Carolee Dean Quotes & Sayings

I have loved and been loved, thoroughly and deeply by good and decent people who believed in me. Who let me dare to believe in myself. — Carolee Dean

It brings back a long-forgotten memory of Christmas, the year I turned six. I was supposed to be in bed, but I was up waiting and watching for my father or Santa Claus, whoever came first. — Carolee Dean

I was taking a nap in the theater one day while I ditched English, when I looked up and saw Jess on the stage. I had to pinch myself, because I figured either I was dreaming or else I'd died and gone to heaven - which given my history was probably not where I'd end up. — Carolee Dean

But thinkin' you owe people is dangerous business. — Carolee Dean

Boxes
We built walls of cardboard
thinking they would keep us safe.
And they did.
Until the flames
came. — Carolee Dean

A man's beliefs are his destiny. As soon as my father believed his life was over, it was. — Carolee Dean

I Know a girl with sea green eyes. She melts the sun, swallows the sky then breathes out stars to kiss the night so guys like me will have some light, she doesn't know the things I've dome. but if a girl like that could love me, i might be clean again — Carolee Dean

Every clock is a bomb, ticking away at the minutes of our lives, counting off the seconds one by one before we die.
At birth a heart it given a certain number of beats. The clock is counting them off one by one and will not allow a man any more than his allotted share. — Carolee Dean

What happened?"
"I tried to be somebody different from who I am and it didn't work out."
"The world ain't set up that way. Folks say we oughta be better than we are, but deep down they just want us to stay in our places. With our own kind.
Messes up the natural order, otherwise. — Carolee Dean

I don't want to even think about what kind of creatures could be lurking out there in the dark in the middle of the sticks. Probably the same ones lurking around during the day, but I've learned that dangerous things like to wait till night to surface, when you can't see the coming. — Carolee Dean

Are you a virgin?" I asked, "A virgin who's gonna tear out my heart?"
"Yes ... no ... wait." She looked at me. "I'm not going to rip out your heart."
"Thanks for clearing that up," I said
"Is that okay with you?" she asked softly.
"Okay with me?","No, it's not okay at all," I replied.
"Why not?" She looked down at her toes.
"I want you to rip out my heart."
She smiled, pressed her hand to my chest, and said, "I could never do that."
You already have, I thought as I took her hand in mine — Carolee Dean

This is what love is. Not the moments on the beach, or under the stars or the trees, or in the moonlight. Love is sitting together in the quiet, waiting for death to come.
Knowing you're not alone. — Carolee Dean

Listening to Pastor Bob talk about mercy and redemption, I am filled with hope. Not the kind of expectation that comes from knowing you can pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, but the trust that comes from utter failure, from knowing you are pathetic and small and you've got no place to look but up. — Carolee Dean

WORDS
I carry a message
that i cannot read.
The words may be haunting
or tender or sweet.
Thought what it says
I do not know,
I still carry it with me,
wherever i go. — Carolee Dean

We are all rotting, making our way from womb to tomb, to the rhythm of the great clock counting downward to the grave. — Carolee Dean

How do you know where a story begins? — Carolee Dean

I carry a message
that i can not read.
the words may be haunting ,
or tender or sweet.
though what it says,
i don not know.
i still carry it with me ,
where ever i go. — Carolee Dean

Figure out what truth you're hidin' that you can't admit even to yourself — Carolee Dean

Testimony to her belief that life could be managed if things were only kept in their proper places. — Carolee Dean

Want me to drive?" Wade asks. "I won't take any detours."
I slam on the brakes and come to a dead stop right in the middle of the road. "Sure. Why not? My life is one big fucking detour," I yell. Then I bang my head on the steering wheel and I can't help it. I start to cry. — Carolee Dean

Is she worth all that pain?" he asked me, smiling.
"Definitely," I said, still reeling from the events of the day.
"But I don't deserve her."
"Then be somebody who does."
"That's what I intend to do. — Carolee Dean

The road less traveled might just be the ride of your life! — Carolee Dean

Words are like people, I think. Put too many of them too close together and they cause trouble. — Carolee Dean

