Andy Weir Quotes & Sayings

Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It's like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it's hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you've gained all the experiences it had. — Andy Weir

If the reader is rooting for the protagonist, they'll forgive you just about everything else. — Andy Weir

Just tell mom the supplies would last, okay? — Andy Weir

Hurray for standardized valve systems! — Andy Weir

Yeah. This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure. That was sarcasm, by the way. Well, — Andy Weir

Mars and my own stupidity keep trying to kill me. — Andy Weir

It just goes to show," Teddy said. "Love of science is universal across all cultures. — Andy Weir

Sorry for the delay," Vogel said. "I was required to make a bomb. — Andy Weir

If ruining the only religious icon I have leaves me vulnerable to Martian vampires, I'll have to risk it. — Andy Weir

Computer programming is pretty much guaranteed income. I'm good at it, and I like it. — Andy Weir

Research into manned spaceflight is shifting from low-Earth orbit to destinations much further away, like Mars and the asteroid belt. But society will have to invent many new technologies before it can plausibly send people to those distances. — Andy Weir

But really, they did it because every human being has a basic instinct to help each other out. It might not seem that way sometimes, but it's true. — Andy Weir

(assuming they didn't cancel the program in the wake of my "death"). — Andy Weir

My terrifying struggle to stay alive became somehow routine. Get up in the morning, eat breakfast, tend my crops, fix broken stuff, eat lunch, answer e-mail, watch TV, eat dinner, go to bed. The life of a modern farmer. Then I was a trucker, doing a long haul across the world. And finally, a construction worker, rebuilding a ship in ways no one ever considered before this. — Andy Weir

Also, please watch your language. Everything you type is being broadcast live all over the world. [12:15] WATNEY: Look! A pair of boobs! - (.Y.) — Andy Weir

The worst moments in life are heralded by small observations. — Andy Weir

The thing that is really hard about adaptation is that I try to only pick things I love because if it is something where you think, "Oh, that sounds like an interesting idea but I don't love it," then I can't do my job well. — Andy Weir

I told NASA what I did. Our (paraphrased) conversation was: Me: "I took it apart, found the problem, and fixed it." NASA: "Dick. — Andy Weir

Message reads: 'Houston, be advised: Rich Purnell is a steely-eyed missile man. — Andy Weir

Designing a station with artificial gravity would undoubtedly be a daunting task. Space agencies would have to re-examine many reliable technologies under the light of the new forces these tools would have to endure. Space flight would have to take several steps back before moving forward again. — Andy Weir

People have been using human waste as fertilizer for centuries. It's even got a pleasant name: "night soil. — Andy Weir

Any concerns or reservations?" Venkat asked. "Yeah. I'm concerned about what I ate last night. I think it had an eyeball in it." "I'm sure there wasn't an eyeball." "The engineers here made it for me special," Mitch said. "There may have been an eyeball," Venkat said. "They hate you. — Andy Weir

How did I end up in this situation? I'm the district sales manager of a napkin factor. Why is my daughter in space? — Andy Weir

Why doesn't Rosco just go to the Duke farm and arrest them when they're not in the car? — Andy Weir

An ironic death for someone with a leaky space suit: too much oxygen. — Andy Weir

Don't tell your stories to anyone. You'll be more motivated knowing it's a prerequisite to having an audience. — Andy Weir

My father has a great love of science, and he indoctrinated me into it early. I think I was 12 or so when we designed a moon base. — Andy Weir

If you asked every engineer at NASA what the worst scenario for the Hab was, they'd all answer "fire." If you asked them what the result would be, they'd answer "death by fire." But — Andy Weir

Just three words? Nothing about his physical health? His equipment? His supplies?'

'You got me,' she said. 'He left a detailed status report. I just decided to lie for no reason.'

'Funny,' Venkat said. 'Be a smart-ass to a guy seven levels above you at your company. See how that works out.'

'Oh no,' Mindy said. 'I might lose my job as an interplanetary voyeur? I guess I'd have to use my master's degree for something else.'

'I remember when you were shy.'

'I'm space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job. — Andy Weir

Mars and my stupidity keep trying to kill me. — Andy Weir

Anything, Tim?" "Totally," he replied. "But we're staring at this black screen because it's way more interesting than pictures from Mars." "You're a smart-ass, Tim," Venkat said. "Noted. — Andy Weir

I've looted that poor Hab for everything it could give me, and in return it's kept me alive for a year and a half. It's like the Giving Tree. — Andy Weir

They hate you."
"Why?"
"Cause you're a dick, Mitch. — Andy Weir

If the oxygenator breaks down, I'll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I'll die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, I'll just kind of explode. If none of those things happen, I'll eventually run out of food and starve to death. So yeah. I'm fucked. — Andy Weir

Tomorrow night, I'll sink to an all new low! Lemme rephrase that... Tomorrow night, I'll be at rock bottom! No, that doesn't sound good either... Tomorrow night, I'll be in Giovanni Schiaparelli's favorite hole! Okay, I admit I'm just fucking around now. — Andy Weir

