Your Grandma Quotes & Sayings

Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap. — Doug Larson

Grandma smiled brightly. "How lovely! It seems your whore has arrived."
Jake groaned and covered his face with his hands. There was no way out of it. His grandmother was going to get him shot.
A&E women scorned, here I come.
"Excuse me?" Aileen put her hands on her hips and did a weird head nod at Grandma, and nearly teetered off her high heels. Oh, this wasn't good. Not good at all.
Grandma reached out and patted Aileen's arm. "Sweetheart, I'm the one with hearing aids, not you. I called you a whore. Would you like me to spell it for you, too?" She nudged Jake. "What did you do? Find her at a high school career fair?" And then in a horrifyingly loud voice she began spelling. "W-H-O-R-E. — Rachel Van Dyken

We liked our grandparents. We liked our uncle and our aunt. They had known our dad and our brother Ben. They had some of the same memories we did. Sometimes they even brought things up, like, "Remember when your dad went out in the kayak at Aspen Lake and he flipped over and we had to save him in our paddleboat?" and we would all start laughing because we had the same picture in our minds, my dad with his sunglasses dangling from one ear and his hair all wet. And they knew that Ben's favorite kind of ice cream wasn't ice cream at all, it was rainbow sherbet, and he always ate green first, and so when I saw it in my grandma's freezer once and I started crying they didn't even ask why and I think I saw my uncle Nick, my mom's brother, crying too. — Ally Condie

I lie in a bathtub of cold water, still sweating and singing love songs to myself. I put the gun to my head and cock it.
I think of my Grandma and remember that old feeling of being so in love that nothing matters except seeing and being seen by her. I drop the gun to my chest. I'm so sad and I can't really see a way out of what I'm feeling but I'm leaning on memory for help. Faster. Slower. I think I want to hurt myself more than I'm already hurting. I'm not the smartest boy in the world by a long shot, but even in my funk I know that easy remedies like eating your way out of sad, or fucking your way out of sad, or lying your way out of sad, or slanging your way out of sad, or robbing your way out of sad, or gambling your way out of sad, or shooting your way out of sad, are just slower, more acceptable ways for desperate folks, and especially paroled black boys in our country, to kill ourselves and others close to us in America. — Kiese Laymon

If you were watching CNN, they were saying the NSA is listening to your phone calls. It's reading your emails. When you call your grandma in Arkansas, the NSA knows. All total bulls - t. They made the public more concerned about the privacy issue than the legitimate facts should have done. — Michael Morell

Listen, I'm about to sound like the shallowest person on the face of the earth right now, but you can't control your grandma's disease. You don't make it any better or any worse...One day, your grandma isn't going to remember anything. Hopefully it's still a while away, but it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it. So, there's no use feeling bad about something you can't control. You just have to have to enjoy how things are now. — Christina Daley

Happiness, you make them" was her reply. My right words at the right time, I told Ms. Thomas during the interview, now several years after Grandma's death. "With her accent and broken English she misspoke, making happiness plural," I explained to Ms. Thomas. "And I like that, because it is good to be reminded that happiness is not just one thing and is always of your making. — Bridget Kinsella

Your grandma always was an advocate of thorough preparedness. She would strongly advise staying not only armed to the teeth, but well equipped in the computational department. You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person. — Andrew Hussie

Does he try to have intercourse with you?"
"Grandma!" I gasp. "Not that it's any of your business, but no!"
"Good. Remember, no ring, no ring-a-ding-ding. Because once you spread your legs for him, do you know where he'll race once he's done? He'll race to another woman, that's where. — Daria Snadowsky

She paused as she realized he was looking at her. 'Am I doing something wrong?' 'No. I was just thinking how incredibly beautiful you are.' That didn't seem to please her as her gaze danced around in obvious discomfort. 'You're still drunk, aren't you?' He laughed. 'No. The hangover is starting to kick in. Head hammering like a mother.' 'Ah, that explains it.' 'What does?' 'Your eyesight's screwed up. I could probably take you into a retirement home and you'd be trying to score with Grandma right now.'
- Shahara & Syn — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Come here till I comb your hair, said Grandma. Look at that mop, it won't lie down. You didn't get that hair from my side of the family. That's that North of Ireland hair you got from your father. That's the kind of hair you see on Presbyterians. If your mother had married a proper decent Limerickman you wouldn't have this standing up, North of Ireland, Presbyterian hair. — Frank McCourt

