Diana Rowland Quotes & Sayings

I opened my mouth to tell him he was full of shit, to tell him I knew he'd thrown me under the bus, but all that came out was, Braaiinns. — Diana Rowland

When I eat brains I don't smell like rotten meat. — Diana Rowland

Ryan stared at me as I pulled my phone out to see who was calling at this late
hour. "You have the Fraggle Rock theme song as your ring tone," he said, with a
bemused look on his face. "You are so weird. — Diana Rowland

I clung to the pain like a badge of honor. Blood dripped in a slow splatter from a deep gash in my forearm, and my left knee throbbed from a vicious twist, but I couldn't suppress my grin. I dragged my sleeve across my face to clear some of the sweat and grime, and squinted at the massive demon who crouched beside the white trunks of grove trees a dozen feet across the clearing. — Diana Rowland

You're pretty smart for a Fed."
"I missed a bunch of questions on the entrance exam on purpose so that I could
get into the agency, — Diana Rowland

The over-weight and out of shape guy who owned the house had apparently decided that having a half-million dollar house meant that he couldn't afford to hire someone to clean out his gutters. Now he was dead with what looked to me like a broken neck after the ladder had slipped. He'd taken the plunge into his fancy landscaping - complete with rock garden. But hey, his fucking gutters were clean. — Diana Rowland

Just because I'm insane doesn't mean I have to act all crazy. — Diana Rowland

I'm finally getting my life together. Too bad I had to die first. — Diana Rowland

I was relieved to see some color come back
to his face after he ate, though he still had dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't slept for a week. I thought I had the monopoly on those. — Diana Rowland

Angel, I have no idea how you can stand this stench," he said. "Derrel's been doing this for long enough that I think he doesn't have any smell receptors left, but you ... ?" He grimaced as he snapped pictures of the skull and the injury while I held the body in position for him. "You are one tough chick." Then his eyes crinkled, and even though he had the mask on, I could tell he was grinning at me. "Or maybe you're seriously sick and twisted, in which case you are so in the right line of work."
I laughed. "Gotta be the second one," I said. "I'm not tough! — Diana Rowland

I had a black belt in redneck pissed off bitch dirty fighting. — Diana Rowland

Both the zombie mafia and the rebel zombie alliance could suck my white trash undead ass. — Diana Rowland

Hey," I said before he could say anything else that would make the mood even weirder or break it entirely. "You wanna grab some coffee or something someday? I mean, some time when I'm not crawling with maggots," I added with a laugh that sounded nervous to my own ears and probably sounded desperate and pathetic to his. I totally braced myself for him to hem and haw and say that he couldn't or had a girlfriend or something. I was shocked instead when he gave me a nod.
"That sounds nice. And I'm cool with the no maggots thing too. — Diana Rowland

I ran my fingers around the interior of the skull getting the last few clumps of brain mater and sucked them from my fingers like icing from a mixing bowl. Desperately not wanting to wipe my mouth, I straightened and moved to the surviving gun man, crouched and did a quick pat down to make sure he didn't have another gun on him. No weapons but I did find a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in his shirt pocket. Grinning down at him I pulled the cigarette out and stuck it between my bloody lips and lit it, even allowed myself one sweet drag. Just one, didn't want to waste too many brains. But damn the moment called for it. I was reformed but I'd never be perfect. And that was okay with me. — Diana Rowland

God damn there is nothing better tasting in the whole damn world than warm brains when you were shot the hell up, like a cold beer after a long hot day of working in the yard. — Diana Rowland

With that I turned into a punching, struggling, kicking psycho redneck zombie bitch. — Diana Rowland

How could I be mad? I got to sleep with a kitten. — Diana Rowland

The memory of the previous nights fun and games rose again. Hell this whole week had been weird. With the attack at the boat launch being the shit flavored ice cream on top of the crazy pie. — Diana Rowland

Good morning!" my partner, Derrel, said in an insanely cheerful voice. "I need my Angel to come out and play. — Diana Rowland

I replaced the elbow with my knee and grabbed his throat as I knelt on top of him. Then reached my other hand to grab hold of his balls. A part of me wish I could bring myself bite his damn cock off. But eew. — Diana Rowland

But then again, I was about as far from touchy-feely as you could get. Unless you're fucking me, don't put your hands on me. — Diana Rowland