Hey, aren't you that guy who fixes cars?" Katie asked,
looking at my grease-covered work pants as if she couldn't believe I ever left the garage.
"Yeah, they let me out every now and then," I said. — Carolee Dean

I won't offer you a tired admonition to avoid my path. I won't advise you to stay on the straight and narrow. I won't suggest that you make good choices. I won't even tell you to do the right thing. You can get that kind of advice from teachers and parents and TV evangelists, and if you are like me, you wouldn't listen anyway.
I just make one suggestion.
Know what path you're on. — Carolee Dean

Stop jacking with me, Dad. All I ever wanted was the truth."
"That's the problem. People think if they can add up all the facts, they'll end up with the truth, but that's like sewin' body parts together in the hopes you'll get a man. — Carolee Dean

To my son Dylan.
I've written this book for you.
It's a guide for how not to live your life.
I'm sending it out into the world in the hopes
that someday it will find you.
Even if I never do.
All my love,
Dad — Carolee Dean

I have a class in Hermosa Beach that starts at eight, but ...
I wanted to offer to pick up her car, drive her back to Hermosa Beach, take her to the moon. — Carolee Dean

Where we goin'? Wade whispers to me as we approach the white picket fence that surrounds the row of wooden crosses.
For all I know my grandmother could be planning to shoot us and bury us with the rest of the family, but I don't think it would help to share this notion with Wade — Carolee Dean

Did you know that seventy-five to eighty percent of juvenile offenders can't read at grade level?"
"Really?" This was news to me.
"Your world becomes a much smaller place if you can't read. You have far fewer options. It's not the only factor, but it's a big one. If they want to know how big to build a prison,
all they have to do is look at the illiteracy statistics."
"They knew I was coming."
"You or someone like you."
"You knew it too, all those years ago, back in Quincy. That's why you tried to help me. Because you knew I was coming here."
"Here or someplace like here. — Carolee Dean

Dylan -
People luk at me and wok akros the street
So tired of the suspishus eyes
On all the faces that i meet
And tell me, if i try
To be a diferent guy,
Will you be the girl
To rearrange my wirld?
You take me up,
You take me down,
Take me to the sky,
Take me to the ground,
I'd go anywhere
If you would only take me there. — Carolee Dean

How far can you go down the wrong path before you can't get back on the right one? — Carolee Dean

People look at me and say I've got it all,
But when you're standing at the top you've got
A log, long way yo fall
And tell me if i do
Can i depend on you?
Will you be the man
Who will catch me if you can?
'Cause I'm fallin' hard
I'm fallin' fast
And i gotta know
If it's gonna last.
You're the one i need
To teach me to believe — Carolee Dean

As long as you're breathing, there's still hope. — Carolee Dean

When I get to the part about Jess kissing me on the Fourth of July and taking me to her beach house,I look at my father and wonder what it is like, seeing people only through a wall of glass. Never touching them. — Carolee Dean

Those who have witnessed executions say there is no sound worse than the weeping of mother watching her son being put to death.
They're wrong. There is one sound that is worse.
There is silence. — Carolee Dean

Reading about how i live, you might assume i am some kind of psychopath, the sort of beast that must be locked away from society. But the truth is that I'm not tat different from you. Not very different at all.
And that should scare the hell out of you — Carolee Dean

My head was spinning. I felt like I'd been drifting, lost at sea all my life, and now that I'd found dry land, I couldn't quite get my bearings. — Carolee Dean

Dude, there should be a law against people singing that bad. — Carolee Dean

Never, never give up what is rightfully yours. — Carolee Dean

Blood never forgets. It has a memory of an ancient path toward home. — Carolee Dean

Don't be afraid to say how you feel, Dylan. Holding things inside is what gets people in trouble. — Carolee Dean

It is hard to believe that a place this small can hold so much hate, and I have the terrible feeling I've only just seen the surface. — Carolee Dean

I used to think that words and music could change the world, but look at the people who have made it. You see their faces all over the tabloids talking about their latest stint in rehab — Carolee Dean

