Alice Clayton Quotes & Sayings

Clive remained behind Simon's knees.
Simon's Knees . . .
What a great name for a band. — Alice Clayton

Fucking Wallbanger," I hissed, frozed on the spot.
His grin slid off as well as he played place-the-face for a moment. "Fucking Pink Nightie Girl. — Alice Clayton

Why are you such a manwhoring asshole?" I asked, my face inches from his.
"Why are you such a cockblocking priss?" he asked, and when I opened my mouth to tell him exactly what I thought, the fucker kissed me.
Kissed me.
Placed his lips on mine and kissed me. Under the moon and the stars, with the sounds of the waves crashing and the crickets cricketing. — Alice Clayton

The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen? — Alice Clayton

If it was perfect, we would be rolling around on the sand together, kissing like mad." I stopped walking and looked him straight in the eye. Then I lay down on the sand, and began to roll myself back and forth. He closed his eyes and tilted his face to the sky. "Fucking nuts girl," he sighed. — Alice Clayton

Did you feel that?" he asked, concern crossing his face. "Yeah, I felt it. You too?" I answered, flirting back. "No, I mean, yes, obviously I felt that, but didn't you feel that hit your head?" he asked, beginning to grin broadly. "What are you talking about?" I asked, raising my hand up to my hair. "Oh, Jesus, Grace, a seagull just shit on your head," he stated, beginning to shake. "What? — Alice Clayton

Just trying to get a visual of you on the beach in Spain ...
How's that working out for you?
Pretty spiffy.
Spiffy? Did you just say spiffy?
I typed it actually. You got something against spiffy? — Alice Clayton

Rang out from the kitchen, and I grinned in relief. — Alice Clayton

Sometimes you have to pretend to be feeling better to actually feel better. It's why new workout clothes make you feel like you want to work out. — Alice Clayton

Wkat, you tryin' to cop a feel there?" I snapped, selecting a song.
"Did you or did you not just placed your tits in the path of my hand?" he snapped back."
"I think your hand just moved in front of the girl's trajectory, but don't sweat it. You're hardly the first that these celestial beings have brought into their orbit. — Alice Clayton

And a fire in the fireplace? Wow, that's impressive." I continued, walking backwards into the room.
"Yeah, I saw it in a book about how to woo women ... apparently you all like to be boinked in front of a roaring fire. — Alice Clayton

Oh , God, the British Have landed, Haven't they? — Alice Clayton

A minute. What the hell? Are you really entertaining the idea of a ... gulp ... relationship? And why the fuck did I actually think the word "gulp"? That was a little dramatic, Parker. — Alice Clayton

Dark chocolate was supposed to be good for you, right? — Alice Clayton

High school Simon was big man on campus. He'd had his own posse of what I called the apostles (his old pals Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), headed by his old bestie, Trevor. — Alice Clayton

Text from Mimi to Caroline:
So I'm thinking we should have a game night - you know, play Pictionary and stuff like that?
I'd love to, but I'm slammed. When were you thinking?
Maybe the Saturday night before Thanksgiving? Can you spare a few hours over the weekend?
I can spare a few hours, yes, that's about it. You guys wanna come out to Sausalito? Be nice not to have to go back into the city.
We can do that. I was thinking we should invite Sophia.
Of course we should.
And Neil.
Oh boy.
Trust me.
There's an entire wall of windows in Jillian's house, Mimi. The last thing I need is someone throwing things.
Trust me.
Think Barry Derry sells party insurance? — Alice Clayton

I love the shit out of you. So calm down and just tell me what you need. -Simon — Alice Clayton

Always good when what you need and what you want are the same thing. — Alice Clayton

You done with work?
Yep, at home waiting for you.
Now that's a nice visual ...
Prepare yourself, I'm taking bread out of the oven.
Don't tease me woman ... zucchini?
Cranberry orange. Mmmm ...
No woman has ever done breakfast bread foreplay the way you do.
Ha! When you coming?
Can't. Drive. Straight.
Can we have one conversation when you're not twelve?
Sorry, I'll be there in 30
Perfect, that will give me time to frost my buns.
Pardon me?
Oh, didn't I tell you? I also made cinnamon rolls.
Be there in 25. — Alice Clayton

Can I get you anything? Water? Tea? Anything?"
I turned to face him, as he stepped inside. "No water, no tea, but there is one thing I'd like before I go to sleep," I purred, taking a few steps his way.
"What's that?"
"Goodnight kiss?"
His eyes darkened. "Oh, hell, is that all? That I can do." He closed the distance between us and slipped his arms easily around my waist. — Alice Clayton

