Brent Crawford Quotes & Sayings

I'm probably sterile. At least I can stop worrying about getting girls pregnant (if I ever get to have sex with them). Do you still get horny if your nuts are broken? My eyes open, and I find Andre standing over me, saying, "I felt your nads through my helmet!" I stop writhing for a second to give him props. "That's gold, dude! — Brent Crawford

So I think when you tap into something that you really want to do, you have to fight for it, even if the fight is with yourself. — Brent Crawford

You did too! You stole my bike, A-HOLE!" I yell out. Jeez, I'm like a Chatty Cathy Doll: just pull my string and I'll say, "You stole my bike, A-HOLE! — Brent Crawford

EJ cries, "We've been best friends since kindergarten. You can't become a babe slayer and leave me in the dust! I don't have an older sister. I'm disadvantaged. All I got is Emmy, who can only drop preschool wisdom like, 'No pull Barbie's hair!'"
"That's probably some early girl wisdom. Nobody likes to get their hair pulled," I say. "Except this one chick in my porno; I think she's into it. I cant really tell, though. I wish they would slow down. — Brent Crawford

My life would be a lot easier if I enjoyed it more. — Brent Crawford

Ohhh, OH no you didn't!" he screams. "Nobody touches the TERRY!" Then he starts punching himself in he face. This kid really is crazy! I may not even have to fight him. He's doing it for me, and I'm winning! — Brent Crawford

My heart skips a beat. Seriously, like a CD from the public library, it goes ZZebbTTT and skips. — Brent Crawford

These kids are all trying so hard to be weird. I'm genuinely weird, so I can spot the effort a mile away. — Brent Crawford

Lynn looks up at him to see if he's serious. "What?" he asks her. "If anybody is gonna put Carter's head through the wall, it should be me."
EJ's eyes snap open, and he scoots away from me slowly. I'll remember this, Wingman! — Brent Crawford

There's nothing like being called a feminine hygiene product to keep you from crying. — Brent Crawford

When things suck, time stands still, but when you have an epiphany and you're having the time of your life, it goes by in fast forward. — Brent Crawford

The last thing I need is for my dad to stroll in and see me abusing myself to lighting-fast pornographic images.Military school will become a reality faster than those people are doing it. — Brent Crawford

Well, you know, I might try out for the musical," I say real quick.
[ ... ] She nods and says, "You should. We need guys." [ ... ] She smiles and says, "Break a leg" as I walk out.
That was uncalled for. "Bitch," I say under my breath as the door closes. — Brent Crawford