I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It's kind of silly if you think about it. I'm in my space suit on Mars and I'm navigating with sixteenth-century tools. But hey, they work. — Andy Weir

The reason space missions need artificial gravity is clear: humans simply did not evolve to live in zero gravity. — Andy Weir

I do know that the best way to make a mediocre movie is to just transcribe the book. — Andy Weir

MINDY TRUDGED to her computer. Today's shift began at 2:10 p.m. Her schedule matched Watney's every day. She slept when he slept. Watney simply slept at night on Mars, while Mindy had to drift forty minutes forward every day, taping aluminum foil to her windows to get any sleep at all. — Andy Weir

I'm not a mama's boy or anything. I'm a full-grown man who only occasionally wears diapers (you have to in an EVA suit). — Andy Weir

Also, I have duct tape. Ordinary duct tape, like you buy at a hardware store. Turns out even NASA can't improve on duct tape. — Andy Weir

I'm calling it the Watney Triangle because after what I've been through, shit on Mars should be named after me. — Andy Weir

The water reclaimer was designed to purify urine and strain humidity out of the air (you exhale almost as much water as you piss). I've mixed my water with soil, making it mineral water. The minerals built up in the water reclaimer. — Andy Weir

I tested the brackets by hitting them with rocks. This kind of sophistication is what we interplanetary scientists are known for. — Andy Weir

At the microscopic level, the protein cubes were solid food particles suspended in thick vegetable oil. The food particles compressed to less than half their original size, but the oil was barely affected at all. This changed the volume ratio of solid to liquid dramatically, which in turn made the aggregate act as a liquid. Known as "liquefaction," this process transformed the protein cubes from a steady solid into a flowing sludge. — Andy Weir

Thanks to the fine taxpayers of America, I have over 100 square meters of the most expensive solar paneling ever made. It has an astounding 10.2 percent efficiency, — Andy Weir

But in the end, if everything goes to plan, I'll have 92 square meters of crop-able soil. Hell yeah I'm a botanist! Fear my botany powers! — Andy Weir

[19:25] JOHANSSEN: The psych team was worried about personality conflicts. [19:25] MAV: What? Just 'cause you guys abandoned me on a godforsaken planet with no chance of survival? — Andy Weir

Any bacteria planning to rot my taters will die screaming. In — Andy Weir

Jack, I'm going to buy your whole team autographed Star Trek memorabilia." "I prefer Star Wars, — Andy Weir

The airlock's on its side, and I can hear a steady hiss. So either it's leaking or there are snakes in here. Either way, I'm in trouble. — Andy Weir

I never realized how utterly silent Mars is. It's a desert world with practically no atmosphere to convey sound. I could hear my own heartbeat. — Andy Weir

Duct tape works anywhere. Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped. — Andy Weir

If a hiker gets lost in the mountains, people will coordinate a search. If a train crashes, people will line up to give blood. If an earthquake levels a city, people all over the world will send emergency supplies. This is so fundamentally human that it's found in every culture without exception. Yes, there are assholes who just don't care, but they're massively outnumbered by the people who do. — Andy Weir

Earth is about to set. Resume 08:00 my time tomorrow morning. Tell family I'm fine. Give crew my best. Tell Commander Lewis disco sucks. — Andy Weir

Also, I'll lose half a liter of water per day to breathing until the humidity in the Hab reaches its maximum and water starts condensing on every surface. Then I'll be licking the walls. Yay. — Andy Weir

Everyone would die but me," she said. "They'd all take pills and die. They'll do it right away so they don't use up any food. Commander Lewis picked me to be the survivor. She told me about it yesterday. I don't think NASA knows about it. — Andy Weir

I don't want to come off as arrogant here, but I'm the best botanist on the planet. — Andy Weir

Everything just changed. Watney's headed for Pathfinder. — Andy Weir

The fourth [meal pack] is "Survived Something That Should Have Killed Me" because some fucking thing will happen, I just know it. I don't know what it'll be, but it'll happen. The rover will break down, or I'll come down with fatal hemorrhoids, or I'll run into hostile Martians, or some shit. When I do (if I live), I get to eat that meal pack. — Andy Weir

Half the people who studied botany were hippies who thought they could return to some natural world system. Somehow feeding seven billion people through pure gathering. — Andy Weir

Godspeed, little taters. — Andy Weir

I can see it now: me holding a map, scratching my head, trying to figure out how I ended up on Venus. — Andy Weir

As soon as the rover toppled, I curled into a ball and cowered. That's the kind of action hero I am. — Andy Weir

Q. Star Wars or Star Trek? A. Doctor Who. — Andy Weir

She kissed his faceplate then looked away, embarrassed. "That was stupid. Don't tell anyone I did that."

