Alan Bradley Quotes & Sayings

Was peering through the microscope at the tooth of an adder I had captured behind the coach house that very morning after church, when there came a light knock at the laboratory door. — Alan Bradley

I had suddenly become aware of my hands, which meant only one thing: It was time to say my farewells and make a graceful
or at least dignified
exit.
Dogger had once told me, 'Your hands know when it's time to go.'
And he had been right. The hands are the canaries in one's own personal coal mine: They need to be watched carefully and obeyed. A fidget demands attention, and a full-blown not-knowing-what-to-do-with-them means 'Vamoose! — Alan Bradley

Sometimes I hated myself but not for long. — Alan Bradley

As I stood outside in Cow Lane, it occurred to me that Heaven must be a place where the library is open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
No ... eight days a week. — Alan Bradley

Everything is always a muddle just before it settles in. Tell — Alan Bradley

Lobsters, snails, crabs, clams, squids, slugs, and members of the European royal families, by contrast, have blue blood, due to the fact that it's based on copper rather than iron. — Alan Bradley

Cheese! I exclaimed. It was a secret prayer, whose meaning was known only to God and to me. — Alan Bradley

I suddenly realized that there's something about singing hymns with a large group of people that sharpens the senses remarkably. I stored this observation away for later use; it was a jolly good thing to know for anyone practicing the art of detection. — Alan Bradley

I could have gone either north or south but decided to strike off north because it was my favorite direction. — Alan Bradley

Dreamless nights, I knew, can be the most troubling, since you come back not knowing where you've been or what you've done. — Alan Bradley

If ever you're accosted by a man," she'd said, "kick him in the Casanovas and run like blue blazes! — Alan Bradley

As Daffy once said, the best place to hide a glum countenance is onstage at the opera. — Alan Bradley

Books make the soul float. — Alan Bradley

I was me, I was Flavia. And I loved myself, even if no one else did. — Alan Bradley

One full wall was given over to Father's stamp albums, fat leather volumes whose colors indicated the reign of each monarch: black for Queen Victoria, red for Edward the Seventh, green for George the Fifth, and blue for our present monarch, George the Sixth. — Alan Bradley

The word "actually," like its cousin "frankly," should, by itself, be a tip-off to most people that what is to follow is a blatant lie - but it isn't. — Alan Bradley

There are things that are worse than glass and crocodiles. — Alan Bradley

Nature does abhor a vacuum, but she equally abhors pressure. — Alan Bradley

There's an unwritten law of the universe which assures that the thing you seek will always be found in the last place you look. It applies to everything in life from lost socks to misplaced poisons ... — Alan Bradley

If you're insinuating that my personal hygiene is not up to the same high standard as yours you can go suck my galoshes. — Alan Bradley

You're one of them de Luce girls over from Buckshaw. I'd rec'nize them cold blue eyes anywhere. — Alan Bradley

Perhaps, I thought, whenever we began to breathe the breath of others, when the spinning atoms of their bodies began to mingle withour own, we took on something of their personality, like crystals in a snowflake. Perhaps we became something more, yet something lesser than ourselves. — Alan Bradley

I was an early reader, and my grandmother, who as a child had been forbidden to read by a father who believed books to be frivolous time-wasters, delighted in putting her favorite volumes into her grandchildren's hands. — Alan Bradley

No point in wasting time with false vanity when you possess the real thing. — Alan Bradley

One of the many happy things about physics is that it works anywhere in the world. No matter whether you're in Bishop's Lacey or Bombay, friction is friction. — Alan Bradley

Being Flavia de Luce was like being a sublimate: like the black crystal residue that is left on the cold glass of a test tube by the violet fumes of iodine. — Alan Bradley

It was quite wrong of me Had I heard what I thought I'd heard or were my ears playing hob with me It was more likely that the sun and the moon should suddenly dance a jolly jig in the heavens than that one of my sisters should apologize. It was simply unheard of. — Alan Bradley

Then I remembered that silence can sometimes do more damage than words. — Alan Bradley

Although I was flattered to be classed as a grown-up, I was not all that fond of oolong tea, which I found to leave a fishy taste in your mouth and a faint craving for rice. — Alan Bradley

She's only been here a year and she's already as rich as Croesus. — Alan Bradley

I had to make water " I said. It was the classic female excuse and no male in recorded history had ever questioned it.
"I see " the Inspector said and left it at that.
Later I would have a quick piddle behind the caravan for insurance purposes. No one would be any the wiser. — Alan Bradley