Oh, Kendra, before I forget, Gavin asked me to give you this letter." He held out a gray, speckled envelope.
"Happy birthday to you!" Seth exclaimed, his voice full of implications.
Kendra tried not to blush as she tucked the envelope away.
"Dear Kendra," Seth improvised, "you're the only girl who really gets me, you know, and I think you're very mature for your age
"
"What about some cake?" Grandma interrupted, holding the first piece out to Kendra and glaring at Seth. — Brandon Mull

With some dogs you share a boil in the bag breakfast and maybe a blanket on a cold desert floor. Some you wouldn't leave in charge of your Grandma unless you wanted to find out just how fast the old girl could run. But, if you're very, very lucky there will be the one dog you would lay down your life for - and for me that dog is Buster. — Will Barrow

Being pretty on the inside means you don't hit your brother and you eat all your peas - that's what my grandma taught me. — Lord Chesterfield

We have all felt those emotions in these last few days. So what I say to you now, as your queen and as a grandmother, I say from my heart. — Queen Elizabeth II

He shrugged and glanced at her hair. "Rough night?"

Her brows drew together. "What makes you say that?"

"Your bun is askew."

Audrey's fingers flew to her hair. Sure enough, it was lopsided and puffy on one side. "Damn it."

Reese set down the spoon and turned to her, reaching for her hair. "Here, I'll fix it for you."

She frowned but stood still, dropping her hands. "That's very domestic of you."

"Nah. I mostly wanted to see what this looks like when it's not in a grandma style." And he reached forward and snipped the band with a pair of scissors.

She yelped, pulling away even as he ran his fingers through her hair, making it puff out into a halo around her head. "You a**hole!"

"Look at that! All that loose, untamed hair!" He teased, even as he tried to run his fingers through it again. "It's like you're a wild woman. What will people think? — Jessica Clare

I want to remember ... Smelling your newness upon this earth. The baby-Jesus smell as Grandma used to put it. Pure. Unsullied. Like the imagined smell in the twirling air of eiderdown feathers spin-floating around the yard on a new spring day. — Carew Papritz

The MAX made a stop in Old Town. Grandma nudged me with her purse. "This is where we get off." I followed her from the MAX down an alley between a strip club and a Chinese restaurant. What? Your grandma doesn't hang out in places like that too? — Stacey Wallace Benefiel

Before I grad her book and mine, I go sit next to her on the organ bench and she gives me a big grandma hug - her special version, made from strong arms, old-fashioned perfume, and years of practice. The kind that makes you think you've won the best prize in the world. For love and safety, find your grandma. (76) — Kirstin Cronn-Mills

Pressure cookers are relatively inexpensive, they're in every kitchen store, your grandma probably had one, but a lot of people don't. A pressure cooker is interesting because by pressurizing the vessel, you're able to cook much hotter than the boiling point of water, and still have water be present. — Nathan Myhrvold

I'm going to shoot him," I squeezed through my teeth. "No, that would be murder," Grandma Frida told me, her voice soothing. "You've had a long day. Let's put your magic away. You know what you need? A nice cup of chamomile tea and a tranquilizer . . ." I — Ilona Andrews

And if we folks have a motto, it's this: 'Don't holler - smile and bide your time.' We've survived a passel of things that way, smiling and biding our time, and we've gotten to be experts at surviving. — Margaret Mitchell

Jesus. I had a dream last night too.
You had.
I dreamt that my Grandma had just died yesterday.
Dear God.
And she had died long before I was born.
He looked at me with astounded eyes, and felt his neck, and then he patted my knee. Aisy son, he said.
Why did I dream her?
Because you never met her. The dead you never met die a little bit every day in your head. — Dermot Healy

Christy: "My grandma made this. I've had it since elementary school."
Todd: "I never knew that."
Christy: "I never knew you left your towel on the floor."
Todd: "Uh-oh. Is this one of those issues they talked about in our premarital counseling? Should I hang up towels so you feel more loved? — Robin Jones Gunn

Screw you, Aech! And your dead grandma! — Ernest Cline

Food is everything we are. It's an extension of nationalist feeling, ethnic feeling, your personal history, your province, your region, your tribe, your grandma. It's inseparable from those from the get-go. — Anthony Bourdain

