Charles Willeford Quotes & Sayings

No whiskey, no religion, nothing. — Charles Willeford

My work is one long triumph over my limitations. — Charles Willeford

Money is the root of all goodness. To talk disparagingly about money is the privilege of those who have money. There are also those people who state matter-of-factly that "money isn't everything". This statement is also true, but only so long as one has money. — Charles Willeford

I'm not going to ruin my movie because of some stupid ruling that it has to be ninety minutes long. That's just like adding three more plates to the last supper, or an extra wing to the Pentagon. — Charles Willeford

Just tell the truth, and they'll accuse you of writing black humor. — Charles Willeford

It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny. — Charles Willeford

Smoking comforts ordinary men, but I'm not an ordinary man. There aren't many like me left. And it's a good thing for the world that there isn't. There'll always be a few of us in America in every generation. Because only a great country like America can produce men like me. I'm not a thinker, I'm a doer. — Charles Willeford

Outside of taking care of a man's needs, women don't get much pleasure out of life, anyways. — Charles Willeford

By the end of a short walk, the septic tip of a cane probably collects enough germs to destroy a small city. — Charles Willeford

Nothing human surprises me. — Charles Willeford

The Filipino houseboy was conscious now — Charles Willeford

he was an oddity of some magnitude. — Charles Willeford

I can't see any point to hanging around a Burger King all day, no matter how much money you make ... I'll tell you why. Your life would depend on the random desires of people who wanted a hamburger. So you can just forget about Burger King. — Charles Willeford

Thinking, when you first try it, is very difficult. — Charles Willeford

It is a funny thing. A man can make a promise to his God, break it five minutes later and never think about it. With an idle shrug of his shoulders, a man can break solemn promises to his mother, wife or sweetheart, and, except for a slight momentary twinge of conscience, he still won't be bothered very much. But if a man ever breaks a promise to himself he disintegrates. His entire personality and character crumble into tiny pieces, and he is never the same man again.
I remember very well a sergeant I knew in the army. Before a group of five men he swore off smoking forever. An hour later he sheepishly lit a cigarette and broke his vow to the five of us and to himself. He was never quite the same man again, not to me, and not to himself. — Charles Willeford

A man should always observe fanaticism when he gets the chance. — Charles Willeford