Dan Adams Quotes & Sayings

My dear wife is two years, three months, and seven days older than I am. I told her if she pisses me off enough, I'm going to figure out the hours, minutes, and seconds. — Dan Adams

I missed the morning AMTRAK and then, after lunch, missed a few more trains while mistakenly looking for the PMTRAK. — Dan Adams

We didn't realize it at the time, but what we carried with us were colorful, stringers-full of memories, which now hang in our heads like trophy trout above the fireplace mantel. — Dan Adams

...And somewhere along the line in my literary career, I discovered the differences between grammar and grandpa, and write from wrong. — Dan Adams

For lunch my colleagues and I each ate the equivalent of a double banana split. I told my wife I had two bananas for lunch...I failed to mention I had to eat my way through five pounds of ice cream to get to those bananas. — Dan Adams

My plans were put aside by the prospect of her return. Then she returned, to say that she had other plans. — Dan Adams

Sarcasm is a shaving cream pie waiting at the bottom of a guillotine's basket. — Dan Adams

While your sense of humor is largely non-existent, the one saving grace is that your face, at least, is funny; and I silently thank you for this, and nothing more. — Dan Adams

One day I fell off a toilet and a stool. — Dan Adams

Picnics in the park with you: barbecue and miscue. — Dan Adams

[We] are, in fact, so close to the amusement park that [our] toilet is referred to as "the log flume. — Dan Adams

Once it took so long for me to wrap a present that it became a past. — Dan Adams

As a married father of females, I can boast with certainty that my breadth of experience, gained over the course of thirty-something years in dealing with a wife and two daughters, has helped me progress to the point where I am now - proudly no less than ill-prepared to deal with absolutely everything. — Dan Adams