What did the zombie say to the whore?
Keep the tip! — Diana Rowland

Hey, look, I thought with a miserable laugh, this day just got worse. — Diana Rowland

You're all angles and elbows right now." I gave him a sour look. "You certainly know how to make a girl feel sexy."
He grinned. "Well, how about: If anyone can make an oversize polyester uniform look hot, it's you. — Diana Rowland

Welcome to death. — Diana Rowland

I just can't believe you fucked that thing !" he retorted, voice rough with what I coud only assume was utter distain. "Why ... why would you do that ?"
( ... )
"Because I'm lonely ! " I exploded, standing and nearly tipping the stool over. "Because I've only ever had two boyfriends, and they were shitty in bed, and they never stayed very long anyway. I had this incredibly gorgeous guy wanting to kiss me and make love to me and I wanted it. I don't I have many friends. I mean, shit ! I know he was just trying to get something from me, but y'know what ? I wanted something from him too. I wanted to be touched and wanted and to feel - for a few fucking minutes - that I was sexy and desirable. And to feel - for a few fucking minutes - a way I knew I'd never felt before and would probably never feel again !". — Diana Rowland

This dude could read Pat the Bunnyand make it terrifying. — Diana Rowland

Had I managed to fall into some sort of carnivorous plant? Yeah, bleed on the man-eating plant. Always a good plan. — Diana Rowland

I heard a low growl and realized it was coming from my own throat. Fuck the fear and fuck the insecurities. I was worth fighting for. Every woman was worth fighting for. Didn't matter if they were trash or addicts or rich or popular. Didn't matter if they dressed like a homeless waif, or in tight skirts and heels, or in jeans and flannel. No one deserved to feel hopeless and worthless the way this goddamn asshole wanted me to feel and, I had no doubt, made other girls feel. — Diana Rowland

So I told the lady Biology and high school were useless crap, I was going to get a job, and I was never coming back to school.
And I didn't.
Yeah, I sure showed them. — Diana Rowland

No self-respecting zombie would be caught dead smoking. — Diana Rowland

That is a zombie ... Holy fucking shit. That's a mother fucking zombie and this shit is real. — Diana Rowland

Lying on the metal table in front of me was a middle-aged man decked out in absolutely nothing at all. A dead man. Buck-ass naked with his little shriveled junk right there for everyone to see. — Diana Rowland

I was arguing with the paramedics after they got me into the ambulance, begging for something to eat because I was so damn hungry. Maybe that's why I didn't walk into the stupid white light. Maybe I knew they wouldn't have anything to eat down that way. — Diana Rowland

It reminds me of an old joke: What did the Zombie say to the whore?"
I looked at him blankly. "Um ... what?"
He winked. "Keep the tip. — Diana Rowland

God-fucking-damn but he was seriously good-looking. "Have you ever had the stuffed pancakes here? They're evil. I highly recommend them."
"Heh. The cop is recommending evil," I said. "Too funny."
To my surprise, Ivanov chuckled. "You've discovered my dark side. — Diana Rowland

Too easy to lose the way.
Too hard to keep from unraveling when there's nothing to remind you of who you
are and where you should be.
Another eternity passes in the flick of an eyelash. — Diana Rowland

I was tough. I was fierce. I was already seating my ass off and hadn't even started to run yet. — Diana Rowland

Hell, right now my only weapons were Obnoxious and Snark, and I intended to use them whenever possible. — Diana Rowland

Greg was a supernice guy and a good tenant."
"I met him only once, but he seemed pretty cool," I said. "Of course, the neighbor across the street was convinced he was up to no good."
"Oh, my God, that racist bitch? I swear, I wanted to rent the place out to a black Jewish gay couple just to piss her off, but then I figured it wouldn't be fair to the black Jewish gay couple. — Diana Rowland

As soon as he was gone I blew my breath out and leaned back against the wall. Awkward. First the cop who'd arrested me, then the paramedic who'd kept me from accidentally killing myself. I didn't even want to think what a third thing might be. — Diana Rowland

I'm pre-med," he added smugly.
"Okay." I said again. I didn't shrug this time, but his jaw tightened a bit as if he was annoyed that I wasn't displaying the proper amazement at his accomplishment.
"And I'm next in line to be promoted to death investigator." The look he gave me was nothing short of a challenge, and I had to fight to not roll my eyes. What, he expected me to start crowing about my own accomplishments so he could top them? He'd be waiting a long time for that. — Diana Rowland

