Daniil Kharms Quotes & Sayings

I was most happy when pen and paper were taken from me and I was forbidden from doing anything. I had no anxiety about doing nothing by my own fault, my conscience was clear, and I was happy. This was when I was in prison. — Daniil Kharms

I am interested only in "nonsense"; only in that which makes no practical sense. I am interested in life only in its absurd manifestations. — Daniil Kharms

There lived a redheaded man who had no eyes or ears. He didn't have hair either, so he was called a redhead arbitrarily. He couldn't talk because he had no mouth. He had no nose either. He didn't even have arms or legs. He had no stomach, he had no back, he had no spine, and he had no innards at all. He didn't have anything. So we don't even know who we're talking about. It's better that we don't talk about him any more. — Daniil Kharms

Open this notebook every day and write down half a page at the very least. If you have nothing to write down, then at least, following Gogol's advice, write down that today there's nothing to write. Always write with attention and look on writing as a holiday. — Daniil Kharms

One must write poetry in such as way that if one threw the poem in a window, the pane would break. — Daniil Kharms

Is there anything on earth which would have meaning
and would even change the course of events not only on
earth, but in other worlds?" I asked my teacher.
"There is," my teacher answered me.
"Well, what is it?" I asked.
"It's ... " began my teacher and suddenly fell silent.
I stood and waited intently for his answer. But he was
silent.
And I stood and was silent.
And he was silent.
And I stood, silent.
And he was silent.
We're both standing and silent.
Ho-la-la!
We're both standing and silent.
Ho-le-le!
Yes, yes, we're both standing and silent!
16-17 July 1937 — Daniil Kharms

One short man said: "I would give anything if only I were even a tiny bit taller."
He barely said it when he saw a lady magician standing in front of him.
"What do you want?" says the magician.
But the short man just stands there so frightened he can't even speak.
"Well?" says the magician.
The short man just stands there and says nothing. The magician vanishes.
Then the short man started crying and biting his nails. First he chewed off all the nails on his fingers, and then on his toes.

Reader! Think this fable over and it will make you somewhat uncomfortable. — Daniil Kharms

Eleven times Jesus died on the cross, Eleven times falls down a body thrown upward, Eleven times also I abandon the logical flow of thought. — Daniil Kharms

It's hard to say something about Pushkin to a person who doesn't know anything about him. Pushkin is a great poet. Napoleon is not as great as Pushkin. Bismarck compared to Pushkin is a nobody. And the Alexanders, First, Second and Third, are just little kids compared to Pushkin. In fact, compared to Pushkin, all people are little kids, except Gogol. Compared to him, Pushkin is a little kid.
And so, instead of writing about Pushkin, I would rather write about Gogol.
Although, Gogol is so great that not a thing can be written about him, so I'll write about Pushkin after all.
Yet, after Gogol, it's a shame to have to write about Pushkin. But you can't write anything about Gogol. So I'd rather not write anything about anyone. — Daniil Kharms

Pushkin loved to throw rocks. As soon as he saw a rock, he would throw it. Sometimes he became so excited that he stood, all red in the face, waving his arms, throwing rocks, simply something awful.
Pushkin had four sons, all idiots. One didn't even know how to sit in a chair and fell off all the time. Pushkin himself also sat on a chair rather badly. It was simply killing: they sat at the table; at one end, Pushkin kept falling off his chair continually, and at the other end, his son. Simply enough to make one split one's sides with laughter. — Daniil Kharms