Finally, I felt him, exactly where he was meant to be. Barely nudging inside, just the feeling of him entering me was earth-shattering. My own needs quieted for the moment, I watched his face as he began to press inside me for the first time. His eyes bore into mine as I cradled his face in my hands. He looked as though he wanted to say something, and I wondered. What words would we speak, what wonderfully loving things would we say to commemorate this moment?
"Hi."
"Hi. — Alice Clayton

I arched my back and flexed my hips experimentally ... once ... twice ... a third time. It really was true what they said about riding a bike. My body remembered this just as quickly. — Alice Clayton

Sweet dreams and thin walls ... Mother of Pearl. He'd heard me. — Alice Clayton

Megan was able to get me the single most important item in this entire house."
"She got you that new vibrator?"
"Jesus ... "
"Oh, the cookbook, right," he said, remembering.
Megan used to work for the Food Network, and was able to secure me a signed copy of the original Barefoot Contessa cookbook. — Alice Clayton

Don't be ungrateful. Just open it. — Alice Clayton

So, how is the British invasion going? Has he invaded your hoohah yet? — Alice Clayton

Hey, man, I'm old school. Don't make me bust out the Easy-E and the N.W.A I will got straight up gangsta on your ass. No one is more hardcore than a rich, suburban white girl. — Alice Clayton

Hi, pot. It's me, kettle," Sophia snapped back.
"Hi kettle, you have about thirty seconds before this pot kicks your ass. — Alice Clayton

The irony that Simon was literally trying to run away from pussy was not lost on me. — Alice Clayton

The tension was so thick in the room, it was too much. He was too much. I couldn't take the pressure, so I panicked. Sexy and in control Grace left and twelve-year-old Grace took her place. "Heh, heh, you said nuts," I burst out. My self-edit button was now turned off for good. — Alice Clayton

Was I seriously awake at, let's see, one
sixteen a.m. and attempting to discern the national origin of
the woman getting plowed next door? — Alice Clayton

Giggler, I think I hate you most of all. — Alice Clayton

I'm a reasonably attractive young gal, great rack, nice legs, and never had any complaints in the sack. But I'd never been - cue sad music - in love before. And no one had ever been - cue sadder music - in love with me. — Alice Clayton

Yeah, she's right here. She's in the shower, in fact ... Oh, Jack! I told Grace the funniest joke about the British invading her hoo - Wait, what? ... Hold on ... Grace, Jack would like you to know that he has seen the pictures and he thinks you were pointing that shrimp at him far too aggressively ... No, she isn't acknowledging you. She's now banging her head against the shower tiles ... Oops, now she's glaring at me ... she's turning off the shower, Jack ... she's coming towards me ... she's naked, Jack ... and angry ... she's naked and angry, Jack ... you would probably love angry, naked Grace. It's something to see. She's hitting me, Jack ... I think she's going to take the phone away from ... — Alice Clayton

But my parents were there when I needed them, always there. The idea that I would someday have to walk the earth without their anchor and misguided guidance made me wince ... — Alice Clayton

I'm waiting for the magic word." "Um, now?" "Really?" "Asshole?" "Come on." "Clark!" "Vivian." "Oh, fine. Please help me, Clark. Please, please, please?" I managed, gritting my teeth. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" he smiled, his face lighting up. — Alice Clayton

The sounds pouring forth from his nasal passages registered somewhere between grizzly bear and exploding tractor trailer. — Alice Clayton

E kissed me right on my gonna-see-God. — Alice Clayton

Oh, look at that - tomatoes. Harvested by hand, from plants nurtured in perfectly tilled soil by perfectly bearded hipsters, in the land of organic milk and asshole honey, where everyone was happy and in tune with the earth, and the entire world narrowed down to slow, sustainable, and the concept du jour - local.
Fuck local. I'd fucked local, and look where it got me. Angry/not angry, listening/not listening for a phone call or text, feeling/not feeling overwhelmed, confused, betrayed, and slightly ... used? — Alice Clayton

It's like kissing a Jack 'o' Lantern. What's with the grin? — Alice Clayton

I didn't think I could love you more, but I really kind of do. — Alice Clayton

My boyfriend likes to fuck my brains out on our kitchen island. Which tile would you recommend for that? — Alice Clayton

That's the only reason," he said. "Have a good night. Sweet dreams. — Alice Clayton

-"Wow,are we becoming friends?" I asked.
-"Hmmm ... friends." He appeared to think carefully and examined me and my state of blush.
"Yes, I think we are."
-"Interesting. From cockblocker to friend. Not bad." I giggled. — Alice Clayton

