Charlie Higson Quotes & Sayings

THIS IS WHERE ARRAN HARPER FELL. WE DON'T KNOW THE DAY OR THE DATE, BUT WE'LL NEVER FORGET IT. HE WAS THE BRAVEST OF US ALL. — Charlie Higson

She finally realized where they were. 'This is Legoland! — Charlie Higson

I love your books when I read them I can't stop reading them. — Charlie Higson

Then maybe I'll sneak into Buckingham Palace and slit his chicken throat one night. — Charlie Higson

You see that movie, Chicken Run, where the chickens gang up together and escape from the farm? — Charlie Higson

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired,' said Maxie.
'I know how that feels,' said Blue.
'I think some Pharaoh had that carved on his tomb,' Maxie added.
'Yeah? Times don't change much, do they? — Charlie Higson

It's very important not to talk down to kids, and to give them something which they think is quite grown-up and hardcore. Kids themselves are very good at self-censoring. If they don't like something, if they think it's too strong for them, they'll simply stop reading. That's the thing about a book, you can't force someone to read it ... I think there's a lot in my books about friendship, leadership, about society and how it works, how we learn to live with each other and what skills do we need to make a viable society. Kids don't need to know any of that, they just want someone to be eaten again. — Charlie Higson

Yeah,' said Blue quietly. 'World peace and free Wi-Fi. — Charlie Higson

There was always a slug on the lettuce.
This was too good to be true.
He had never trusted Jester, and didn't trust David.
He wasn't going to let his gaurd down just yet.
Being carful had kept him alive this far.
There was no reason to stop being careful now. — Charlie Higson

What did we know? This was early days. We had no idea what was out there. How dangerous it might be. It was just a school maths problem. They never asked that in the exams, did they? Like, If John walks at three miles an hour from London to Brighton, and he's attacked by rabid grown-ups four times, and they bite his right leg off, how long will it take him to bleed to death? — Charlie Higson

After Arran died we could've fallen apart. But we didn't. Because you held it together. "Arran Lives" - you remember that?"
"I remember."
"He lived in you, Max. You done well. I like you. You're cool. — Charlie Higson

He was a different person now, and not a better one, Oh, he could fight, he could swat sickos like flies; he was a bloody hero, wasn't he? He was Death himself. Riding a bike. But in the end, all he was doing was adding to the score of the dead. Was that all a hero was, then? A killing machine without a heart? — Charlie Higson

We was half stupid, a third lucky, and three-quarters ferocious. — Charlie Higson

He knew one thing for sure, though. Whatever happened, Matt would have some handy excuse. He'd make up some story or change an old one, find some dumb quote to explain it all. — Charlie Higson

Nasty things, you know, gods, they don't much care for anyone other than themselves. — Charlie Higson

Remember what I done for you here today,' he shouted and passed out. — Charlie Higson

Writing is a bit like being a god — Charlie Higson

You're a trickster, Doctor, not a warrior. — Charlie Higson

Now he was gone.
She said a silent prayer. Sent it up to heaven.
Sam, if you can hear me, I hope you've got nice food where you are. Some vegetables like these. They're meant to be good for you. So eat them all up, like I'm doing. When I die I'll come and see you, and we'll be together again. But for now I'm going to think of you safe and happy and playing knights with a friend.
Love from Ella. Your sister.
P.S. I got a good long turn with Godzilla today after we got here. Godzilla is very happy.
P.P.S. I forgot, you never met Godzilla. He is a puppy and is very cute. He belonged to a boy called Joel who got killed by monkeys. I think the monkeys were sick. Monkeys are usually nice. At least in stories.
P.P.P.S. Maybe you'll meet Joel where you are. Say hello. He is nice.
P.P.P.P.S. Good night, Sam. The others call you Small Sam. To me you're just Sam - my brother.
I miss you. I wish I was with you. — Charlie Higson