Any barrier, I had learned
even a potential one
was best breached by pretending urgency. — Alan Bradley

I hoisted the lid off the Spode vegetable dish and, from the depths of its hand-painted butterflies and raspberries, spooned out a generous helping of peas. Using my knife as a ruler and my fork as a prod, I marshaled the peas so that they formed meticulous rows and columns across my plate: rank upon rank of little green spheres, spaced with a precision that would have delighted the heart of the most exacting Swiss watchmaker. Then, beginning at the bottom left, I speared the first pea with my fork and ate it. — Alan Bradley

None of the books were in alphabetical order, which made it necessary to cock my head sideways to read each one of the spines. By the end of the third shelf I began to realize why librarians were sometimes able to achieve such pinnacle levels of crankiness: It's because they're in agony. — Alan Bradley

There are rare and precious moments, when one is a stranger in a room, that one can examine its inhabitants with little or no prejudice. Without knowing so much as their names, it is possible to form an assessment based purely upon observation and instinct. — Alan Bradley

Feely had the knack of being able to screw one side of her face into a witchlike horror while keeping the other as sweet and demure as any maiden from Tennyson. It was perhaps, the one thing I envied her. — Alan Bradley

Not very good with death? Father was a military man, and military men lived with death; lived for death; lived on death. To a professional soldier, oddly enough, death was life. — Alan Bradley

Dogger had once warned me to be wary of any man who introduced himself as 'Mr.' It was an honorific, he said, a mark of respect to be bestowed by others, but never, ever, under any circumstances, upon oneself. — Alan Bradley

There wasn't a schoolboy on the planet - or a man, for that matter - who would dare disturb a female locked into a WC. I knew that for a fact. — Alan Bradley

Good morning, Flavia, she said at last, but her acknowledgment of my presence came too late for my liking. — Alan Bradley

Yaroo!" I shouted, and I didn't give a beetle's bottom who heard me. "Ya-rooo! — Alan Bradley

The de Luce coat of arms: per bend sinister sable and argent, two lucies haurient counterchanged. The crest, the moon in her detriment, and the motto "Dare Lucem." "The moon in her detriment" was a moon eclipsed, and the "lucies," of course, were silver and black luces, or pikes, a double pun on the name de Luce. "Haurient" meant simply that the pikes were standing on their fishy tails. — Alan Bradley

The woman was putting her purse in the drawer and settling down behind the desk, and I realized I had never seen her before in my life. Her face was as wrinkled as one of those forgotten apples you sometimes find in the pocket of last year's winter jacket.
Yes? she said, peering over her spectacles. They teach them to do that at the Royal Academy of Library Science. — Alan Bradley

A conversation between a person of my age and one of hers is like a map of a maze: There are things that each of us knows, and that each of us knows the other knows, that can be talked about. But there are things that each of us knows that the other doesn't know we know, which must not be spoken of, no matter what. Because of our ages, and for reasons of decency, there are what Daffy would refer to as taboos: forbidden topics which we may stroll among like islands of horse dung in the road that, although perfectly evident to both of us, must not be mentioned or kicked at any cost.
It's a strange world when you come right down to it. — Alan Bradley

Defending oneself by hiding behind the rules was a clever trick, like using a mouse to stampede the enemy's elephants and causing them to trample him to death. — Alan Bradley

Either way, the whole thing was a pain in the porpoise. — Alan Bradley

I had concocted the gunpowder myself from niter, sulfur, charcoal, and a happy heart. When working with explosives, I've found that attitude is everything. — Alan Bradley

I remembered Father remarking once that if rudeness was not attributable to ignorance it could be taken as a sure sign that one was speaking to a member of the aristocracy. — Alan Bradley

People love to talk
especially when the talking involves answering the questions of others
because it makes them feel wanted. [ ... ] I had long ago discovered that the best way to obtain answers about anything was to walk up to the closest person and ask. — Alan Bradley

As he drank, I remembered that there's a reason we English are ruled more by tea than by Buckingham Palace or His Majesty's Government: Apart from the soul, the brewing of tea is the only thing that sets us apart from the great apes
or so the Vicar had remarked to Father ... — Alan Bradley

Pulling on a pair of cotton gardening gloves that had been tucked into my belt, and launching into a loudly whistled rendition of "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo," I went to work. — Alan Bradley

(The doorbell rang) ... I knew that Feely and Daffy would never condescend to respond to a bell ("So utterly Pavlovian," Feely said) ...
Keep warm feet and a cool head, and you'll never find yourself sneezing in bed. — Alan Bradley

I have learned that under certain circumstances, a fib is not only permissible, but can even be an act of perfect grace. — Alan Bradley

You're certain about that?"