Cheese. Cheeeeeese. What a thin, flat, nasal-sounding word for such a luscious, rich, gorgeous thing. Hard. Soft. Ripe. Grainy. Creamy. Often stinky. I'd yet to find a cheese I didn't adore. — Alice Clayton

I assigned him to help me trim the Brussels sprouts, but instead he kept trying to throw them away when he thought I wasn't looking.
Brussels sprouts, Grace, really? These are our friends. Why are you doing this to them? — Alice Clayton

I'm outside.
Oh.
And I can hear you.
Ohhh.
You said my name.
Oh. My. God.
Let me in — Alice Clayton

The beginnings of carpal tunnel were threatening to set in as I tried desperately to get myself off. But O was on seemingly permanent hiatus. And I don't mean Oprah. — Alice Clayton

My mouth had sought his, and his had grown as eager as mine. There was no fairy-tale music, but there was something there. And it had quickly hardened against my thigh. — Alice Clayton

Sleep hair, or the speedbump abs. Practically. — Alice Clayton

Look how fantastic this ring looks on my hand while it's holding your cook."
"Jesus Christ, woman. — Alice Clayton

Get your ass over here right now, you motherfucking scary movie pusher. — Alice Clayton

So what do we do next? Y'know, as people in a relationship after they've solved a conflict."
"Pretty sure a blow job should follow this," he said seriously. — Alice Clayton

His eyes were so blue, it was like looking at two angry oceans. — Alice Clayton

I was harder to pin down, but I knew him when I saw him. Like the Supreme Court and pornography, I was aware. — Alice Clayton

I want you. I want that, what they had today. I want it all, and I want it with you. I want you, want you to be my wife. I've got a ring, I'll give it to you right now if you'll say yes. — Alice Clayton

Stop it. If you say sorry one more time I'm gonna go find something of yours and pee on it, I swear. — Alice Clayton

He was wooing me. And I was letting him woo. I wanted the woo. I deserved the woo. I needed the wow that would surely follow the woo, but for now, the woo? It was whoa. — Alice Clayton

He was everything I'd ever wanted, and everything I hadn't even known I needed. — Alice Clayton

I literally could not feel more cozy right now if I were actually inside a marshmallow — Alice Clayton

With one lick, I was close. With a second lick, I was close to stupid. — Alice Clayton

I breathed in, he breathed out. We traded actual air. — Alice Clayton

You really have no idea, do you?"
"No idea about what?"
"How thoroughly you own me, Nightie Girl," he said, leaning in to whisper this part in my ear. "And I know I love you enough to want you to have your happy ending. — Alice Clayton

Grace, did you just sniff my shirt?" He asked, incredulous.
"Yep, I did. What of it? And after you leave, I'll probably lay on your side for a while because the pillow smells like you. I'm ridiculous when I'm in love. We're talking Hallmark over here. — Alice Clayton

She realized it wasn't about the wedding; it was about the marriage. Her. Him. Together. She got married barefoot because all she cared about was him. That guy. And the throw-up shoes weren't going to stop that from happening. — Alice Clayton

You want to know if that's the only reason I called, Vivian? he asked finally, his voice octaves and octaves lower than Daytime Clark. Raspy, gruff, rough-and-tumble. — Alice Clayton

I knew it wouldn't always be this easy. But it sure as hell would be a good time. — Alice Clayton

Oh please, like you don't know. You're bigger than a breadbox! — Alice Clayton

Like I could stop? Don't you know I dream about this when I'm away?" he asked, nudging me with his nose, exactly where I needed his mouth to be.
"You ... dream about ... this?" I asked, arching my back. I was so close, so very close.
"Fuck, yes, are you kidding?" He flattened his tongue and dragged it across my entire sex, dipping inside and continuing up, closing his mouth now and encircling me with his lips. Releasing me with a groan of his own, he brought one hand down, using his fingers to press into me. "I think about this, and the sounds you make when you come, the way you taste. Mmm ... sweet Caroline, you drive me crazy. — Alice Clayton

You gonna bang my walls, Simon?" I laughed.
"You have no idea," he promised. — Alice Clayton

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I knew it was him. My skin told me. — Alice Clayton

It was fun making this guy blush. — Alice Clayton

OK snark, settle. You're telling me you don't have the tiniest crush on him? Tell the truth, Grace," she said, cornering me over by the dishwasher.
"I don't have a crush," I debated.
"Well, maybe I have half a crush. I have a 'cruh'," I admitted, giggling.
"But it's strickly Joshua inspired," I added, knowing that was not entirely true. — Alice Clayton

This is the heart I need. And if I have this - and a little schmaltz - I dont need anything else in the world — Alice Clayton