And don't go whining to God about it. It was pretty clear that there was no God up there, no kindly old gent looking down, keeping score in a notebook. You did good, you did bad, it didn't make any difference, did it? This one's going to heaven, this one's going to hell, this one's going to Disneyland.
No. God wouldn't have let any of this shit happen. If you were going to believe in anything, then believe in the devil. He was much more real than God. Up there causing mischief. Laughing at the chaos he'd created. — Charlie Higson

Of all the things she thought might happen when she came here, this wasn't one. To be shot like this. Tears came into her eyes. She closed them, laid her head down on the grass and in a few moments her tears were the only part of her moving — Charlie Higson

But I'll never see any of those fish," said Maxie."Or those whales. Or any lions or tigers. I'm never going to set foot in a rain forest now, am I? I won't even be able to watch old DVD's about them without electricity. What does the future hold? It's like going back to the middle ages. Nobody knowing what was going on beyond their front doorstep. All I'll ever know is this. This little bit of London. — Charlie Higson

Tea? Good God, no. It's mud. How the British ever built an empire drinking the filthy stuff is beyond me. And if we carry on drinking it, I've no doubt that the empire won't last much longer. No, a civilized person drinks coffee. — Charlie Higson

The first drops of rain started to fall.
'God's policemen,' said Jester.
'You what?'
'The police always used to pray for rain before any big demonstration because people wouldn't turn up. Nobody wants to run riot in the streets if it's pouring with rain. Who's going to want to fight in this? — Charlie Higson

No such word as can't. No such word as babagoozle neither! — Charlie Higson

Nasty little dragon. It wouldn't happen again. He was St George and he would slay the dragon. That was how it worked, wasn't it? He knew the story. He was a hero, a patron saint. He was England. This country was his. His people were marching towards him from all corners. He would take his throne. But first he had to destroy the dragon. He would butcher him like a piece of meat; a long pig, that's all he was: cutlets, chops, ribs and chitterlings. He would make sausages out of him, ha, because in the end he was nothing more than a side of pork ... No, smaller than that. He was just a lamb. A leg of lamb. Yes. He would slaughter the lamb. — Charlie Higson

The smell that came out of the lorry was disgusting. Sour and rotten. 'Jesus, who's died? he said. 'About four-fifth's of the population of the world' said Justin.
'Very funny — Charlie Higson

Sod this,' said Kyle and he swung his axe. Charlotte watched amazed, unable to look away, as the blade sliced clean through the father's neck and his head flew off. — Charlie Higson

They would catch her. They would make sure she was all right. That's what grown-ups did. They looked after you. They - — Charlie Higson

He's also a dick,' said Achilleus to a scattering of laughter. Maxie saw that even Nicola was trying to hide a smile. — Charlie Higson

Arran's grey-blue eyes opened and they were clear and bright. He smiled at Maxie. 'I love you, Mum,' he said quietly and he died in Maxie's arms. — Charlie Higson

If a wolf attacks his sheep, the shepard kills the wolf, but he eats the sheep when he's hungry. — Charlie Higson

Ed held his sword tight in both hands and went slowly and carefully down. There was the unmistakable smell of sicko down here and Ed's throat was very dry. — Charlie Higson

You got to harden yourself. Make, like, a shell around you. But not everyone can do it. If they got nothing to hang on to some of them screw up. They're not in the game no more. — Charlie Higson

There was a reason these boys were still alive, though. Something made them stronger than the other kids, the ones who had died in the early days, who had simply lain down and given up, unable to cope with the terrible things that were happening in the world. These boys were survivors. The will to live was stronger than any other feelings. — Charlie Higson

There is no getting around the fact that the moment you are at your very best is the moment you begin to become worse and worse. Others will come along who can run faster, jump higher, hit harder, and you will be forgotten. Your winning moment is dated to die. — Charlie Higson

