Darynda Jones Quotes & Sayings

I spotted Mr. Reyes Farrow standing next to his stunning '70 Plymouth 'Cuda. Classic. Dark. And all muscle. The car was hot, too. — Darynda Jones

It isn't the fall that will kill you, but the sudden stop. — Darynda Jones

There are very few personal problems that can't be solved with a suitable application of high explosives. — Darynda Jones

After a geological epoch passed in which single-celled organisms evolved into talk show hosts, Mr. Coffee was still holding out on me. — Darynda Jones

I breathed in the heat that spiraled around him. He gave me every ounce of attention he had to offer, focused like a leopard focusing on his prey, just long enough to cause a warmth to crack open and spill into my chest. Over my stomach. Between my legs. — Darynda Jones

SOME GIRLS WEAR PRADA. SOME GIRLS WEAR GLOCK 17 SHORT RECOIL SPRING-LOADED SEMIAUTOMATIC PISTOLS WITH A LOADED CHAMBER INDICATOR AND A NONSLIP GRIP. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

Hey, I could be your assistant! I'd be an Assistant Serial Killer Serial Killer. I'd be an Ass. Or do I need the Ks in there? Because that wouldn't sound nearly as cool. — Darynda Jones

I should've known the day was going to turn out bad when it started with my father trying to kill me — Darynda Jones

Okay, I'll put someone on it. But you know, the Albuquerque Police Department wasn't really created to find things out for you."
"Really? That's weird. — Darynda Jones

His hold was tight but tender, his breaths hoarse and ragged. I held his head to my chest for a long time, and I didn't want to let go. I never wanted to let go. — Darynda Jones

Does Uncle Bob have anything?"
"I heard he has an STD."
"I mean on the women."
"Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs. — Darynda Jones

The horror that riveted through me, the absolute terror with a taint of nausea, stunned me speechless for three, maybe four seconds. I put the mug down and made a cross with my fingers, screaming, "Death before decaf!" as Garrett poured himself a cup. The fool. — Darynda Jones

My calculations - allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general's warning - concluded that they probably didn't stay behind for the tacos. — Darynda Jones

My real mom died when I was born - hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to
me, which has never been one of my favorite memories - and Dad married Denise before I'd turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the
matter. Denise and I never really clicked. — Darynda Jones

You take a universal concept, something that has been done a million times (because everything has been done a million times), and add a fresh twist to it. Something no one saw coming. But mostly fresh writing! Keep it clean, simple, and compelling. — Darynda Jones

Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

I had no red tape. I didn't even have any clear tape or duct tape or electrical tape.
Nope. I lived a tape-free life and liked it. Unless, you know, I needed to tape something. — Darynda Jones

He enchanted.
He simply enchanted.
Stopping in his tracks when he saw my expression, he studied me a long moment before walking over to me and placing a kiss on my cheek. The act was an excuse to whisper in my ear. "You have to stop looking at me like that if we're going to make it through the day without losing our clothes."
I turned to kiss him back. "I have no intention of making it through the day with you fully clothed. — Darynda Jones

I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost. — Darynda Jones

Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it. — Darynda Jones

You called me at four thirty-four ... I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve. — Darynda Jones

A traumatized brain was a complicated brain. — Darynda Jones

I suck at all this supernatural stuff. But I fry a mean chicken.
Oh, good. I hate it when the nice ones get fried. — Darynda Jones

I don't think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

Hello? I said, because Charley's House of Pasties seemed wrong. — Darynda Jones

He was like chocolate-covered heroin, and I was an addict through and through. — Darynda Jones

The police never find it as funny as you do.-T-Shirt — Darynda Jones

I tried to roll out of Reyes's arms. He tightened his hold. I tried to lift an arm off me, but he clasped his fingers, essentially locking me in. "Reyes," I said, stifling a giggle, "I know you're awake. You can give up the game." "Never," he said into his pillow. — Darynda Jones

No. This has to do with drugs."
My jaw fell open and I almost lost my toothbrush. "You're on drugs?"
She pressed her mouth together. "No. You are."
"I'm on drugs?" I asked, stunned. I had no idea. — Darynda Jones