Why ride a cowboy when you can ride a librarian? — Alice Clayton

Peeling apples, just peeling apples. Didn't feel your boobs. No, no, not me — Alice Clayton

Yep, ready to go. Simon, this is James. James,
Simon. They leaned in to shake hands, and I could see that
they both exerted a little extra force, neither seeming to
want to be the one to let go first. I rolled my eyes. Yes, boys.
You can both write your names in the snow. The question is,
who would make bigger letters? — Alice Clayton

Fucking gorgeous man. And the best part? The way he looked at me. Like I was the prettiest girl in the room.
"Hey, baby."
The man was a poet.
"Hey."
I was too. — Alice Clayton

Well, considering my entire life, now seems rules by odd coincidences, I figure it's right on track. — Alice Clayton

He was the yin to my yang, the frick to my frack, the melba toast to my Chex. — Alice Clayton

His gaze grew wistful, and he looked so young. 'I don't want to put things off, even though we haven't been together a really long time. I don't want to wait
you never know what can ... Look. I adore you, and I want a home. Again. With you. — Alice Clayton

He shook his head. "You're a bit of a train wreck, aren't you?" I puffed a bit of hair away from my face. "Choo choo? — Alice Clayton

Babies. I want to fill you up with babies. Like, make you pregnant with babies. And have some of the babies. Babies. Babies. Caroline? Babies — Alice Clayton

For the record, I am so turned on by your elbow patches, I'm coming out of my skin over here. — Alice Clayton

Have to keep those lawns as green as possible, even when there was a drought, you know. Or my smile and nod when Mrs. Snodgrass went on and on about a racy book that everyone was talking about but no one would admit to reading, when in fact I know every woman there had read it. I even smiled and nodded when Mr. Peterson lectured us about illegal immigration, when I knew for a fact that his nanny was undocumented. — Alice Clayton

Dream Caroline and Dream Simon were some naughty kids. — Alice Clayton

Get your sweet ass back here. Room 2104.
Don't make me come looking for you
I will make a scene.
I will identify this motherfucking redhead. — Alice Clayton

The eyes and the hair were a package deal, the hair was falling across his eyes in a careless way that said Hey, girl. I've got peas on my shoes, but who cares, because I've got these eyes and this hair, and it's pretty fucking great. — Alice Clayton

Dicks didn't need to be inserted for it to be cheating. — Alice Clayton

You can't misinterpret the sound of a good spanking, and someone was receiving one next door. — Alice Clayton

Grace does not share ice cream. She does, however, talk about herself in the third person. — Alice Clayton

There's all kinds of stuff on the internet. You could've Googled it." he stated. still moving his hand closer. I could feel the energy between us begin to hum again. "I think that you should go Google yourself, Brit boy. I'm not interested in Googling you . — Alice Clayton

I looked above the jeans. Vintage Fugazi concert tee. Green flannel shirt. 10. I looked above the flannel. Two weeks' worth of shaggy blond beard. Mmm. Country hipster. 11. I looked above the beard. Lips. 12. I looked at the lips. 13. I looked at the lips. 14. I looked at the lips. 15. COME ON. 16. I looked above the lips. 17. I was glad I looked above the lips. 18. The eyes and the hair were a package deal, the hair was falling across his eyes in a careless way that said "Hey, girl. I've got peas on my shoes, but who cares, because I've got these eyes and this hair, and it's pretty fucking great." 19. The hair was the color of tabbouleh. 20. His eyes were the color of . . . 21. Pickles? 22. Green beans? 23. No. Broccoli that had been steamed for exactly sixty seconds. Vibrant. Piercing. — Alice Clayton

Wrapped around each other but now clad in a pink nightie and a pair of sweatpants. To be clear, I wore the pink nightie. — Alice Clayton

It doesn't always have to be so hard. Sometimes falling in love just means turning around and seeing what's right in front of you. — Alice Clayton

Prepare yourself, I'm taking bread out of the oven.
Don't tease me, woman ... zucchini? Cranberry orange.
Mmmm ... No woman has ever done breakfast bread foreplay the way you do. — Alice Clayton

You sure about this, Sugar Snap?" ...
"I'm all in, Farmer Boy. — Alice Clayton

Caroline, I, Jesus, how do I say this without sounding like an episode of Dawson's Creek? He stumbled the words while talking into my neck. I couldn't help it, I chuckled a little as Pacey flashed into my head, and that brought him back. I pulled away a bit so I could see him, and he smiled ruefully. — Alice Clayton

I tend to lose control when pie crust is involved. — Alice Clayton

The right woman for you wouldn't want you to change anything about your life. She wouldn't rock your boat, she'd jump right in and sail it with you. — Alice Clayton