Andy Leeks Quotes & Sayings

Going to the seaside in winter is like seeing your partner first thing in the morning. Ugly, depressing and troubled by wind. — Andy Leeks

Let the cakes be the bastard boyfriend. Let the takeaways be the ghastly girlfriend. For me, alcohol and cigarettes were the girlfriends who cheated on me, and I'll never see them in the same light again. You might ask why I haven't succeeded with this same approach when it comes to food, and this is where I'm willing to accept that my magical technique falls a little flat. It was easy for me to accept that cigarettes and alcohol were responsible for shortening my life, but I have trouble accepting that the same applies to cakes. Call me a sucker, but I keep on giving the ghastly girlfriend another chance, even though she's made it clear that she's going to carry on cheating. Perhaps if I were unfortunate enough to suffer from a debilitating illness such as a heart complaint or diabetes, I'd grow a pair and ditch her. — Andy Leeks

Throughout my life people have constantly told me to 'be careful', to 'take care' and to 'mind how I go'. They may just be figures of speech, but they always seem such stupid things to say to someone. I feel like saying "Thanks for the timely reminder-I was just about to walk up the road naked and blindfolded into oncoming traffic — Andy Leeks

To this day, I've never understood why McDonald's sell a range of salads. To me, that's like a funeral director selling life insurance or a dentist selling sweets. — Andy Leeks