Dani Alexander Quotes & Sayings

Whiskey, glass, pour, toss back, glare. Repeat. "Cop out," I slurred in retaliation, pointing the empty glass at Peter.
"Don't get drunk. Fuck. I need you sober," he yelled, snatching the glass out of my hand.
"There's the problem right there. You need me sober. You need my help. You need something from me." I laughed, tossing the bottle on the sofa, ignoring the glug glug glug as it emptied over my cushions. "And I just need you."
"Need me to what?" He asked with a huff, tipping the bottle right-side up.
"Nothing. I just need you," I whispered and flopped into a nearby recliner. — Dani Alexander

Then I guess the rest of my life will be resigned to doggy style sex." The words were out of my mouth before I could think about them. "I mean however long ... when we're ... that wasn't a fucking proposal."
"Okay."
"Don't smile that. Smugness doesn't become you."
"Okay."
"Scoot the fuck over. You're hogging the bed."
Austin and Peter. :') — Dani Alexander

My father married my mother three days after they met.
Your father also killed and maimed people for a living. How about we just place him in the Not-To-Emulate pile?
Shattered Glass by Dani Alexander (Chpt 14) — Dani Alexander

Let me assure you, you are an ass in the best sense of the word. You don't take shit from people. — Dani Alexander

Let me know when you're done with this conversation. Peter needs his tongue bath. I mean sponge bath. — Dani Alexander

People aren't always who they seem, Detective. Am I anything like you thought?"
"No," I admitted. You're a million times better than I could have imagined. — Dani Alexander

I was not insecure. I was a perfectly normal combination of arrogant and narcissistic. — Dani Alexander

Your daughter is gay? Where are all these gay people coming from? Gay friends. Gay daughters of friends. Gay sisters-in-law. Gay suspects. I ask one guy for a kiss and suddenly I'm living in Ancient Greece. — Dani Alexander

This is not at all funny."
"Which is why I'm not laughing. — Dani Alexander

I grew up Catholic. I was not above guilt trips. — Dani Alexander

Do you know any gay guys?"
"Why? Are you switching teams?"
"I'm not sure. Maybe."
"Yeah, I know some gay guys. And you do, too."
"I know some gay guys?" News to me.
"Jake and Terry."
"They're not gay," I argued.
"Yeah? You better tell them to stop sleeping together, then. — Dani Alexander

Clean," Peter said.
"Can I get a water bottle or something to clean his hands?" I scanned the crowd. He drew my attention back to him with a pull of my hand.
"No," Peter said. "I'm ... clean."
I had missed who Peter was until that very moment ...
I broke. It wasn't a visible fracture. I didn't sob or explode into anguish. I didn't give in to my vomitus urge that came from the burst of self-loathing. But I shattered nonetheless.
"Well, you look filthy," I said, hitting redial on his phone and jamming it to my ear. — Dani Alexander

Peter to Austin:
Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid. Which makes me think you must have one 24/7. — Dani Alexander

Peter to Austin: Here are the facts, Austin. You've been engaged four times.
You've cheated on every single one of them. You're cruel
sometimes and superficial and spoiled and really fucked up
emotionally. You talk about my being inscrutable, but you treat
nothing as if it matters to you. Something terrible happens? You
make a joke and shrug it off. You feel too much? You get angry
and lash out at me. So no, I'm not in love with you. I'm fighting
it every fucking step! I just wish I could stop it. — Dani Alexander

McCleary was an unpolished, semi attractive man in his late thirties or early forties. His hair was grey. His suit was cheap. His cologne was cheaper and his attitude was a hundred percent asshole. He have me an instant boner. — Dani Alexander

Is he my competition?" I asked.
"Everyone is your competition." Peter lifted his hand to his
eyes and began lowering it incrementally. "It goes normal human
beings, crazies, republicans, my hand, imaginary characters,
corpses and then, in a moment of lustful psychosis, you." By the
time he was done, his hand was below the table.
Ouch. — Dani Alexander

What the fuck are you doing with your life?"
"Dating hookers, learning the gay, housing criminals, pissing off my fellow cops, and taking in what everyone says is a cat, but which I'm definitely sure is not a cat. I'm undecided on its actual species. I think it's a cross between a rat and some kind of alien life - — Dani Alexander

I made a mental note to call. Later.
Tomorrow. Next month. Or January. — Dani Alexander

Even the road to Disneyland has potholes — Dani Alexander

He's painting your living room as a thank you."
"Huh. My decorator might screech, but I'm okay with that."
"Your decorator? Seriously? How did you not know you were gay? — Dani Alexander

