Zombie Apocalypse Humor Quotes & Sayings

Do what you love and the zombies will follow. — Jesse Petersen

Don't forget the little people, even when you want to. — Jesse Petersen

S'up?" he asks. My voice rattles when I answer. "N-not much. You know, reanimated corpses chasing me on a cruise ship. Same old. — Alison Kemper

Profits are everything; but to get them you have to catch a zombie. — Jesse Petersen

Dress for success. Also arm yourself for it. — Jesse Petersen

If I can face a street full of rabid zombies, I can tell a boy I like him. Right? — Alison Kemper

Who moves my cheese? ...and my shotgun? — Jesse Petersen

Yes, because in a zombie apocalypse, there's a lot of downtime to get your hair done. — J. Lynn

I fared excellent on the zombie apocalypse assessment; however, I did not do so well on the surviving without your love questionnaire. — Amanda Mosher

We need to put your sister in a glass case like Snow White," Colonel Hamilton said, his arms crossed. He was monitoring the radio chatter from the deck of a gunboat. "With a sign on it that says 'Break in the event of a zombie apocalypse.' — John Ringo

Partnerships don't last forever. The zombie apocalypse just might. — Jesse Petersen

Building relationships is building business. Also, you sometimes need other people to kill all the motherfucking zombies. — Jesse Petersen

God exists. He has one wicked since of humor, and right now he's having a grand old time punking the planet. — Forrest Carr

Plus, I wondered if any of these celebrities were alive; or if Brangelina was now a zombified couple. — Shannon Jaeger

Do fight unwinnable battles. Sometimes they're worth it. — Jesse Petersen

It's just like an alcoholic to think he's doing the Zombie Apocalypse wrong. — Michele W. Miller

I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school's last bastion of patriarchal society. — G.G. Silverman

I killed a couple of people," Scooter said. "Wanna play cards? — Forrest Carr

If I could make one wish, I wouldn't ask for world peace. I'd wish for a real zombie apocalypse. I'll take Romero zombies any day over this counterfeit harmony bullshit. — J. Cornell Michel

When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is.

* If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off.
* If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life.
* Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian. — Shamus McCarty

If she did bitch-slap me, I'd bitch-slap her right back, but I resented the word bitch and all its familiar forms, as it was degrading to women and dogs everywhere. — G.G. Silverman

Protect your brand - and your ass. — Jesse Petersen

No," I agreed. "The zombie apocalypse is still a few years off, right?"
"That's up to you to decide. Tell you what, we'll do it for fun someday when you're really bored. — Cait Reynolds

Fake it til you make it. Just make it. — Jesse Petersen

Thank you, Deke. You are very good to me." "I know," he smirks. "Can I get back in your bed now? — Alison Kemper

When one door closes, a window opens and then zombies pile in and bite you in the ass. — Unknown

Be proactive; and ready to run if proactive backfires. — Jesse Petersen

Expand. Why stick to just killing zombies? Or killing them just one way. — Jesse Petersen

Mia,' she whispered. I turned around. 'What?' I whispered back.
She smiled at me a little. 'LEEERRROOOY JEEENNKKIINNNSS!' she shouted, then spun around and ran toward the Z's in the lighting section. — John Green

One day, and it may be long off, but one day there will be bacon again. It might be mouse bacon, but that will do for me. — Frank Tayell

I'm sure my unique brain tastes the same as a normal brain. Actually, mine might be slightly tastier. — J. Cornell Michel

Don't fear change. Just fear everything and everyone else. — Jesse Petersen

Strive for the 4 hour work week. The rest of the time run like hell. — Jesse Petersen

My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave.
Seems more logical than undergoing all kinds of hardships only to die eventually anyway (through bites/malnutrition/or terminally chapped lips) — Graham Parke

Rich dad, poor zombie. — Jesse Petersen

The question: What color is my parachute?
The answer: blood red, brains gray, sludge black. — Jesse Petersen

Think win-win. You probably won't get it, but think it. — Jesse Petersen

Profits aren't everything. If you can get out with only your ass intact, that's pretty good too. — Jesse Petersen

Strive for more. More zombies, more fighting, more profit. — Jesse Petersen