Denis Norden Quotes & Sayings

I defy anyone to get a decision that quickly these days. — Denis Norden

There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car. — Denis Norden

Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good - we want it Tuesday. — Denis Norden

What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions? — Denis Norden

A counter tenor is anyone who can count to ten. — Denis Norden

You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D. — Denis Norden

Frank liked administrative work and was good at it. — Denis Norden

I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny. — Denis Norden

The comedians all finished their acts with a song. They would get a certain amount of money from the song publishers and would use that money to pay the writers. None of them paid very much for their comedy material, but it all added up. — Denis Norden

Then after that came word processors and it's hard to make those laugh. — Denis Norden

Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater. — Denis Norden

And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out. — Denis Norden

And if you can offer an explanation as to why it doesn't work then you've got to the whole root of comedy. — Denis Norden

Everyone who appears in a scene gets paid. — Denis Norden

It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered. — Denis Norden

If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from? — Denis Norden

It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it's when you discover that your wife left you in May. — Denis Norden

If the laughter of the audience was malicious we wouldn't show it. — Denis Norden