Benjamin Alire Saenz Quotes & Sayings

About stuff. Stupid stuff. And then he asked me, "Why do Mexicans like nicknames?" "I don't know. Do we? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe the difference between being a boy and being a man is that boys couldn't control the awful things they sometimes felt. And men could. That afternoon, I was just a boy. Not even close to being a man. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe it's a terrible thing, to keep a war to yourself. But maybe that's the way it has to be. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I was fifteen.
I was bored.
I was miserable. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

If you want to be a writer, you don't want to live in a comfortable place. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

What if hummingbirds lost their wings? We had twenty-four hours to come back with an answer, and it took her precisely ten hours and seven minutes to text me back: Then it would rain for days and the world would know the rage of the grieving sky. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I have always felt terrible inside. The reasons for this keep changing. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I knew that a part of him would never be the same. They cracked more than his ribs. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

She does not know how to measure her life. When Sam was alive, she measured it through his love. She had always measured herself through the look in his eyes. She is afraid of admitting that to herself. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Beautiful," she said. I turned the page, and she smiled. It was a picture of the day when we built the human pyramid in my backyard, and I was at the top. The caption read: One day, all these Mexicans built a pyramid to the Sun. "You were my pyramid," she whispered. "All of you. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

And then Fito sort of hung his head and he was blinking his eyes, like he was trying to blink away all the tears that he'd held inside all his life. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I thought of what my father had told me one summer day. I'd fallen down, and my knee was all scraped up and bleeding. We sat on the back porch, and he cleaned my wound and put a Band-Aid on it. The sky had cleared after a summer storm. I'd been crying, and he tried to get me to smile. "Your eyes are the color of sky. Did you know that?" I don't know why I remembered this. Maybe it was because I knew he was telling me he loved me. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

She could almost see his smile. A sunrise. Breaking the darkness. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe my life isn't all that interesting but at least I'm busy. Busy doesn't mean happy. I know that. But at least I'm not bored. Being bored is the worst. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Our parents are really weird," he said. "Because they love us? That's not so weird." "It's how they love us that's weird. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Sometimes, all you have to do is tell people the truth. They won't believe you. After that, they'll leave you alone. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. Yeah, that was a good song. My theme song. But really I thought it was everybody's theme song. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Everyone expected something from me. Something I just couldn't give. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Parents are rule givers. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

What is it with you and that book?"
Rafael laughed. "We have a personal relationship. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Don't ever underestimate the people who love you. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

God, I was beginning to hate this hope inside me. Sometimes, hope kept you from seeing the truth. Sometimes hope made you keep holding on to something that you should let go of. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I didn't know what to do with that piece of information. So I just kept it inside. That's what I did with everything. Kept it inside. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Talking just adds to the noise pollution in the world. If we were really serious about going green, then maybe we'd all just be quiet. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Did anybody ever tell you that you weren't normal?
Is that something I should aspire to? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

A girl is like a tree? Yeah, and a guy is about as smart as a piece of dead wood infested with termites — Benjamin Alire Saenz

And why was it that some guys had tears in them and some had no tears at all? Different boys lived by different rules. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Sometimes when people talk, they don;t always tell the truth. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Do you think the heart needs love to keep on beating? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Yeah," I said. Sometimes I was full of halfhearted yeahs. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

winter was coming. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I thought of what my mom had said. "You talk like a man." It was easier to talk like a man than to be one. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

It was like she understood something about me that she'd never quite understood before. I always felt that when she looked at me, she was trying to find me, trying to find out who I was. But it seemed at that moment that she saw me, that she knew me. But that confused me. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I'm trying not to be ashamed... — Benjamin Alire Saenz

She was a counselor, a therapist, a beautiful woman. He was nothing. That's what he was. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I closed my eyes and let the water rush over me and I wondered what it would be like to be as soft as water, to make people clean, to quench people's thirst. That would be a beautiful thing, to be like water. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Your smile is back.' That's what Dante said.
'Smiles are like that. They come and go. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I wondered if my smile was as big as hers. Maybe as big. But not as beautiful. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I don't mind working. And anyway, what would I do? I don't like to watch TV. I'm out of touch with my own generation. And I have you and Mom to thank for that. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I hated living in the small and claustrophobic atmosphere of my house. It didn't feel like home anymore. I felt like an unwanted guest. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Water was something he loved, something he respected. He understood its beauty and its dangers. He talked about swimming as if it were a way of life. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I found myself whispering, "Do you think we'll ever discover all the secrets of the universe?"
I was surprised to hear Susie's voice answering my question. "That would be a beautiful thing, wouldn't it, Ari?"
"Yeah," I whispered. "Really beautiful."
"Do you think, Ari, that love has anything to do with the secrets of the universe? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I didn't understand how you could live in a mean world and not have any of that meanness rub off on you. How could a guy live without meanness? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe kissing was part of the human condition. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Somehow I'd hoped that this would be the summer that I would discover that I was alive. The world my mom and dad said was out there waiting for me. That world doesn't actually exist. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