Did I at least look kick ass?" "In your baggy tee, grandma bathing suit and ripped shorts?" he grimaced. "Oh yeah. Totally kick ass. — Alessandra Torre

Who knows if there are ghosts (sorry, Grandma) or just the living, breathing memories of your loved ones, inside you, speaking to you, trying to get your attention by any means necessary? — Jandy Nelson

Because who knows? Who knows anything? Who knows who's pulling the strings? Or what is? Or how? Who knows if destiny is just how you tell yourself the story of your life? Another son might not have heard his mother's last words as a prophecy but as drug-induced gibberish, forgotten soon after. Another girl might not have told herself a love story about a drawing her brother made. Who knows if Grandma really thought the first daffodils of spring were lucky or if she just wanted to go on walks with me through the woods? Who knows if she even believed in her bible at all or if she just preferred a world where hope and creativity and faith trump reason? who knows if there are ghosts (sorry, Grandma) or just the living, breathing memories of your loved ones, inside you, speaking to you, trying to get your attention by any means necessary? Who knows where the hell Ralph is? (Sorry, Oscar.) No one knows.
SO we grapple with the mysteries, each in our own way. — Jandy Nelson

Did you say all that you meant to
Before the curtain closed?
Or did you feel so much more
Than we'll ever know?
You were an amazing person;
One of the very best.
You were here for part of my story;
I wish you could hear the rest.
I miss your smile most;
The smile you had for all.
Now I can only see it
In pictures on the wall. — Margo T. Rose

May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary. — Donald Glover

It's easy to smile just to make other people feel better. But when a person fakes happy, it has edges. Regular people may not see, but the people who count, they can see the edges and the lines where your smile ends and the real you, the sadness (me) or the anger (Grandma) begins. — Heidi W. Durrow

(Grandma Alice always said being in the field should be treated like going to war: eat when you can, sleep when you can, never put your gun down, and never get drunker than the people around you. Grandma Alice was more than a little bit paranoid. Sadly for me, she was also more than a little bit right.) — Seanan McGuire

I've always believed that if you are willing to play your age that you will work, so it's the thing of continuing to play your age and accepting it when you're younger and you suddenly realize, 'Oh, now I'm playing the mom,' 'Oh, I'm playing the grandma.' — Kathy Baker

I'll drive like my grandma. I'll drive like your grandma."
"You wouldn't say that if you knew my gramma. — Kami Garcia

All hells in this world are the prisons you make in your own heart; all battles must be fought there'," said Charlie. "My grandma used to say that to me. — Darren McKeeman

The oracle had a prophecy upon your birth, that one would bring the true death to all of us and the other would be our savior."

"Oh geez," I muttered. "Grandma Piperi strikes again. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

You sure you don't want to go?" Grandma Mazur asked my mother.
"I didn't know Moogey Bues," my mother told her. "I've got better things to do than to go to a viewing of a perfect stranger."
"I wouldn't go either," Grandma Mazur said, "but I'm helping Stephanie with this here manhunt. Maybe Kenny Mancuso will show up, and Stephanie will need some extra muscle. I was watching Television, and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down."
"She's your responsibility," my mother said to me. "She sticks her fingers in anybody's eyes I'm holding you accountable. — Janet Evanovich

Of course it's your fault," Grandma said. "You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies. — Janet Evanovich

You should fear me too, Mr. Waist Gunner, with your burn. What a silly thing - waist gunner. You gun from the waist?" She struck a pose, holding her hands in the shape of guns at her waist, face screwed into a scowl that all enemies should fear. She looked like a grandma gunslinger at the O.K. Corral. — Tracy Groot

Our kids need us to be the dad, not a fun single uncle. When you can replace your 007 poster with a framed portrait of Grandma, your kids will experience an underlying sense of being at home when they are with you - whether for a weekend, a summer, or full-time. — Tez Brooks

Sally put his gun back in his pants. "Guess I flunked the estrogen test."
We all stared at his crotch, and Grandma said what Lula and I were thinking.
"I thought that bulge was your dingdong,"Grandma said.
"Jesus," Sally said, "who do you think I am, Thunder the Wonder Horse? My gun wouldn't fit in my purse."
"You need to get a smaller gun," Lula said. "Ruins your lines with that big old Glock in your drawers. — Janet Evanovich

