Elliott James Quotes & Sayings

Have you ever tried to use your eyes to tell someone that you want them, that because of them you're going to do the best you can to survive but that you're willing to die if that's the cost of putting yourself between them and anything that means them harm? That you don't care if they're playing you, or if what you have is really love, or if the two of you have a shot at lasting, that the very fact that they exist has made you come back to life in some way that's terrifying and exhilarating? A few seconds isn't long enough, especially when the person you're looking at is staring back as if she wants to pull you inside her and crush the two of you into one being. — Elliott James

One of the hardest things on the nerves is to wait for a fight that may or may not happen... — Elliott James

She didn't drink wine, and even if she did, I didn't know if red or white was appropriate for telling a woman that you want to kill her former lover. Do they have greeting cards for that sort of thing? — Elliott James

Popular young adult novels notwithstanding, vampires only sparkle when they burn. — Elliott James

Most people never question the core beliefs they grow up with," Emil confirmed. "You can look back on any culture five hundred years later and wonder how they could have ever believed some of the contradictory or flat-out insane things they accepted as law or common sense. — Elliott James

Sig idly stuck her index finger in her cup of steaming-hot coffee and stirred it. I couldn't decide it it was mildly erotic or mildly disgusting. — Elliott James

it's an attitude that mostly comes from immaturity, low self-esteem, and feelings of social powerlessness, and adolescence is a petri dish for those kinds of breeding conditions. I — Elliott James

The vampires weren't the only ones who thought you were dead," Sig observed as she cut her double order of French toast into dainty little bite-size portions. "I'm going to shove a cell phone so far up your ass that you're going to burp ringtones. — Elliott James

Molly reached over and patted my shoulder. "It's OK, sweetie. I'm a lesbian." "That's it. I definitely want myself a new priest," Choo said. "Episcopalians will let anybody in," Molly agreed. "It's all the drinking that goes on at our conferences. Half the time when our bishops are raising their hands to vote, they think they're ordering another scotch. — Elliott James

A nix who kept changing her appearance was selling something she called moonshine — Elliott James

Sir Galahad the chaste is being tempted by a castle full of seductive temptresses. He winds up getting strong-armed out of the place by Sir Lancelot just as Galahad is about to punish the naughty vixens with some spankings. "Hold on," Galahad kept protesting. "I can handle a little bit of peril. It's a knight's job to face peril. I think I should definitely stay here and face the peril." Samuel — Elliott James

You're kind of acting like a dick," I tried. "What are you doing?" Simon demanded. "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were playing some weird game where we made completely obvious statements," I explained. — Elliott James

Pinky: I've been in this kind of situation before. Fourth finger: I've felt these feelings before. Middle finger: I've survived them every time. Index finger: Everybody dies eventually. Thumb: That includes my enemies. — Elliott James

By the texting of your thumb, something wicked this way comes? I — Elliott James

I reached my hand out and held it palm open next to hers, and after a moments hesitation she took my hand and squeezed it. I felt absurdly happy.
We were a couple of badass monster killers all right. Maybe on the way back to Choo's she'd let me buy her an ice cream cone. — Elliott James

If he wore any expression at all, it was a look that said, "Take your damned photo and hurry up about it before I have my manservant kill you." It — Elliott James

Well," I said. "If we keep running, maybe we'll find a big red button that says PRESS HERE IN CASE OF ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE." "Oh, good," Sig said. "I was afraid you hadn't thought this through either. — Elliott James

OK, but you maybe saved my life, and you've seen me naked," I said. "In some countries we just got married. Can i at least know what name you go by? — Elliott James

You're really going to leave me like this?" "You have hands." She plunged her head back into the shower jet. "I was raised Catholic," I protested. "I only do that alone and with feelings of intense shame, the way God intended. — Elliott James

Sig is like that. She tends to have an "it takes a village" attitude toward monster hunting. I have mostly hunted supernatural predators alone, partly because I had no choice and partly because I'm an idiot. — Elliott James

Sometimes, the universe just does what the universe wants to do, and screw you if you can't take a joke. I — Elliott James

What?" I said. "It's the smart play." "That's what," she responded. "This is usually the part where you explain how it's strategically necessary for you to go in there alone and naked with nothing but a pair of fingernail clippers." "I don't have to try to impress you anymore," I explained. "We're already having sex. — Elliott James

I'd be lying if I said all those thoughts didn't run through my crotch as soon as we made eye contact. I mean, mind. They ran through my mind. Samuel — Elliott James

I live like a Nazi war criminal or a serial killer... like I have something to be ashamed of. — Elliott James

I wanted to live, and the knowledge filled me with a fierce and exultant joy until I felt like flame in a world made of paper. I wanted to live. — Elliott James

For a certain type of person, running toward the things that scare them is the only thing that gives them any sense of control. — Elliott James

The woman set Sig's chocolate orgy out in front of her and deposited my steak on the table.
"Y'all must work out," the waitress observed a little sourly. She apparently did not.
"I'm going to throw this up later," Sig said expressionlessly.
"I have a tapeworm," I said cheerfully. — Elliott James

I called you because I wanted to hear your voice," I said. "You're learning," Sig observed. "You didn't miss a beat there." "Buy toothpaste." "What?" Sig asked. "Oops, sorry," I said. "I read off the wrong note card." She — Elliott James

I tried to get back at her by adopting some seductive poses of my own to torment her with, but that just made her laugh hysterically, which sort of defeated the purpose. But — Elliott James

I disbelieved what he was saying so hard that I probably created an alternate universe where it wasn't true. — Elliott James

a campus security officer who'd been waiting quietly in the corner of a stairwell landing told us that the top of the building was off-limits. He had an unlit cigarette in his mouth and a cell phone in his hands and looked for all the world like we'd just caught him about to take an unauthorized text and smoke break. What didn't quite jibe with that image was that most campus security guards don't look like they pick their teeth with a chainsaw, and their sidearms aren't made for moose hunting. — Elliott James