Now Lewis joined in. 'A sicko walks into a bar,' he said. 'WHAM! And then i hit him with the bar again, an iron bar, and knock him flat, then i hit him again, and again and again until his brains are, like, smashed all over the pavement. And then i slice him up with my new katana!'
'Yeah, Lewis,' said Brooke. 'Funny joke. Way to lighten the mood, bruv. — Charlie Higson

Standing in the corridor was a large plastic bin on wheels. He looked inside. Empty tins of dog food. That explained the spaghetti with meat sauce. Oh well, he'd eaten worse. — Charlie Higson

This just ain't my day, is it?' They came to the statue of a naked woman and Lewis slapped her on the buttocks. 'You wouldn't turn me down, would you, princess?' he said. — Charlie Higson

I'm fighting and I'm winning and I'm living. The full package. — Charlie Higson

Great, thought Jack. I'm on marathon walk to London, likely to be ambushed by diseased nutters at any moment and I'm stuck with a load of idiots who sound like they've escaped from the set of In the Night Garden. — Charlie Higson

Then there was David, lording it up at Buckingham Palace, thinking he was king of the shit heap. That guy was definitely nuts, like every dictator that had gone before him. Nero, Caligula, Henry the Eighth, Napoleon, Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, Margaret Thatcher, Colonel Gaddafi, that crazy North Korean bastard who was in Team America, Kim Jong whatever. — Charlie Higson

My mum gave me a T-shirt with it on last Christmas.' Ed smiled at the memory. 'Wish I still had it. All I had to get stressed about before was GCSEs.' 'She didn't give you a T-shirt that said Save Kitchen Scraps to Feed the Pigs, then? — Charlie Higson

No, listen. Us girls, we might all look different, but we're pretty similar underneath. We like to appear responsible, to do what's expected of us, we're not supposed to be reckless and wild and go off running with dodgy space tramps like you. But give us a nudge and
— Charlie Higson

You're gonna really scare them grown-ups, Paddy,' said Achilleus. 'They'll be filling their nappies in fright. — Charlie Higson

He was reminded of TV ads for plug-in air fresheners where some woman would stick the little plastic thing in a socket and animated fumes would waft out and everyone would lift their faces, close their eyes, breathe in deeply and go 'Aaaaaah'. Like they were taking some kind of drug rather than inhaling chemicals. — Charlie Higson

The brighter the sunlight, the worse it affects them," said Einstein.
"So we got to pay more attention to the weather forecast," said DogNut. "Cloudy with a chance of zombies. — Charlie Higson

But I sure do love to whack a grown-up in the morning. — Charlie Higson

He's my brother. He's the one we're going to find.' 'Right.' 'We had a cousin who was disabled. He was always getting bullied and Paul was always sticking up for him.' 'He sounds like a nice guy, your brother,' said Marco kindly. 'He sounds like a dick,' Felix murmured under his breath. Marco tried not to laugh. Luckily Olivia hadn't heard him. 'He's brilliant,' said Olivia. 'When my mum and dad died he looked after me.' 'We'll find him,' said Marco. 'The dick,' Felix added, slightly too loudly, and Marco snorted. — Charlie Higson

I'm different," said the Kid. "My gran always said I was half clever, half stupid, and half crazy. — Charlie Higson

I was the hero, Roberto De Niro, William Shakespearo! Walking on the beaches, looking at the peaches. — Charlie Higson

PROMISES means EVERYTHING but after they are broken SORRY means NOTHING — Charlie Higson

When we're strong enough," said Sam, "will you come with me?"
"Where? To Bucko Palace?"
"Yes. To find Ella."
"Course I will," said the Kid, and he put an arm around Sam. "It'll be a new grand adventure of the old school. They'll write books about us. Long books. Nothing's gonna split us up, small fry. We're a team. Like Batman and Robin Hood."
And he sang.
"Ner-ner-ner-ner-ner-ner-ner-ner-Batman! — Charlie Higson

All children in adventure books have to be orphans. — Charlie Higson