Theodore- Hello, Grandmother. You're looking more beautiful than ever.
His grandma- You did have to inherit your looks from someone. — Jen Turano

Frankie, I'm fully awake and more curious than George. If we hang up I'll lie here formulating a million reasons for your call, none of them your truth, and that would drive me crazy. You wouldn't do that to the guy who has your grandmother's old phone number, would you? Trust me, you can tell me anything. - Emerson — Liza M. Wiemer

Dating is so insecure. My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me. I told her about it. I said, "Remember when your grandma died? I was there. Remember when you flunked out of school? I was there. Remember when you lost your job? I was there!" She said, "I know — Tom Arnold

He laughed. 'I thought you said you weren't scared of her.'
'I said I wasn't nervous, and I'm not nervous because I know not to do anything stupid, like make out, for example, in front of my grandma.'
'My fingers touching your fingers is making out? — Jessica Martinez

Stark grinned his cocky half smile and took my hand, threading his fingers through mine for all of the video audience to see. "Z, don't almost cuss on film. Your grandma might hear and that wouldn't be cool."
"Sorry," I muttered. "How about I just let you talk."
Stark's grin got bigger, "Well, that'll be a first. — P.C. Cast

Sliced off like a chicken neck and stuck with a hatpin. Reminded me of my husband." Lula leaned forward so she could whisper. "You talking about size? Was your man's part that big?" "Heck no," Grandma said. "His part was that dead. — Janet Evanovich

Once your words fly out of your mouth, you sometimes can't control whether they fly straight or crooked, Grandma Augustine says. "They can get bent in the strangest ways." Grandma Augustine says that the only way to straighten out bad words is to keep making good ones until you say what you need to say to who you need to say it to. — Lori Aurelia Williams

Eleanor Krautz pushed her way through the crowd and stage-whispered to Grandma, "Who's the hottie with your granddaughter?"
"That's Ranger," Grandma stage-whispered back at Eleanor. "I don't think Stephanie knows what to do with him."
"I'd know what to do with him," Eleanor said.
"Jeez Louise," I said. "We can hear this conversation."
Ranger looked down at me. "I could make suggestions if you're really in the dark. — Janet Evanovich

Music is crucial. Beyond no way can I overstress this fact. Let's say you're southbound on the interstate, cruising alone in the middle lane, listening to AM radio. Up alongside comes a tractor trailer of logs or concrete pipe, a tie-down strap breaks, and the load dumps on top of your little sheetmetal ride. Crushed under a world of concrete, you're sandwiched like so much meat salad between layers of steel and glass. In that last, fast flutter of your eyelids, you looking down that long tunnel toward the bright God Light and your dead grandma walking up to hug you
do you want to be hearing another radio commercial for a mega, clearance, closeout, blow-out liquidation car-stereo sale? — Chuck Palahniuk

He [Ranger] stopped in front of my parents' house, and we both looked to the door. My mother and my grandmother were standing there, watching us.
"I'm not sure I feel comfortable about the way your grandma looks at me," Ranger said.
[Stephanie] "She wants to see you naked."
"I wish you hadn't told me that, babe."
"Everyone I know wants to see you naked."
"And you?"
"Never crossed my mind." I held my breath when I said it, and I hoped God wouldn't stike me down dead for lying. — Janet Evanovich

What sort of life have you led
that you find yourself, an adult male of late middle age,

about to weep among the avocados and citrus fruits
in a vast, overlit room next to a bosomy Cuban Grandma
with her sparkly, extravagent eyewear?
It's good that your parents are no longer alive. — August Kleinzahler

You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco. — Jeff Foxworthy

A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time," you're the grandma. — Teresa Bloomingdale

saying - "

Lady Brice's next words were lost because, without any warning, Grandma flung the door open.

"You really need to ask permission first," a guard warned her in a hushed tone.

She kept walking toward me. "Well, my girl, it's time for me to head out."

"So soon?" I asked, embracing her.

"I can never stay too long. Your mother is recovering from a heart attack, and she still has the audacity to order me around. I know she's the queen," she conceded, raising her hands in the air in surrender, "but I'm her mother, and that trumps queen any day."

I laughed. "I'll remember that for down the road."

"You do that," she said, rubbing my cheek. "And if you don't mind, get yourself a husband as soon as you can. I'm not getting any younger, and I'd like to see at least one great-grandchild before I'm dead." She stared at my stomach and shook her finger. "Don't let me down."