My father nodded. 'Ari, the problem isn't just that Dante's in love with you. The real problem
for you anyway
is that you're in love with him. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

If we studied birds, maybe we could learn to be free. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I wondered what it was like to feel whole, to not feel torn up or stunned out or wigged out or any of those things. I wondered what it was like to walk around the world looking up at the sky instead of searching the ground, eye to eye with things that crawled. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

He didn't know anyone could cry like that. A wind was coming from inside her. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

The thing about tears is that they can be as quiet as a cloud floating across the desert sky. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

He was on fire, she could almost touch the rage. He could scare people. He could make anyone afraid, if he wanted to. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I'll leave a note to the rector of the cathedral and remind him that a woman gave him birth. Something for him to think about the next time he gives one of his sermons. I'm writing all this down. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

And what constituted a cure? What was healing for a damaged human being? Who needed help and who didn't? And anyway, was there really a cure for the truly hurt? People could be totaled, just like cars. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

In order to be wildly popular you had to make people believe that you were fun and interesting I just wasn't that much of a con artist. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

And - for the longest second - how he'd wanted to jump in an ocean, scrub himself raw until all of his skin was gone so he could grow a new outer shell, a shell that man hadn't touched, and he hated how everything came back to him in an instant almost as if it wasn't a memory at all but a moment in time he was condemned to live and relive, a scene in his life he'd have to step into over and over again until he got his lines right, but he would always get it wrong. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

It was like letting go of the sky. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

In transition? What kind of a Mexican mother are you?" "I'm an educated woman. That doesn't un-Mexicanize me, Ari. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

How was I supposed to know him when he didn't let me? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

The thing about artists is that they tell stories. I mean, some paintings are like novels. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

There was something about the sound of a man in pain that resembled the sound of a wounded animal. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I'm fighting myself. I know I am. One minute I want to remember. The next minute I want to live in the land of forgetting. One minute I want to feel. The next minute I never want to feel ever again. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

And prayer? How could you pray to a God you wanted to hit? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Why do you like to cuss?" "Everybody likes to cuss." "I don't." "They don't call you Mr. Excitement for nothing. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

This is my theory: the people who shouldn't hate themselves, do hate themselves. And the people who should hate themselves, don't hate themselves. The world is all backwards. See, this is one of the many reasons why God and I are not good friends. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You're fighting this war in the worst way possible."
"I don't know how to fight it, Dad."
"You should ask for help," he said.
"I don't know how to do that, either. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

They've made it so poor," she said. "It wasn't always like this. The waters once flowed wild, and they weren't hemmed in by cement, and they roared with the fierceness of America. Before they came. But when they came, they came with armor and rage. They came with their Jesus and their crosses and we have never been wild again - neither us nor the river. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Grief was a terrible and beautiful thing. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I wanted to tell them that I'd never had a friend, not ever, not a real one. Until Dante. I wanted to tell them that I never knew that people like Dante existed in the world, people who looked at the stars, and knew the mysteries of water, and knew enough to know that birds belonged to the heavens and weren't meant to be shot down from their graceful flights by mean and stupid boys. I wanted to tell them that he had changed my life and that I would never be the same, not ever. And that somehow it felt like it was Dante who had saved my life and not the other way around. I wanted to tell them that he was the first human being aside from my mother who had ever made me want to talk about the things that scared me. I wanted to tell them so many things and yet I didn't have the words. So I just stupidly repeated myself. Dante's my friend. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I could have asked my father lots of questions. I could have. But there was something in his face and eyes and in his crooked smile that prevented me from asking. I guess I didn't believe he wanted me to know who he was. So I just collected clues. Watching my father read that book was another clue in my collection. Some day all the clues would come together. And I would solve the mystery of my father. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

