Brian Celio Quotes & Sayings

Some people put up a peace sign with one hand. Some people put up the middle finger instead. I use two hands and put up both. — Brian Celio

History, lie of our lives, mire of our loins. Our sins, our souls. Hiss-tih-ree: the tip of the pen taking a trip of three steps (with one glide) down the chronicle to trap a slick, sibilant character. Hiss. (Ss.) Tih. Ree.
He was a pig, a plain pig, in the morning, standing five feet ten on one hoof. He was a pig in slacks. He was a pig in school. He was a pig on the dotted line. But in my eyes it's always the ones signing dotted lines that become pigs.
Did this pig have a precursor? He did, indeed he did. In point of fact, dating all the way back to the Biblical Age. Oh where? About everywhere you look there's pigs giving that fancy ol' snake a chase. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can always count on a fuckin' pretentious sarcastican for a fancy prose style. — Brian Celio

I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed? — Brian Celio

Just because you're scarred for life doesn't mean you should be scared to live. — Brian Celio

As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone. — Brian Celio

Let me be frank even though I'm Vincent and prefer to be called V. — Brian Celio

Individuality or Unity? I say there's room for both. — Brian Celio

I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous. — Brian Celio

I'll take a redrum with a rellik please. — Brian Celio

I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home? — Brian Celio

Don't hate me 'cause I'm booed a fool! — Brian Celio

Just because you're upfront with someone doesn't mean you're an honest person; you might just be someone in the passenger seat. — Brian Celio

Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary. — Brian Celio

Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart. — Brian Celio

He has your finger, but I have your heart. — Brian Celio

Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own. — Brian Celio

You might not be able to stomach it, but as long as you can mind it, your heart will be all right. — Brian Celio

True friends: only a few have 'em, but only a few will admit that they don't. — Brian Celio

Technology forced me to divorce a pixie and remarry a pixel. — Brian Celio

A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both. — Brian Celio

What's love if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get back once lost? What's hate if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get rid of once found? — Brian Celio

Love becomes logically true when lost but still sought from the same source. — Brian Celio

Fire is no laughing matter. In a drunken attempt to appear womanly, my neighbor tried to burn her pubes off when she was fifteen, but it hurt too much to get it completely smooth. My friend had sex with her two years later and said her clit looked like a chestnut. I've been pro-bush ever since. — Brian Celio

I write my own quotes. Except this one. I obviously stole this from somebody really clever. — Brian Celio

I wish my nose would blow me for once. — Brian Celio

Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris. — Brian Celio

Maybe the best way to get people to be pro-life is to start 'em off in amateur-life. — Brian Celio

Postmodernism has turned into this devil's vortex where no matter what you do, your neck will be turned and your face shoved into a foreign example, and worse, no matter what you say, despite the context, it will be considered a postmodern device. That's the danger of postmodernism: it poses itself as something that can't be trumped, something you can't escape. It continually mocks your efforts for the sake of its name. I know even this will be seen as another postmodern bullet, and no matter what I say, critics and readers will be locked into how to lock me in. — Brian Celio

The only way to get under me is to get over yourself. — Brian Celio

Get tough: don't work under pressure; work over pressure. — Brian Celio

I'm just like any other person you can meet and greet on the street and like or not like. I'm not Holden or Humbert. You can really touch me! If you don't believe me, come to Aristod right now. Come hold and hump me! — Brian Celio