"Ooooookay, Grandma. — Kiera Cass

Well, that's not something you see every day. Go tell your father that Grandma needs the grenades. — Seanan McGuire

I know what you're thinking," Grandma said into the silence. "Do I have anymore bullets in this here gun? Well, with all the confusion, what with being locked up in a refrigerator, I plumb forgot what was in here to start with. But being that this is a 45 magnum, the most powerful handgun in existence, and it could blow your head clean off, you just got to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky today? Well, do you, punk?"
Christ," Spiro whispered. "She thinks she's f**king Clint Eastwood. — Janet Evanovich

Your grandma was a slave once upon a time make her feel free — Martellis Thurmand

A teenage boy with a Mohawk sat across from me, sneering. I'd seen that look before. Why was it a problem to knit in public?
"My grandma knits."
I ignored him.
"So what are you making, Grandma?" Mohawk's voice was ugly.
I arched my eyebrow. "A cashmere cock ring. Your grandma ever knit one of those?"
The kid's eyes grew wide, and he suddenly became very interested in a four-year-old issue of Teen Vogue. — Leslie Langtry

I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down.
Grandma Mazur — Janet Evanovich

She touched her finger to his lips and smiled slightly. "You just made me very happy, Nick Barrett."
"Yeah, but what do we tell the grand kids if it goes that far?"
"Tell them the truth," she whispered, "Grandma kicked your ass."

From "THE PRIDE — Richard Tabaka

You made the paper again," Grandma said. "And the phone's been ringing off the hook. Your mother's in the kitchen, ironing."
My mother always irons during times of disaster. Some people drink, some take drugs. My mother irons. — Janet Evanovich

Just think of them as your little pets. — Renata Suerth

Author's Warning
If you're buying this book as a gift for your grandma or a kid, you should be aware that it contains cusswords as well as tasteful depictions of cannibalism and people in their forties having sex. Don't blame me. I told you. — Christopher Moore

I love my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, but I'd take a bullet for my parents or my sister without a second thought."
"Dude," Greg whispered,"you wouldn't take one for your granny?"
"No one's going to shoot my grandma," Jace said dismissively. — Jay Bell

Catherine. " She swept by me without a hug. Okay, that was familiar, too. "You really should wear something warmer, it's freezing out. "
Hello to you, too, Mom. Or whoever the hell you are, because you sure don't look like the woman who raised me.
123 "You should talk, " I managed. "I can see all the way up to your thigh. My God, if Grandma saw you now, she'd come right out of her grave!"
My mother opened her mouth, paused, and then smiled. "I won't tell if you won't. "
I was going directly to the kitchen to fall to my knees in awe before Rodney. Lo and behold, he'd managed to give her a sense of humor, and here I'd figured that would take voodoo, several headless chickens, and a lot of gris-gris. — Jeaniene Frost

Grandma Ruthie and her sister Jettie hadn't spoken a civil word in about fifteen years. Their last exchange was Ruthie's leaning over Jettie's coffin and whispering, "If you'd married and had children, there would be more people at your funeral." Of course, at the reading of Aunt Jettie's will, Grandma Ruthie was handed an enveloped containing a carefully folded high-resolution picture of a baboon's butt. That pretty much summed up their relationship. — Molly Harper

Every human being is a wet, gassy katamari of triumphs, traumas, scars, coping mechanisms, parental baggage, weird stuff you saw on the Internet too young, pressure from your grandma to take over the bodega when what you really want to do is dance, and all the other fertilizer that makes a smear of DNA grow into a fully formed toxic avenger. — Lindy West

So, if you have a grandma, thank the good Lord above, and give your grandmamma hugs and kisses, for grandmothers are to love. — Lois Wyse

People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben." — Jim Gaffigan

I walked him to the door. "Is there anything else you want me to do? Check your mail? Water your plants?"
"My mail is being forwarded to my lawyer. And I'm watering my own plants."
"So, you feel safe in the Batcave?" The corners of his mouth curved into the hint of a smile. He leaned forward and kissed me at the base of my neck, just above my T-shirt collar.
"Sweet dreams." Before he left, he said good-night to Grandma, who was still in the kitchen.
"What a nice, polite young man," Grandma said. "And he's got an excellent package."
I went straight to her closet, found the bottle of booze, and dumped some into my cocoa. — Janet Evanovich