I strode toward Mr. Coffee with lust in my eyes. We'd had a thing for quite some time now Mr. Coffee and I ... — Darynda Jones

That boy needs a hobby."
"Stalking is a hobby."
"So is serial killing. — Darynda Jones

Showers were God's reward for working hard enough to get dirty. — Darynda Jones

I was in a mental asylum? When the fuck did that happen? — Darynda Jones

Oh, yeah, this girl was going down. She had no idea who she was messing with. And, sadly, she didn't seem to care.
I hoped her drawer came up short at the end of her shift. Karma's a bitch. — Darynda Jones

Look," he said, clearly having made up his mind, "I've made up my mind." Nailed it. — Darynda Jones

I woke up at four thirty the next morning - also known as five minutes past ungodly - and — Darynda Jones

At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated. — Darynda Jones

We get heroes with impossible abilities and heroines with strengths we can only dream of. And for a little while, we are those characters. That hero is in love with us. That heroine is you, the reader, and you are all kinds of powerful. And you might even, given the right circumstances, save the world. — Darynda Jones

The most important thing is to not be on fire. Ask someone who is on fire, and they will tell you that the most important thing is to not be on fire. — Darynda Jones

A guy in an SUV tried to kill me."
"That's strange."
"Why?"
"Because the guy I hired doesn't drive an SUV."
"That is strange. — Darynda Jones

Charley's "FOR THE LOVE OF":
"Oh,FOR THE LOVE OF gravy"
"Just be honest with me, FOR THE LOVE OF applesauce, Gemma."
"But FOR THE LOVE OF marinara, I typed, don't shoot anyone. — Darynda Jones

Garrett must have sensed I was awake. "Hey Detective," he said to Uncle Bob, who was now trudging across the grating toward us. "I think we're losing her. I have no choice but to perform mouth-to-mouth."
"Don't you dare," I said, my lids still in lockdown. — Darynda Jones

If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning. — Darynda Jones

Wait." I looked around. "How did you get here?"
"I ran."
I reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Scrolling through his menu, I said, "You called a cab."
"But I ran to the cab when it got to the cemetery. — Darynda Jones

if you suddenly have the ability to walk through walls, you're dead. You're not lying somewhere in a drainage ditch waiting to wake up. Get over it, — Darynda Jones

jealousy was in a whole category by itself. One that sat right between instability and insecurity. — Darynda Jones

There were few things Deaf people found more amusing than hearing people who knew just enough sign to be dangerous. — Darynda Jones

I don't want you to forget this moment. In about a week, I'll come up with a scathing retort. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

She still wasn't convinced. "So, if you were a guy, would you be into me?"
"Hon, if I were a guy, I'd be gay."
"Yeah, me, too. — Darynda Jones

ANXIETY GIRL! ABLE TO JUMP TO THE WRONG CONCLUSION IN A SINGLE BOUND. - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

Cookie had taken her daughter amber to school then walked the thirty-something feet to work earlier. Our business was on the second floor of Calamity's, my dad's bar, which sat right in front of our apartment building. The short commute was nice and rarely invloved rabid raccoons. — Darynda Jones

And he was damned nice to look at, even when he scowled. In fact, if I were totally honest, that scowl only added to the allure that was Reyes Farrow. Damn it. When I scowled, I looked constipated. Leave it to the son of Satan to turn a scowl into the stuff of fantasies. — Darynda Jones

I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt — Darynda Jones

Can I get a coffee with extra coffee? — Darynda Jones

I'm going to need some kind of incentive program if I'm going to fork out this kind of money."
I held back a laugh. "Incentive program, huh? So what's a stove worth these days?"
"Depends. Do you have a nurse's uniform?"
I raised a mischievous brow. "No, but I have a Princess Leia slave costume."
A deep hunger flashed in his irises. It caused a warmth to flood my abdomen, and only partly because he knew what a Princess Leia slave costume consisted of. — Darynda Jones