Do you ever look at the people around you and wonder how you ended up with them? — Carolee Dean

So don't ask no questions. Too much truth can be bad. — Carolee Dean

Let me love you, girl who came from the sea. Let us swim to the bottom of the ocean where we can be anything and where no one can find us. We will grow gills and breathe salt water. We will sprout fins and scales and make our home in underground caves. Or else will drown there. But either way, i will be happy — Carolee Dean

I stand to leave, but my father says, "Wait!" over the red telephone. "Let me just look at you a minute." He smiles at me proudly. "I know you been in some trouble, son, but you turned out good. That's all I ever wanted," he tells me. Then he puts his hand against the glass and I put my hand against the glass. "I love you," he says.
"I love you, too," I say back. — Carolee Dean

I'm Writing my stoy. But i'm also plotting my escape from this prison cell.

This is my plan.
I will do it with words.
I will write them by day.
I will write them by night.
I will write them on the walls,
the stalls, the halls.
I will write them in big bold ink
on posters i hang on the concrete blocks.
I will write them on little pieces of paper
I stuff on the mattress and the pillow.
I will write them with fingers
bent and cramped from use.
I will write them in blood
if i have to,
but only my own.
And i will keep writing them,
again, and again, and again,
until i fill this prison cell so full of words,
that the bars bend and buckle and burst
because they cannot contain them
And then
I will
be free. — Carolee Dean

I hear my father's voice faintly, over the telephone, answering for me in a soft drawl. "He's my son." He reaches out his hand, pressing it against the glass, as if trying to touch me. He smiles, and I see a tear making its way down his cheek.
[ ... ]
I press my hand up against my father's and I'm suddenly close enough to the glass to see my reflection, blurred by the tears now filling my eyes. I wipe them away with my fist and take a good look at my father. — Carolee Dean

I have learned there is more than one way to die. — Carolee Dean

As soon as I left one town, I was in another, each one a totally different world, as if an invisible box surrounded its edges, keeping everybody in their proper place.
The rich stayed rich. The poor stayed poor. The troublemakers stayed in trouble. — Carolee Dean

Who cares about my voice? There are more important things going on in the world. I want to make a difference. I'm going to law school. I want to become a public defender."
I couldn't believe she'd give up singing to work with scumbags like me. "By the time a guy ends up in front of the judge, it's too late to make a difference."
"It's never too late to make a difference," she said.
"All I'm saying is that with your music you could have an influence on people before they end up in trouble. — Carolee Dean

Don't try to bullshit a bullshitter. — Carolee Dean

I was
holding her
and she was
holding me.
Couldn't see
we both were
going down.
When holding on
is the only thing
you've got,
how can you know
this is how lovers drown? — Carolee Dean

I got words in me, Jess, fighting to find a way out. Sometimes there's so many words and they get so crowded in my skull I think my head is gonna explode. I want to write them down. I've tried, but most of the time my thoughts and my feelings are bigger than what I can get on paper. — Carolee Dean

Dylan - "A mermaid found a swimming lad
Picked him for her own
Presses her body to his body
Laughed; and plunging down,
Forgot in cruel happiness
That even lovers drown."
Jess - "I thought mermaids were supposed to SAVE men."
Dylan - "They are, but sometimes a guy doesn't mind drowning. — Carolee Dean

TIME
Time
goes round and round
the spinning clock,
until the fateful day
time
folds it's tired hands
and
stops. — Carolee Dean

They say money changes you. it isn't true. it changes everybody around you. — Carolee Dean

So quit asking everybody else questions, unless you're ready to answer some questions yourself. — Carolee Dean

We sit in silence, all the unanswered and unasked questions thicker than the wall of glass between us. — Carolee Dean

The mind can only remember what it's willing to remember - because if you are guilty, then the truth is not the thing that sets you free. It's the thing that gets you locked away. — Carolee Dean

The Road
Life isn't a destination
It's a journey.
But you gotta be heading somewhere
or you're just a mouse
going round.
Even if
the place you wind up
isn't the place
you where bound — Carolee Dean