If my memory serves, teenagers always know more than adults think they do, and the same teenagers always understand what they know a little less than they think they do. All that intensity and lack of experience and attempts to compensate with cynicism make it hard to sort out nuances. "Yeah, — Elliott James

life doesn't have any respect for dramatic pauses. — Elliott James

I've got this thing I do when my mind starts to spiral before a fight. I unfold my fingers and concentrate on them one by one until my feelings narrow into focused calm. I associate each finger with a specific phrase, and if I have time, I recite them to myself like mantras. — Elliott James

That's the problem with arguing with Sig. We start at point A and then go straight to step thirteen and wind up in phase orange and then, you know, we're in the linen aisle looking for windshield wipers. I — Elliott James

here's probably something ironic about werewolves gathering in the back of a Piggly Wiggly, but — Elliott James

I'm a mean mother-hmmnhmmnh man of God," she informed me. "Except that I'm a woman, of course."
"You just quoted something, didn't you?" I asked.
"Yes, I did," Molly agreed. She seemed calm but her heart was beating fat. "From Dusk Till Dawn. Its a vampire movie with George Clooney."
"Is it too late to get a different priest?" Choo wondered. "Like maybe one who quotes The Bible? — Elliott James

I just don't like the idea of going down that hole tomorrow with this thing hanging over you and me like..." She stopped and struggled for a good simile.
"Like an open airplane storage locker?" I offered.
(...)
"I like the 'open airplane storage compartment' thing better. It means there's a journey with lots of baggage."
"And things being balanced precariously," I added.
"And a lack of closure," she said.
"Ok," I admitted. "I could start bullshitting about frequent flier miles or something, but I cant really think of any more good ones. — Elliott James

I considered pushing Chai a little more just to see what would happen. There were all sorts of ways to play with the idea of a werewolf therapist being James Bond. Live and Let Cry. No wait, would Live and Let It All Out be better? Live and Let Chai? Full Moonraker. The Spy Who Emotionally Displaced Needs onto Me. Dr. Noooooarrrhgggh! — Elliott James

I found my destination a few miles outside Swelling: a lone, squat, brown bar called The Inn of the Line...The place looked like a dive. Maybe even a plunge. Hell, it was a drowning accident. — Elliott James

I will say that as far as I know, only in English are the words "self" and "conscious" put together to mean something bad. My — Elliott James

Wait," I said while Sig was throwing my belt across the room. My shirt was on top of an end table and she was stepping out of her pants while my foot held them pressed against the floor. "What?" She gasped. "I'm withholding sex to get back at you for that shower," I explained. "The hell," she said. It wasn't a question so much as a warning. "Hold on," I said. She stared at me. "Okay, I'm finished." I grabbed her and pulled her over onto the bed. — Elliott James

Coffee is one of the few constants in my life," I explained. "No matter where I go, no matter how crappy a day I'm having, no matter what kind of mood I'm in, coffee is always there to make me feel a little better. — Elliott James

You know you're in a college town when there's a restaurant called "Pancakea." The establishment was a pancake/coffee house, and Choo, Molly, Sig, and I were sitting in a booth arguing about the place and its name and their relative merits. I thought the name was a take on panacea, implying that pancakes are a cure for everything. Sig thought the owner wanted the place to become the IKEA of pancakes. Molly thought that given how large the pancakes were, the title might be a riff on Pangea, the first continental landmass. We all agreed that the owner was probably an ex-college student who couldn't get a job with his or her major, but we couldn't agree on whether that major was philosophy, marketing, anthropology, or just heavy drinking. — Elliott James

Canadians don't get curious when American tourists buy lots of food," I said. "If the guy thought about it all, he probably figured I wanted to take the doughnuts home, or to my church group or academic conference or whatever."
Sig eyed my clothes doubtfully. "How did he know you were American?"
"I made sure I talked loud," I said. — Elliott James

TEN THINGS THAT PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T READ THE FIRST BOOK REALLY OUGHT TO KNOW.

I. One day, your father and mother were hugging, and they began to have special feelings. Warm feelings that tingled in their private places. It is likely they weren't wearing any clothes. At any rate, they began to rub against each other like two sticks trying to start a fire, and nine months later, you were born. If this is news to you, please put this book down now. There may well be big bad wolves and evil witches and fairies in the pages that follow, but I promise you, this isn't a children's story. — Elliott James

That's what the ancient Greeks thought life was," I said. "A distraction that ends badly. — Elliott James

Watching you try to be a smooth manipulator is like watching a moose do ballet. What did you do, read Machiavelli for Dummies? Or — Elliott James

My girlfriend was agreeing not to remove anyone's vital organs with a salad fork for my sake. It was a sweet moment. Too — Elliott James

Charming's a pain in the ass, but he finds trouble the way a hog roots out truffles. The best thing to do for now is let him loose and follow the trail of bodies." "It — Elliott James

A portable CD player played some kind of new age stuff that sounded like aborigine instruments being used to help a woman imitate Enya. At any rate, there was definitely a bull-roarer and a didgeridoo in there somewhere. — Elliott James

I was sad but it felt like the sadness was pouring out of me instead of poisoning me. I felt like I had been sleeping in the dark, not knowing I was in a coffin until someone pried the lid off. It hurt, but it was good, the way love is supposed to be. — Elliott James

Ever since I started hanging around you, it's more like 'Oh, look, something messed up is going on. Let's poke it And see what happens. Wow, it's even bigger and more messed-up than it looked like. Let's poke it again. Oh my God, where did those giant flaming woodchucks come from? — Elliott James