I started to put my phone back in my bag when Ozzy yelled out, his accent so thick, I was only half certain he said, "Where the foock are ya goin'?"
Uncle Bob jumped. I must've turned on my GPS.
"You have to tahn the foock around. You're in the middle of foockin' nowhere."
"What the hell is that?" Uncle Bob asked, almost swerving off the road.
"Sorry, it's Ozzy." I grabbed my phone and turned down the volume. "He's so demanding." I pushed a few buttons to turn off the app, then put the phone to my ear. "Sweet, buttermilk pancakes, Ozzy, you have to stop calling me. You're a married man!" I pretended to hang up, then rolled my eyes. "Rock stars. — Darynda Jones

After searching for a space, I parked behind the tattoo parlor in front of a sign that said NO PARKING. Since it didn't specify to whom it was referring, I figured it couldn't possibly be talking to me. — Darynda Jones

His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight. — Darynda Jones

Life ain't all burritos and strippers, my friend. - TRUE FACT — Darynda Jones

Valencia's men scrambled to help their boss, but Reyes had been chomping at the bit long enough. He let loose. Got into a couple of fistfights for the fun of it before snapping necks one by one. They didn't know what hit them. Then again, their deaths were merciful compared to what they did to their victims. Their eternal damnations following death, however, would be another story. I — Darynda Jones

My boyfriend called me a stalker. Well, he's not actually my boyfriend ... — Darynda Jones

This guy in high school tried to run me over with his dad's SUV.
Bad shoved the vehicle through a store window. The memory brought a smile to
my face. — Darynda Jones

I came into this world covered in someone else's blood and screaming. I'm not afraid to leave it the same way. — Darynda Jones

Somehow, when you're knocked senseless, the pain doesn't show up till later. Then it's a cold, heartless bitch. — Darynda Jones

Don't walk over here. Be over here."
I gave up. "You know, I can't tell if you're channeling Obi-Wan or Yoda more."
"Dutch, don't make me come get you. — Darynda Jones

We watch movies while Uncle Reyes makes cockporn. — Darynda Jones

I watched as Reyes fell, a scream I couldn't hear wrenched from my throat as I waited for him to do something. For him to react. To save himself. It was Reyes, after all. He could do anything. — Darynda Jones

Does workman's comp cover paper cuts?" "Do chickens lay snowballs? — Darynda Jones

Any said by "Charley Davidson" is my favorite! — Darynda Jones

Step back and scrutinize your work, to delve deep into the meaning behind the words, it will get both easier in some ways and harder in others. Either way, you need to practice everyday. You will probably get faster with time, because you learn to do this instinctively, and the writing may flow better on some days more than others, but it doesn't get easier. And if you aren't writing everyday, you are doing yourself and your craft a disservice. Writing is a habit. Get into the habit. — Darynda Jones

Just as I put my plate on my desk, I noticed a priest waiting in Cookie's office. He was wearing a jacket and jeans, but the collar gave it away every time. We'd apparently forgotten to lock the door, but in all my years as a PI, a priest was new. I felt like I should do the sign of the cross as I walked forward, but I could never remember if it was up-down-left-right or up-down-right-left. I was so bad with directions. — Darynda Jones

Deaf people talk with their mouths full. — Darynda Jones

That Reyes Farrow boy. — Darynda Jones

You are the worst greeter in the history of greeters ever. In the history. Of time. And greeters." "Greeter? You think I'm a greeter?" Talk about a demotion. "Yes. To the other side?" She pointed up. "Dude, calling me a greeter is like calling Saint Peter a ticket taker. — Darynda Jones

Can you find out how owns C and R industries? They bought the old abandoned mental asylum downtown."
"That old thing? What are they going to do with it?"
"I don't know. I was hoping their overcompensating sign would say, but it just says 'private property' and shouts lots of threats in capital letters, all of which I plan to completely ignore later. — Darynda Jones

No," she said with a soft chuckle. "I'm afraid he will sever the spine of any boy who breaks our girl's heart."
"Oh," I said, relief flooding me. But she had an incredibly well thought-out point. — Darynda Jones

Time to make today my bitch. — Darynda Jones

The asshole slipped Peggy a five-spot to bring him his burger first. Never trust a man with a penis. — Darynda Jones

Damn it. I wilted beside her, all my hopes and dreams of being a pimp dashed against the cruel rocks of reality. And an unwilling ho. — Darynda Jones

