can come true, and sometimes they do... than so can our happiest dreams. — Emma Chase

Hell, a guy could love a woman and still fuck ten others. It's just the way it is. — Emma Chase

Some women can handle a one-night stand. Others can't. And I have definitely been on the wrong end of those who can't. It ain't pretty. — Emma Chase

She's like a Rubik's Cube. So frustrating at times that you want to toss it out the goddamn window. But you don't. You can't. You're compelled to keep playing with it until you figure it out. — Emma Chase

Women. No offense. But she doesn't even realize what she just said. These are her accomplishments. Challenges she's lived through. Shithead was just standing along for the ride. In the background. Like wallpaper. You can change the color of the walls anytime, and it might look different, but the room's still the same. — Emma Chase

We ordered food a few hours ago and worked through dinner. I had pasta with chicken, while
Kate preferred a turkey club with fries on the side. Much as I hate to admit it, I'm impressed.
Obviously, she doesn't subscribe to the "I can only eat salads in front of the opposite sex" rule of
thumb a lot of chicks swear by. Who gave women that idea? Like a guy's going to say to his friend,
"Dude, she was one fugly chick, but once I saw her chomping that romaine, I just had to nail her. — Emma Chase

Newsflash, ladies: We can't read your thoughts. And frankly, I'm not entirely sure I'd want to. The female mind is a scary place to be. — Emma Chase

We broke up in eighth grade when Tara-Mae Forrester offered to let me touch her boobs. And I did. — Emma Chase

Then I flip Kate the finger. Immature, I know, but apparently we're now both functioning at the preschool level, so I'm guessing it's okay. Kate sneers at me. Then she mouths, You wish. Well - she's got me there, now doesn't she? — Emma Chase

Fine's a funny word, don't you think? I don't think there's another like it in the English language that says so much while actually saying so little. — Emma Chase

It doesn't much matter what you say when you're screwing anyway. Or how you do it. Slow and
gentle or fast and violent - it's the feelings behind it that make it mean something. That make it mean
everything.
Christ, am I enlightened or what? Aren't you proud of me? You should be. — Emma Chase

A knight in tarnished armor is still a knight. When — Emma Chase

Then in one move, I pick up his plate - and smash the apple pie in his stupid, handsome face. "Kiss this, asshole." I straighten up and slap the check down. "Here's your bill; leave the money on the table. There's the door - use it before I come back with my baseball bat and show you why they used to call me Babe Ruthette." I — Emma Chase

I've been arrested - spent time in lockup with genuinely dangerous guys. I've been in street fights without rules where no one was coming to break it up - and I've won. I've conquered the insurmountable challenge of earning a law degree and dealing with the self-centered jackasses who are my clients without committing aggravated assault. It's a diaper. How hard could it be? I — Emma Chase

Maybe you'll understand my point of view if I put it this way. You brush your teeth, right? Well,
suppose your favorite toothpaste is Aquafresh. But the store is out. All they have is Colgate. What are you
going to do? You're going to use the Colgate, right?
You may want to brush with Aquafresh, but when all is said and done, you use what you have to keep
those pearly whites clean. See my way of thinking? Good. — Emma Chase

Fuck off!
I used to have a way with women.
If the word fuck came out to play, it was always followed by me and then words like harder, please, and my friend, more.
Those were the days. — Emma Chase

Have you ever heard that old joke about juries? Do you really want to be judged by twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty? Yes-that's exactly who you want judging you. Because juries are people unfamiliar with the letter of the law. And those are people who can be swayed-by lots of elements that have absolutely nothing to do with facts. — Emma Chase

You're not like anyone I've ever known. I want to be with you ... really be with you. Only you. I've never felt this way about anyone. And I know I sound like a freaking Hallmark card, but it's true. I've never wanted all the things I want to have when I'm with you. — Emma Chase

I've never known my mother to be wrong. About anything. So at this moment, her opinion is my most valuable resource. — Emma Chase

If I'm just sick, then I can take some aspirin, get some sleep, and I'll feel better. I'll be me again. Eventually. But if I admit I'm crushed, if I acknowledge that my heart has been shattered into a thousand fucking shards ... then I don't known when I'll ever be all right again. Maybe never.
So I get back into bed. To wait it out.
Till I'm over the flu. — Emma Chase

Anyway. Give me your ten."
"I've had sex with more than ten women in one week."
Cancun. Spring Break 2004. Mexico is awesome.
"Uck. Is that supposed to impress me? — Emma Chase

Don't put off till tomorrow anyone you could be doing today. — Emma Chase

Apparently, I've grown a conscience. I don't know when it happened. I don't know how it happened, but I'm not happy about it.
If I could, I would squash that Jiminy Cricket fucker like the roach he is. — Emma Chase

I woke up and you weren't here."

Her eyes drift over my arms and chest, laden with weaponry. "What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving."

Her brows pinch. "Where . . . where are you going?"

When I speak, I barely recognize my own voice.

"I'm going to find your father, and then I'm going to kill him. Badly. I thought it'd be rude not to ask if you'd like to come along and watch. — Emma Chase

Cover your knobber before you bob her - that's — Emma Chase

I sink into the chaise lounge in my bedroom, throw a soft, velour blanket over my legs, open my book - and block out the world. ~ — Emma Chase

She took my razor and kicked me out. Unlike women, guys don't need privacy. There is no bodily function a man won't perform in front of an audience.
We have no shame. — Emma Chase

I expect my sister to be compassionate about my heart ache. Gentle. Sympathetic.
What i get is, "you're a goddamn idiot, you know that, Drew?"
I bat you were starting to wonder why we call her The Bitch. Well, here you go. — Emma Chase

The racket reverberates down the second staircase and spills out into the kitchen, and the two screeching, running kids who are making it do laps around the island like a fucked-up Hunger Games version of ring-around-the-rosy. — Emma Chase