Brian Spellman Quotes & Sayings

I dreamed of being special then awoke to be unique. — Brian Spellman

I'm all groan up in America. — Brian Spellman

My secret to maintaining a youthful appearance? Immaturity. — Brian Spellman

There's an ad for every vice. That's advice. — Brian Spellman

Psychosis is person less persona, raving sincerity. — Brian Spellman

He who laughs last laughs ... doesn't get it. — Brian Spellman

He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword ... unless he's a general. — Brian Spellman

An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay. — Brian Spellman

People always switched on turn me off. — Brian Spellman

I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up - late. — Brian Spellman

That's art. Nothing is for everybody. — Brian Spellman

Self talk and self prayer: When you audible the first and correctly interpret, the white coats correct you in a nuthouse. When you audible the second and misinterpret, the dinner coats swear you to an oath in the White House. Does this make you nuts too? Then outfit your sanity seeking political asylum at my house. — Brian Spellman

Kindness knows no kind. — Brian Spellman

Fifty percent of life is ninety percent indecisive. The rest is confusing. — Brian Spellman

Talking to yourself is okay. Answering back is risky. — Brian Spellman

Nice days are more unsafe. There are more of them. — Brian Spellman

Life is short unless agony is long. — Brian Spellman

The brain is unreliable. It relies on lies. — Brian Spellman

All of my cartoons are better than each other. — Brian Spellman

Peace ain't worth fighting for. — Brian Spellman

War makes persons special, peoples cheap. — Brian Spellman

If you see me standing on my head, I'm trying to cheer you up with my frown. I need my honesty, you my pleasantry. — Brian Spellman

As one mouth closes, another always opens. — Brian Spellman

If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once? — Brian Spellman

Honesty is the best insurance policy. — Brian Spellman

Again, your name? I was psychoanalyzing your face. — Brian Spellman

The late bird gets the fish that got the worm. — Brian Spellman

I can't prove it yet know it when I seem it. — Brian Spellman

On the plus side, life doesn't add up. — Brian Spellman

Ignorance is bliss. Wisdom is blisters. — Brian Spellman

Absence makes the mind go yonder. — Brian Spellman

I awoke to a daymare. Life. — Brian Spellman

You can't stop a man from stopping himself. — Brian Spellman

It's a free country." Inmates once bought this. That's why they're inmates. — Brian Spellman

I recovered from recovering so no longer celebrate not doing bad things to defend myself as good. I added new bad for good measure. — Brian Spellman

I chase my dreams through nightmares. — Brian Spellman

A broken shoelace can strangle me. — Brian Spellman

Allow me to contradict my clarifications and in no time we'll get to the bottom of nothing. — Brian Spellman

My son, I don't believe in God, prayer, afterlife or miracles. You may disagree with me on all of these. I'd prefer that you agree and reserve rebellion and independence over important issues instead. — Brian Spellman

A bind is when you're quadriplegic, suicidal about that and unable to persuade your best friend to murder you. — Brian Spellman

The shot glass is half drunk. — Brian Spellman

When all seems hopeless, cross your fingers and stick with the secular prayer. — Brian Spellman

A good night's sleep counts healthy sheep. — Brian Spellman

I can't name just one example. Then there's only one. — Brian Spellman

I learned to smile, avoiding happiness advice. — Brian Spellman

Swallowed my pride and shit lions. — Brian Spellman

I couldn't stop so I quit. — Brian Spellman

The fine line between genius and madness is a punch line. Duck, you idiot! — Brian Spellman

My body has never been to Europe. My mind has never left it. — Brian Spellman

I'm nostalgic for a better tomorrow. — Brian Spellman

Build the prisons and they will commit the crimes. — Brian Spellman

Our archaeological ancestry lost hair while growing sweat glands to reduce panting in the hot African sun. One outcome evolved the origin of our speech. Another conquered our ability to shut the hell up and listen. Now? Politicians grunting "On the Origin of Speeches" past one another. — Brian Spellman

Dad got furious when we lied to him. No, Dad got furious then we lied to him. — Brian Spellman

If the mind fits, shrink it. — Brian Spellman

It's not how I take tragic news but how I make tragic views that unscrews me. — Brian Spellman

I can't answer you in a nutshell. We wouldn't fit unless we saw the same shrink. — Brian Spellman

I never read Civil Disobedience. They did assign it. — Brian Spellman

We contradict all for which we stand for we all stand for the lie the whole lie and nothing but the lie so help save our lying asses. — Brian Spellman

If you want to commit suicide why tell anyone? They'd ruin everything. — Brian Spellman

With good morality first candidates you'll get bad candor, bad ethics, bad loyalty and bad morality - lastly bad odor will surface to save the day if you maintain good optimism like I do. — Brian Spellman

Our atheist thoughts go out to his family following their loss. — Brian Spellman

Don't stay in this now. You'll fall behind. — Brian Spellman

Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear so don't look and they'll stay farther away than you expect they would. — Brian Spellman

A woman drove me to drink. I don't drink and drive. — Brian Spellman

Every swamp has a silted lining. — Brian Spellman

Where have you been all of your life? — Brian Spellman

I love objectivity when mine. — Brian Spellman

If at first you don't concede, try, try a gun. — Brian Spellman

It's no longer time to take sides for or against race, rather sides against those who still do. — Brian Spellman

Paradoxes only stump sane people. Nuts have irrational on our side. — Brian Spellman

They're good but not all as good as each other. — Brian Spellman

I assume therefore I think I think yet still don't know a goddamn thing. — Brian Spellman

I think I think too much too. — Brian Spellman

There is a meaning of life but I've been sworn to secrecy. — Brian Spellman

The glass is completely full...of shit. — Brian Spellman

Don't hold grudges. Life's too long. — Brian Spellman

Most leave to be on time, thus always late. — Brian Spellman

Psychiatrists urge me to take my tranquilizers. When I don't they become agitated. I take their pills to calm them down. — Brian Spellman

Okay, you won our shitty little argument. Pass the world. — Brian Spellman

My life is so bad that it's worse than it really is. — Brian Spellman

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Let them eat croissants. — Brian Spellman

All porn stars on Animal Farm are equal but some porn scenes are more unequal than others. — Brian Spellman

Ultimate meaning is meaningless. Meaning meaning means everything else. — Brian Spellman

Always go with your first impetuosity. — Brian Spellman

I hate feeling hate but feeling nothing feels worse. — Brian Spellman

When to others it's not lying. It's privacy. — Brian Spellman

Suicide solves midlife crises. — Brian Spellman

Dreams don't come true, they are true. — Brian Spellman

The zoo lost its elephant again. It never forgets where to go. I found it in the middle of my room. — Brian Spellman

Eighty percent of showing up for life is ninety percent exaggerated. — Brian Spellman

Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories. — Brian Spellman

I've been coerced into free will. — Brian Spellman

Never speak ill of the dead, insult his kin instead. — Brian Spellman

If life was fair ... one third of the people would comprise of judges and lawyers ... one third of police and prison officials ... and one third of legislators ... and one third more to make the other three thirds make any sense at all .... Thank goodness for no fair. — Brian Spellman

The pill for Insurance Deficit Disorder - aspirin. — Brian Spellman

A CEO is known by the company he reaps. — Brian Spellman

Too many crooks spoil the Roth. — Brian Spellman

Science seeks the right answer, humor the right wrong answer. — Brian Spellman

To Americans, either/or means both. — Brian Spellman

Fear of curiosity kills the cat ... slowly. — Brian Spellman