"I'm quite competent with the chlorinated hydrocarbons, thank you. — Alan Bradley

Why then had I heard nothing? Everyone knows that the killing of a human being requires the exertion of a certain amount of mechanical energy. I forget the exact formula, although I know there is one. — Alan Bradley

I do not encourage early morning chirpiness, even in those whom I know and love. It is generally a sign of a sloppy mind, and is not to be encouraged. — Alan Bradley

A long hallway, hung profusely with dark, water-stained sporting prints, served as a lobby, in which centuries of sacrificed kippers had left the smell of their smoky souls clinging to the wallpaper. Only the patch of sunshine visible through the open front door relieved the gloom — Alan Bradley

Oh, scissors!" I said. — Alan Bradley

No sooner was I safely among the gravestones than a great feeling of warmth and calm contentment came sweeping over me.
Life among the dead.
This was where I was meant to be!
What a revelation! And what a place to have it!
I could succeed at whatever I chose. I could, for instance, become an undertaker. Or a pathologist. A detective, a gravedigger, a tombstone maker, or even the world's greatest murderer.
Suddenly the world was my oyster
even if it was a dead one. — Alan Bradley

Like most, I was a solitary boy at first, keeping to my books and weeping in the hedgerows whenever I could get away on my own. Surely, I thought, I must be the saddest child in the world; that there must be something innately horrid about me to cause my father to cast me off so heartlessly. I believed that if I could discover what it was, there might be a chance of putting things right, of somehow making it up to him. — Alan Bradley

Life's like that, too," Aunt Felicity continued. "Too much push, and bang through the bottom one goes. Still, if one doesn't paddle, one doesn't get anywhere. — Alan Bradley

Girl be blowed!" I snapped. "I'm here as a brain, not as a female. — Alan Bradley

Why don't they embed the dead in blocks of plate glass and bury them in crypts beneath transparent floors? In that way, the deceased would easily be able to see God for themselves, and He to see them, — Alan Bradley

How very kind of her, ' I said. 'I must remember to send her a card.'
I'd send her a card alright. It would be the Ace of Spades, and I'd mail it anonymously from somewhere other than Bishop's Lacey. — Alan Bradley

Think of the billions of trillions of snowflakes, and the billions of trillions of hydrogen and oxygen molecules in every single one of them. It makes you wonder, doesn't it, who wrote the laws for the wind and the rain, the snow and the dew? I've tried to work it out, but it makes my head spin. — Alan Bradley

Kill him." Dr. Kissing repeated my words in a flat, matter-of-fact voice. "Just so. But 'kill,' as you will have observed, like 'spy' and 'stop,' is really just one more of those short but exceedingly troublesome words. — Alan Bradley

Tolstoy had written something about happy families being all alike and unhappy ones each unhappy in its own way. — Alan Bradley

it occurred to me that Heaven must be a place where the library is open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. — Alan Bradley

If poisons were ponies, I'd put my money on cyanide. — Alan Bradley

Mirages of happiness, I thought. If you walk towards them, they will never grow any closer. Eventually they will vanish into thin air, like the Lady of the Lake. — Alan Bradley

While you've been gadding about the countryside, we've held a meeting, and we've all of us decided that you must go.'
In short, we've voted you out of the family,' Daffy said. 'It was unanimous. — Alan Bradley

I had learned by personal experience that grumblers are deaf to any voices but their own. — Alan Bradley

A peculiar feeling passed over me
or, rather, through me, as if I were an umbrella remembering what it felt like to pop open in the rain. — Alan Bradley

We always want to love the recipients of our charity," the doctor said, negotiating a sharp bend in the road with a surprising demonstration of steering skill, "but it is not necessary. Indeed, it is sometimes not possible. — Alan Bradley

That's him!" he said. "That's the one!"
"Is it, indeed?" Inspector Hewitt asked, as he lifted the cap from my head and took the gown from my shoulders with the gentle deference of a valet.
The little man's pale blue eyes bulged visibly in their sockets.
"Why, it's only a girl!" he said.
I could have slapped his face. — Alan Bradley

This was an interesting thought; it had never occurred to me that one's name could be a compass. — Alan Bradley

