Baron Vaughn Quotes & Sayings

Anyone who buys a ticket can just go in there, and I don't like everyone, so I always see concerts as like, I'm going to get punched, I'm going to get elbowed, I'm going to get stepped on, get spilled on, someone's going to hit me with their body odor or something. — Baron Vaughn

Shrimp are the insects of the ocean. They're bottom feeders. So they're delicious, but they're the bugs of the sea. — Baron Vaughn

Surprisingly I've never really stolen anything. One time when I was really young, I was walking down the street, found a GI Joe in the mud, and took it home and I was like, "I got a GI Joe!" And then my great grandmother was like, "You stole that." I said, "What are you talking about?" and she said, "That's not yours." I'm like, "But I found it!" She's like, "But it's not yours, and therefore you stole it." So I just went and put it right back in the mud where I found it. — Baron Vaughn

The thing is that where I want to go isn't necessarily tied to what's going on there politically, but I think Vietnam is a really beautiful country. I think Thailand is also really beautiful. — Baron Vaughn

If you're driving down the street, you keep the neck forward. So that way you can clear out the lanes. — Baron Vaughn

When it was announced that Michael Keaton was going to be Batman, everyone was mad. When they announced that Val Kilmer was going to be Batman, everyone was mad. When it was announced that George Clooney was going to be Batman, everyone was mad. When it was announced that Christian Bale was going to be Batman, everyone was mad. And everyone was mad about Ben Affleck. So every single incarnation, people are going to be mad; you just can't do anything about it. — Baron Vaughn

The Middle East is gorgeous, but again, politically, I would not want to go there. — Baron Vaughn

I read recently that I was born in Arizona. I wasn't born in Arizona. I was born in New Mexico, but I can understand why people might confuse those two Southwestern desert states. — Baron Vaughn

The alphabet was invented in Iraq, so it's a cool place. — Baron Vaughn

One time I was really close to Steve Martin. I was too afraid to actually go talk to him, but I'll count that as meeting. — Baron Vaughn

Sometimes I have young comics that ask me, "What should I do when I meet an agent or a manager and they ask me stuff?" And I say, "Well, they always usually ask, 'Where do you see yourself in five years, 10 years, 15 years?' And it's good to have an answer for that." — Baron Vaughn

You can fit two United States and maybe a third one into the entire continent of Africa, but on a map we make the entire continent of Africa look like the size of the United States, which is why a lot of people don't know that Africa is a continent. They think it's a country because it looks as big as we do. — Baron Vaughn