Will you please stop being an asshole for a few god-damn minutes? — Diana Rowland

That old if you 'need anything, let me know,' is a total crock. You hear people say it all the time, but you never see anyone actually call up the person who said it and say, "Hey, remember when you said to let you know if i needed anything? Well, I'm feeling really overwhelmed. Could you please come clean my kitchen, I'd feel like I had a bit of a head start." You will never hear someone say that, because then the person asking the other person to clean their kitchen is seen as a helpless, incompetent dick. -Diana Rowland (My life as a white trash zombie) — Diana Rowland

All of a sudden it seemed as if I could smell the brain, and not in a oh-how-gross way, but as if someone had taken the lid off a pot of gumbo to let the aroma fill the room. And I knew it was the brain that smelled so utterly enticing - knew it with every single cell of my being.
What the hell was wrong with me? — Diana Rowland

Zombie Super Powers, activate, you fucking bitches. — Diana Rowland

Hello, my name is Angel, and I'll be your zombie today. — Diana Rowland

Coffe and breakfast with friends. What more could a girl ask for. — Diana Rowland

I grabbed my napkin and managed to pretend to sneeze which had the added effect of covering up most of my face which was surely completely beet red with embarrassment at this point. Yeah, I was classy and suave like that. Jesus Christ, Angel, get a grip! — Diana Rowland

Whoa!" I jerked my hand up to stop him. "Wait, what?" I asked as sick horror shot through me. "You mean, like when the bodies get cut open?"
Delight lit his face. "Yes, you'll be helping with the autopsies. You didn't know that? — Diana Rowland

Yeah, so? I was ignorant, but I'm not a fucking moron. Why would I give the shit to you just so I could buy it back from you later?" I leaned back against the counter. "Hon, you're fucking with the wrong chick. I've been around too many drug dealers to buy into a scheme like that."
He shocked me by bursting out laughing. "Drug dealers? Well, that's an interesting analogy." He shook his head but a sardonic smile stayed on his face. — Diana Rowland

It looked like pieces of bread pudding that had been soaked in raspberry syrup. — Diana Rowland

I told him about me being a summoner, and what that entailed. At the end of he simply gave a long sigh. "Why couldn't you simply be an alcoholic like all the other detectives?"
I grinned. "Demon summoning has less vomiting! — Diana Rowland

Look, I know this is the last thing you want to talk about, but I wanted to ask you ... " He trailed off, looking strangely uneasy.
"Ask me ... ?" Ask me to dinner? Ask me out for drinks? Ask me if I wanted to see what he looked like under that uniform? Yow, where'd that last one come from? — Diana Rowland

The pudding lived up to its name. And nothing fell off that wasn't supposed to. — Diana Rowland

Three hours ago I was in bed, I thought miserably. I should have stayed there. — Diana Rowland

When did I turn into a needywhiny angsty idiot who needed to be swept off her feet? She snorted then started running again, forcing me into a brief sprint to catch up. We're conditioned from birth she said. I swear to god,if I ever have a daughter I'll ban all of the Disney princesses from the house. Except Mulan. She kicks ass. — Diana Rowland

The smell was like chocolate and cookies and biscuits and gravy and everything else that was delicious. It damn near drove me crazy every time I had to touch one. I'd been fighting the cravings the way I'd never fought the urge to take drugs or get drunk. — Diana Rowland

He leaned back in his chair. "Detective Gillian, what I want to say at this moment would no doubt be considered extremely inappropriate and unprofessional, even though it would be meant as a compliment to you." Then he surprised me by laughing. "Screw it. You're a devious, clever bitch, and I'm glad you work for me. — Diana Rowland

A zombie pretending to be a zombie pretending to be a zombie. Made me dizzy. — Diana Rowland

Whatever happened, at least we had cookies. — Diana Rowland

Zombie Super Powers, Activate! — Diana Rowland

His shirt had more wrinkles than a smoker's lips — Diana Rowland

Still, waking up this early was just wrong. "Why can't people be reasonable and only die after eleven A.M.?" I whined. — Diana Rowland

I have missed you. And I did not know anything was missing. — Diana Rowland