I like you," I said honestly. "Even though you're probably a criminal and are going to get me thrown off the force. And you kicked me. Broke my nose. Made me gay and refused to kiss me." (Austin to Peter; "Shattered Glass — Dani Alexander

I would just like to throw out there that we can all stop talking about putting things up my ass. No fly zone. Do not enter. No parking. — Dani Alexander

Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid. — Dani Alexander

You're rich, spoiled and used to getting your own way."
"Not true. If I had my own way you would have kissed me and ridden me like a cowboy while screaming 'yeehaw'. — Dani Alexander

Are you in love with me?" I asked, grinding my nails into my palms.
"Yes," he said simply. "But not yet — Dani Alexander

I'm not gay." That wasn't what I meant to say.
"Congratulations. Would you like a medal?" Bunny Slippers asked.
"I already have a medal. For bravery, not for being gay. I think you made me gay."
"I made you gay?" He set down the napkin he was holding. "Is that better or worse than the person who made you stupid? — Dani Alexander

You know what I find ironic? My homophobic mother offers
you her cabbage rolls as a truce and you respond by asking her if
it was 'tacit approval' to suck my cock."
"She shoved a phallic symbol my way and told me to eat it. — Dani Alexander

Fucking cracker," Alvarado hissed as he was shoved into the patrol car.
"Aw, that's discrimination, right there." I feigned hurt. "See, I see you as scumbag first, Alvarado. Or dick-cheese. Scumsucking pedophile. Asshole. The fact that you're Hispanic doesn't even factor into it. — Dani Alexander

I looked at our hands, caked and coated in red, but entwined. The pristine moment when they were clasped like that earlier in the day seemed weeks ago.
"Clean." Peter said.
"Can I get a water bottle or something to clean his hands?" I scanned the crowd. He drew my attention back to him with a pull of my hand.
"No," Peter said. "I'm ... clean."
I had missed who Peter was until that very moment.
I had called him names and treated him callously. I had read every micro expression in a vacuum of how it related to Austin Glass. And in return Peter had cared for my wounds, treated me tenderly and assured me that he was HIV negative while bleeding out in a hallway of strangers.
I broke. It wasn't a visible fracture. I didn't sob or explode into anguish. I didn't give in to my vomitus urge that came from the burst of self-loathing. But I shattered nonetheless. — Dani Alexander

Do you know what I did to the last guy that called me Tinkerbelle?"
"Slept with him?"
Darryl was silent for a second. "After that. — Dani Alexander

Fundamentally I believed that I was unlovable. — Dani Alexander

I had one friend with same-sex orientation, and Dana hadn't spoken to me since I asked her to describe her honeymoon in graphic detail - and then made vibrator noises. — Dani Alexander

Bunny Slippers watched my appraisal for at least a full
minute before clasping his hands and resting them on the table.
"You stand in the doorway, clothes sticking to you like you just
got out of the shower and didn't dry off." I hadn't dried off
actually. "Your hair is wet like it's been raining, but it's near
ninety outside. You glare at me for a good ten minutes before
you come over. Sit across from me in my booth, without an
invitation. Don't introduce yourself. Don't say hello. You
announce you're not gay, but that I made you gay, and I am
confusing you?
Well, when he said it like that. — Dani Alexander

Tell me something good about your life," I whispered, needing to hear that he wasn't as broken as I thought him to be.
Peter breathed into the handset for about two minutes. I began wondering if he was about to hang up, or had fallen asleep, when he answered. "You."
It was so quiet I almost didn't hear it. And then he hung up before I could ask him to repeat himself.
I fell asleep, grinning, with the phone still clutched in my hand and my milk souring on the coffee table. — Dani Alexander

I start thinking that maybe God's plan is I make him more of a man and less of a boy.
"I think I was wrong. Some men will always be boys."
"I start thinking that maybe God's plan is I make him more of a man and less of a boy."
"I think I was wrong. Some men will always be boys. — Dani Alexander

I've given up my living room, guest room, job, career, heterosexuality and my stance on no pets in the house, but I'm not giving up my room. I'm drawing a line. — Dani Alexander

At some point all of this is going to catch up with me," I said.
"What is?"
"Gay, boyfriend, job loss, career in the toilet, gay, criminals in my house, criminals in my bed."
"You said the gay thing twice."
"It deserves double billing. — Dani Alexander

When I was in eighth grade, I used a self-timing camera to take nude pictures of myself in various stages of erection. I then exchanged my biology teacher's slides with the images. The teacher, in a state of panic, kept rapidly pressing the 'next' button. It was like a pornographic flip-book. That was the last straw in a very heavy pile of straws. I was expelled, and I ended up transferring mid-year from boarding school to a public school near home. — Dani Alexander