"Don't tell anyone I liked it." Beck smiled. — Andy Weir

Live Another Sol would be an awesome name for a James Bond movie. — Andy Weir

He'll pull through, Commander. Have faith." She smiled forlornly. "Rick, you know I'm not religious." "I know," he said. "I'm not talking about faith in God, I'm talking about faith in Mark Watney. Look at all the shit Mars has thrown at him, and he's still alive. He'll survive this. I don't know how, but he will. He's a clever son of a bitch. — Andy Weir

So I go out every night with a homemade sextant and sight Deneb. It's kind of silly if you think about it. I'm in my space suit on Mars and I'm navigating with sixteenth-century tools. — Andy Weir

This all sounds like a great idea with no chance of catastrophic failure. — Andy Weir

Wait. I'm everyone!?"
"Now you're getting it," I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
"I'm every human being who ever lived?"
"Or who will ever live, yes."
"I'm Abraham Lincoln?"
"And you're John Wilkes Booth, too," I added.
"I'm Hitler?" You said, appalled.
"And you're the millions he killed."
"I'm Jesus?"
"And you're everyone who followed him."
You fell silent.
"Every time you victimized someone," I said, "you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you've done, you've done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you. — Andy Weir

It occurs to me: Now that I might live, I have to be more careful about logging embarrassing moments. How do I delete log entries? — Andy Weir

Not because of the perfect landing, but because he left so much fuel behind. Hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine. Each molecule of hydrazine has four hydrogen atoms in it. — Andy Weir

Life is amazingly tenacious. They don't want to die any more than I do. — Andy Weir

It's a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I'm the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn't moved in a million years! I'm the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! — Andy Weir

The problem with small pressure vessels is CO2 toxicity. You can have all the oxygen in the world, but once the CO2 gets above 1 percent, you'll start to get drowsy. At 2 percent, it's like being drunk. At 5 percent, it's hard to stay conscious. Eight percent will eventually kill you. Staying alive isn't about oxygen, it's about getting rid of CO2. — Andy Weir

Not enough," Annie said. "The press is crawling down my throat for this. And up my ass. Both directions, Venkat! They're gonna meet in the middle! — Andy Weir

Beers for everyone if I get back to Earth. — Andy Weir

I just watched an episode where Steve Austin fights a Russian Venus probe that landed on Earth by mistake. As an expert in interplanetary travel, I can tell you there are no scientific inaccuracies in the story. It's quite common for probes to land on the wrong planet. Also, the probe's large, flat-panel hull is ideal for the high-pressure Venusian atmosphere. And, as we all know, probes often refuse to obey directives, choosing instead to attack humans on sight. So — Andy Weir

As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation. — Andy Weir

(50 liters of O2 makes 100 liters of molecules that only have one O each). — Andy Weir

It was a ridiculous sequence of events that led to me almost dying, and an even more ridiculous sequence that led to me surviving. — Andy Weir

It's the same one I used to power the drill that destroyed Pathfinder. I call it my "lucky cable. — Andy Weir

There aren't many people who can say they've vandalized a three-billion-dollar spacecraft, but I'm one of them. — Andy Weir

I guess you could call it a "failure", but I prefer the term "learning experience". — Andy Weir

Well, that concept is critical to the "Mark Watney doesn't die" project — Andy Weir

My asshole is doing as much to keep me alive as my brain. — Andy Weir

So instead, I went to good old "Spare Parts" Rover 1 and stole its environment heater. I've gutted that poor rover so much, it looks like I parked it in a bad part of town. I — Andy Weir

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. Don't wait for an inspired ending to come to mind. Work your way to the ending and see what comes up. — Andy Weir

Just once I'd like something to go as planned, ya know? — Andy Weir

It seemed to work well. The seal looked strong and the resin was rock-hard. I did, however, glue my hand to the helmet. — Andy Weir

I'll be playing with high-voltage power tomorrow. Can't imagine anything going wrong with that! — Andy Weir

But seeing his status doesn't help," Mindy said. "It's not like we can do anything about it if he falls behind. This is a pointless task."
"How long have you worked for the government?" Venkat sighed. — Andy Weir

Eventually, while researching, you'll learn something you didn't want to know. Some fact that ruins a plotline you had in mind. The good news is that sometimes, learning all the facts can make for a much more interesting story than you originally had in mind. — Andy Weir

Things didn't go exactly as planned, but I'm not dead, so it's a win. — Andy Weir

So, in the face of overwhelming odds, I'm left with only one option: I'm going to have to science the shit out of this. — Andy Weir

Hanging up, he grinned at the map. "Mark, you sneaky, clever, son of a bitch! — Andy Weir

Kick a rock? That rock hadn't moved in a million years! — Andy Weir

Just so we're clear, Mark Watney is who I want to be. He has all the qualities I like about myself magnified without any of the qualities I dislike. Mark Watney isn't afraid to fly. — Andy Weir

It's all good to go. No problems that I can see. — Andy Weir