Father looked puzzled. My witty repartee was completely lost on him. — Alan Bradley

But getting back to my old friend water, the thing of it is this: No matter how hot or how cold, no matter its state, its form, its qualities, or its color, each molecule of water still consists of no more than a single oxygen atom bonded to two sister atoms of hydrogen. It takes all three of them to make a blinding blizzard - or a thunderstorm, for that matter ... or a puffy white cloud in a summer sky. O Lord, how manifold are thy works! — Alan Bradley

You are unreliable, Flavia,' he said. 'Utterly unreliable.'
Of course I was! It was one of the things I loved most about myself. — Alan Bradley

I have to admit, though, that Cynthia was a great organizer, but then, so were the men with whips who got the pyramids built. — Alan Bradley

I had thought for years, probably 30 or 40 years, that it would be a lot of fun to try my hand at a classic English mystery novel ... I love that form very much because the reader is so familiar with all of the types of characters that are in there that they already identify with the book. — Alan Bradley

The exchange of a wife for a pair of gates( "The finest this side Paradise,") Brandwyn had written in his diary — Alan Bradley

I had long ago discovered that when a word or formula refused to come to mind the best thing for it was to think of something else: tigers for instance or oatmeal. Then when the fugitive word was least expecting it I would suddenly turn the full blaze of my attention back onto it catching the culprit in the beam of my mental torch before it could sneak off again into the darkness. — Alan Bradley

The Hinley pond-poet Herbert Miles had referred to us as "that gaggle o' geese who gossip gaily 'pon the gladdening green," and there — Alan Bradley

It was the chemistry that caused this lifting of the spirits. Chemistry lifted you up out of the mud and flung you up among the stars. Except, — Alan Bradley

Dieter, you're a brick!" I shouted. I couldn't help it. Dieter looked as pleased as punch. To him, being called a brick by an English native was probably more precious than a knighthood. — Alan Bradley

And it was signed simply "George. — Alan Bradley

Diamonds were nothing more than carbon, but carbon in a crystal lattice that made it the hardest known mineral in nature. That was the way we all were headed. I was sure of it. We were destined to be diamonds!
How exciting it was to think that, long after the world had ended, whatever was left of our bodies would be transformed into a dazzling blizzard of diamond dust, blowing out towards eternity in the red glow of a dying sun. — Alan Bradley

Give Nature a vacuum and she will try to fill it. Give her localized pressure and she will try to disperse it. She is forever seeking a balance she can never achieve, never happy with what she's got. — Alan Bradley

Although I was amused at the mad scientist's idea of injecting a powerful bleach to render himself invisible, what truly shocked me was the way he treated his laboratory equipment. "It's just a fill-um, dear," Mrs. Mullet said, as I gripped her arm during the smashing of the glassware. — Alan Bradley

You must never be deflected by unpleasantness. I want you to remember that. Although it may not be apparent to others, your duty will become as clear to you as if it were a white line painted down the middle of the road. You must follow it, Flavia. — Alan Bradley

Was he being what Daffy called "ironical"? She had once told me that the word meant the use of veiled sarcasm: the dagger under the silk. "The smiler with the knife!" she had hissed in a horrible voice. — Alan Bradley

I remembered that Beethoven's symphonies had sometimes been given names ... they should have call [the Fifth] the Vampire, because it simply refused to lie down and die. — Alan Bradley

The more I dealt with adults, the less I wanted to be one. — Alan Bradley

And this must be our little Flavia!'
On paper the man was already dead. — Alan Bradley

Spare us the pout, there's enough lip in the world without you adding to it. — Alan Bradley

There is always something vaguely unsettling about being alone in an empty building that is not your own. It is as if, whenever present inhabitants are away, the phantoms of former owners come shimmering out of the woodwork to protect their territory. Although you cannot see these ghosts, you can certainly feel their unwelcoming presence, and sometimes even smell them: a sort of shivering in the air that tells you that you're not alone and not wanted. — Alan Bradley

People who turn pages with licked fingers are as bad as those who wipe their noses on the able linen — Alan Bradley

Here we were, Father and I, shut up in a plain little room, and for the first time in my life having something that might pass for a conversation. We were talking to one another almost like adults; almost like one human being to another; almost like father and daughter. And even though I couldn't think of anything to say, I felt myself wanting it to go on and on until the last star blinked out. — Alan Bradley

Growing up is like that, I suppose. The strings fall away and you're left standing on your own. — Alan Bradley