I don't want you to write about what you know, because you don't know anything. I don't want to hear about your boyfriend or your grandma ... I'm getting a little tired of 'my life story as fiction'. Please don't tell me about your little life - is there nothing larger? More important? — Toni Morrison

Make up your mind to this. If you are different, you are isolated, not only from people of your own age but from those of your parents' generation and from your children's generation too. They'll never understand you and they'll be shocked no matter what you do. But your grandparents would probably be proud of you and say: 'Theres a chip off the old block,' and your grandchildren will sigh enviously and say: 'What an old rip Grandma must have been!' and they'll try to be like you. — Margaret Mitchell

Are you from Hapsburg?"
He seemed to think about it for a second or two, then gave a small nod.
"I thought I recognized the accent."
The scowl was back full force. "You are an expert on accents?" He managed to sound sarcastic.
"No. My Uncle Otto was from Hapsburg."
He blinked again, and the scowl wilted around the edges. "You are not German." He sounded very sure.
"My father's family is; from Baden-Baden on the edge of the Black Forest but Uncle Otto was from Hamburg.
"You said only your uncle had the accent."
"By the time I came along, most of the family, except for my grandmother, had been in this country so long there was no accent, but Uncle Otto never lost his."
"He's dead now." Olaf made it half question, half statement.
I nodded.
"How did he die?"
"Grandma Blake says Aunt Gertrude nagged him to death."
His lips twitched. "Women are tyrants if a man allows it." His voice was a touch softer now. — Laurell K. Hamilton

Yeah, well this Gypsy girl happens to have a grandma that can curse you so bad that your dick will turn black and fall off, so watch your step, Spartan. — Jennifer Estep

I know I was wrong. If i could go back and do it over, I would. I wish I could undo it all."
I know that." Grandma reached over and put a twisted hand on hers. "'Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.' Isaiah one eighteen."
I've done terrible things."
Don't make no difference. You can't out-sin the cross. — Linda Nichols

Grandma laughed. "You'd be surprised. It's awfully hard to dislike someone when you really pray for them. In fact the person you pray for could turn out to be one of your best friends. — Arleta Richardson

You be as angry as you need to be," she said. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Not your grandma, not your dad, no one. And if you need to break things, then by God, you break them good and hard. — Patrick Ness

Are you being a good boy for your mum?"
Conor's grandma pinched Conor's cheeks so hard he swore she was going to draw blood.
"He's been very good, Ma," Conor's mother said, winking at him from behind his grandma, her favorite blue scarf tied around her head. "So there's no need to inflict quite so much pain. — Patrick Ness

We are all psychic to a degree. How many times do you walk into a room and just know there's tension in there? How many times have you thought about an old friend, and then she calls? Or had a dream about your grandma and you wake up and find the lost earring you inherited from her? It's like making a psychic telephone call: you send energy into the universe, and it comes back to you. — Jodi Picoult

Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us. Oh sure, she's old and frail. But she can kick your dad's ass. — Christopher Titus

All my girlhood I always planned to do something big ... something constructive. It's queer what ambitious dreams a girl has when she is young. I thought I would sing before big audiences or paint lovely pictures or write a splendid book. I always had that feeling in me of wanting to do something worth while. And just think, Laura ... now I am eighty and I have not painted nor written nor sung."
"But you've done lots of things, Grandma. You've baked bread ... and pieced quilts ... and taken care of your children."
Old Abbie Deal patted the young girl's hand. "Well ... well ... out of the mouths of babes. That's just it, Laura, I've only baked bread and pieced quilts and taken care of children. But some women have to, don't they? ... But I've dreamed dreams, Laura. All the time I was cooking and patching and washing, I dreamed dreams. And I think I dreamed them into the children ... and the children are carrying them out ... doing all the things I wanted to and couldn't. — Bess Streeter Aldrich

Your friends, and your associates, and the people around you, and the environment that you live in, and the speakers around you - the speakers around you - and the communicators around you, are the poetry makers.
If your mother tells you stories, she is a poetry maker.
If your father says stories, he is a poetry maker.
If your grandma tells you stories, she is a poetry maker.
And that's who forms our poetics. — Juan Felipe Herrera

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. — Albert Einstein

Charming. Charming language. Same as your father. Bad language and hating budgies go together. — Louis Nowra