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly. — Darynda Jones

Welcome back. I see the assassins have failed. — Darynda Jones

Reyes, how do you not just fly around all the time, checking shit out?"
He laid his head against the headboard and laughed. "I do sometimes, but my life is on this plane." He brushed his fingertips over my palm again, studying me. "I love every inch of you."
My heart melted, and I hoped it hadn't dematerialized and rematerialized somewhere else. That couldn't be good. I turned in to him. "I love all your inches, too. — Darynda Jones

Real writers write. Period. No, the muse does not come to visit everyday. She's a lazy, precocious flirt. You cannot get into the habit of being "in the mood" to write. No writer on Earth is in the mood to write everyday, but the good ones do it anyway. They fight through their fatigue, their stress, their doubt, and they write. They get the words on the page. Period.
So stop waiting for your muse. Trust me, she sleeps around. — Darynda Jones

And I like the light-up."
"The what?"
"The light-up," he'd say. "You know, that look people get when they finally realize you're for real. It's like electricity. It makes me tingle all over. Like a blanket full of static."
Ew. "Really? I've never heard that."
"Yeah, and I like it when people realize we're out here."
I leaned in close once and asked him, "Do you want your mom to realize you're out here? Do you want her to know?"
"Nah. It took her too long to get over me."
All in all, he was a good kid. — Darynda Jones

Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent. — Darynda Jones

For a long time I only stare. A thousand thoughts hit me at once, the least of which is the fact that she is real. Flesh and blood. Dutch. Her light soaks into me. Begins to heal me instantly. I begin to calm. To slow my breathing. To clear my head. I don't know what to think, other than the fact that she is more beautiful than I ever dreamed. She is real. And she has seen me. The real me. I have no robes to hide beneath now. No cloak. — Darynda Jones

Thrilled that Reyes and I were outside, and taking that as her cue to get her freak on, Artemis ran around like a gerbil on meth, turning occasionally to make sure we were still watching. And God help us if we weren't. — Darynda Jones

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH, TWICE? - T-SHIRT — Darynda Jones

I stood, crossed over to my office and poured him a cup, then asked if he liked his coffee like I liked my Death Stars: gigantic, on the Dark Side, and powerful enough to destroy a planet. He laughed softly. "A little cream is fine." "One coffee high coming up," I — Darynda Jones

You would use your body to get what you want?"
"In a heartbeat."
He was hurt. I could feel it echo through him. He stepped closer again, leveled his face inches from mine, and whispered in the softest of voices, "Whore. — Darynda Jones

Where do writers get their ideas from? Anywhere and everywhere.
Nothing is sacred. — Darynda Jones

Can I brush your hair? she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can't live with 'em. Can't eat 'em for lunch. — Darynda Jones

I put a hand over my heart. That guy. He can be the sweetest thing when he's not killing demons and shit. — Darynda Jones

Did you get checked out?" "Yeah, by a hot blond who sat in the corner of the bar and made googly eyes at me." "I meant by a doctor." "No, but a balding yet bizarrely hot paramedic said I'd be fine." "Oh, and he's an expert?" "At flirting. — Darynda Jones

Is there anything else you want to share?" "Anything you think of I should be aware of?"
"No" I shook my head in thought " Not especially. Unless you count the fact that I'm going to take over the world."
"The whole thing?"
"Well,i'm going to try to take over the world."
"And you feel you're prepared for world domination?"
I lifted a noncommittal shoulder "I'm taking a business class — Darynda Jones

It was nice talking to her. Comfortable. Like an old pair of jeans -
"But I still have to arrest you."
- that had been rolled in a cactus plant. — Darynda Jones

I had yet to be a mother, but I would have thought it difficult to forget something it took thirty-seven hours of excruciating pain to push out from between my legs ~Charley Davidson — Darynda Jones

Have you slept yet?'
'Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.'
'Didn't you drive there?'
'Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.'
- Charley & Cookie — Darynda Jones

I was more than willing to put aside the Charley Davidson Book of Etiquette and Mud Wrestling if it resulted in earth-shattering orgasms. — Darynda Jones

I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly — Darynda Jones