[He] was brave. He didn't care if the whole world knew he was kind. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I like the old words better. They're like old friends. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

A guy who loves his truck needs other people to admire his driving machine. Yeah, needs. That's the truth. I don't know why, but that's the way truck guys are. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

We laughed again. We couldn't stop. I wondered what it was we were laughing about. Was it just our names? Were we laughing because we were relieved? Were we happy? Laughter was another one of life's mysteries — Benjamin Alire Saenz

But the thing is that I'm in love with Rafael's story. I think I understand when Adam says that all our stories are different but in some ways our stories are all the same. I never really got that. But when I start to read Rafael's journal, it's as if I can see myself. It's better than a mirror. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

For a few minutes I wished that Dante and I lived in the universe of boys instead of the universe of almost-men. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Scars. A sign that you had been hurt. A sign that you had healed. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

The storm was fierce. But I wasn't afraid. I knew my father's love was fiercer than any storm. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

You fight yourself, Zach. And you keep fighting yourself. And it's killing you because you're fighting the best part of yourself. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Moms and God generally get along pretty well. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I'll always remember that look on your face. You saw me. You've always seen me. And I think that's all that anyone wants. That's why Fito loves coming over here. He's been invisible all his life. And all of a sudden he's visible. Seeing someone. Really seeing someone. That's love. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Senior year. And then life. Maybe that's the way it worked. High school was just a prologue to the real novel. Everybody got to write you
but when you graduated, you got to write yourself. At graduation you got to collect your teacher's pens and your parents' pens and you got your own pen. And you could do all the writing. Yeah. Wouldn't that be sweet? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Typically, I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

It felt like there was a whole world living inside her. I didn't know anything about that world. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

But you know we're always going to have to rely on the goodwill of those of you who are straight for our survival. And that's the damned truth. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Who hurt you? When did it happen? How many times? Where? Tell me. Why do you hate yourself? Where do you keep the hurt? — Benjamin Alire Saenz

To be careful with people and with words was a rare and beautiful thing. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Adam says I isolate. He is addicted to telling me that I spend too much time in my head. It's an unhealthy behavior. Look, I don't see how not bothering other people with your screwed-up vision of the world constitutes unhealthy behavior. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

It didn't matter that he'd never see her again because she was safe, and she didn't have to live this kind of life. Her life would be good. She was safe. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

And I thought that maybe there were ghosts inside of me that I hadn't even met yet. They were there. Lying in wait. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Maybe you're just in love with being an outsider. You can join the human race any time you want to."
"What makes you think I want to join? I live in the kind of world that looks at me like I'm some kind of freak. You know, when I told Dave I hadn't gone to college, he flinched. Just for a second. He was so surprised. I don't think he could believe a guy like me could be smart or articulate about anything-because I hadn't gone to college. Maybe it's better if people think you're stupid or slow. They don't expect anything. I live in a world that doesn't expect anything of me because it's already decided I don't matter. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Did you love your brother?"
"I don't remember."
"You don't remember?"
"No, Adam, I don't."
He knew I was lying. I guess I didn't care. Look, I don't want to remember should count as I don't remember. That's what I was thinking. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

And why were the voices there, but he knew why and he knew they would always be there, the voices, knocking at his door, taking over his house. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

The problem with parents is that they're adults. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Gina and Susie were cool, though. No hint of the beer they said they were going to score. They played good girls to my parents. Not that they weren't good girls. That's exactly what they were: good girls who wanted to pretend they were bad girls but who never would be bad girls because they were too decent. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

The Ari I used to be didn't exist anymore. And the Ari I was becoming? He didn't exist yet. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Yeah, I had all kinds of tragic reasons for feeling sorry for myself. Being fifteen didn't help. Sometimes I thought that being fifteen was the worst tragedy of all. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

See, this is the way I see it. Not all anger is the same. Because there are different kids of anger. And you know what else - sometimes, anger is a virtue. As long as you're not making someone bleed. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

It was always easier to be disgusted after the fact. It was easier to shake your head and be outraged, as if the outrage was proof of civility - a sign that the world hadn't died, that it could still scream out in horror, proof that its heart was still beating. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

I watched her from the doorway. I wondered how it was that she came to be the owner of that rage. I wanted it for myself but there was nothing in me. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Talking to myself in my journal qualified as talking to someone my own age. — Benjamin Alire Saenz