My Lovely Grandson

Your lovely smile that warms my heart
Your infectious laughter that brings me joy
I fell in love in with your charming character
Grandma's little boy
May God protect you in every aspect of your life
May He give you wisdom in everything you do
May He bless you and keep you
All the days of your life. — Euginia Herlihy

So if you serve a whole chicken to your family like grandma did, you may be serving them 10 times as much fat than the days of yesteryear. That's a whole lotta fat, and big trouble for the waistline. — Kathy Freston

That man is such a damn turd monkey."
"Grandma!" I said.
"Oh, Zoeybird, did I call your mother's husband a damn turd monkey out loud?"
"Yes, Grandma, you did."
She looked at me, her dark eyes sparkling. "Good. — Kristin Cast

What's on your bucket list?" I asked. "I got six things so far," Grandma said. "First off, I want new breasts. These ones I got are a mess. — Janet Evanovich

You know the one about the old man whose grandson is getting married? Just before the wedding, he calls the boy in for a chat. "My child," he says, "I want you to know that all marriages go through phases. At first, you and you wife will make love all the time. But then, as the children come along, you will find that you are having sex less and less. And by the time they are grown and gone, you'll be just like your grandmother and me. All you'll ever have is oral sex. I just wanted you to know how things will go." The boy looks at him, incredulous. "You and Grandma have oral sex?" "Every single night," the old man says, "and it's a perfectly natural thing. She goes into her bedroom and calls, 'Fuck you!' And I go into my bedroom and call back to her, 'No, fuck you! — A. Manette Ansay

My granddad used to say, If everybody liked the same thing, they'd all be after your grandma. — Gary Mule Deer

How is it going with your boyfriend?;););) - text from Grandma Frida — Ilona Andrews

To all those who care,
You can't forever.
Time steals the years,
And your reflection in the mirror.
But I can still see the story in your eyes,
And your timeless passion that's never died.
While your skin became tired,
Your heart became strong,
The present became the past,
And your memories like a song.
And though the moment at hand is all that we have,
You've taught me to live it like it is our last.
Since two words don't say 'thank you' the way they are meant to,
I'll try all my life to be something like you. — Crystal Woods

Grandmothers are everything in life:
1. If you need a friend, grandma is willing to be your best friend ever.
2. If you need a shoulder to cry on, grandma is there to listen.
3. If you need an encouragement, grandma is there to give you one.
4. If you need an advice, grandma is there to give you the best advice.
5. If you need a prayer partner, grandma is there to pray with you.
6. If you need someone to understand your situation, grandma is there to show support.
The list goes on!!!! — Euginia Herlihy

Will the devil be home?"
"My grandma is not the devil," Ben said, smiling despite the insult. "Besides, isn't the devil a male?"
"I thought so until I met your grandma. Could you tell her to stop calling me Fatty?"
"You could stand to lose a little weight. — Victor Kloss

Over the years our mother has beaten us with belts, shoes, rulers, extension cords, hair brushes, a wooden spoon, a fly swatter, a toilet brush, wire coat hangers, wooden coat hangers and sometimes one of our own toys. When you get whacked by your own paddleball paddle or you have to watch your sister getting spanked with a badminton racquet that she asked Santa Claus (AKA Grandma) to bring, you don't feel much like playing with those things ever again. — Bob Thurber

Neena leaned over. "Now, which of your top five do you think would be the most eager baby maker? Should we put that on a checklist?"
Even my most violent glare did nothing to diminish her giddiness. "Don't forget, I can call in a firing squad at any moment if I like."
"You can call that firing squad whenever you want, but I've got Grandma on my side, so I've got nothing to worry about. — Kiera Cass

What Grandma has told me about life: No one promised you a bucket of pansies, so don't be one. Everyone thinks a great life is one filled with fun and fluff. No, that's a pointless life. A great life is filled with challenges and adversity. It's how you knock the hell out of it that shows what kind of person you are. Keep a hand out to help someone up, but don't give them two hands or you'll enable them to be a weak and spineless jellyfish. Always look your best. Not for a man, that's ridiculous, what do they know? Nothing. They know nothing. It's for you. — Cathy Lamb

Grandma frowned and yelled something in Russian. She could have been saying, 'Open up, your best friend is here.' On the other hand, it could have been, 'America is a great country because of canned ravioli. — Laurie Halse Anderson