Ya Comedy Quotes & Sayings

With his blond hair, broad shoulders, and perpetual tan,
Bryce looked like a California underwear model. Not that I'd thought about him in his underwear.
Much. — Chris Cannon

Just as he reached for my neck, I tased him. I was there to bag and tag, not to kill. Besides, if I had to carry separate weapons for every paranormal I took out, I'd be dragging around a full luggage set. Tasers are a one-size-fits-all paranormal butt-kicking option. Mine's pink with rhinestones. Tasey and I have had a lot of good times together. — Kiersten White

Since he didn't seem to understand the situation, I felt it my duty to enlighten him. "Wrong. You started this stupid rumor and half the school probably believes it's true. Now you have to stick around and pretend to be my boyfriend to convince everyone I don't have sex with random guys. Not to mention the fact that if you'd kept your mouth shut about getting laid, you wouldn't be in this situation."
He raised a brow. "So you're my punishment? — Chris Cannon

I gulped. But, I mean, everyone bends the truth sometimes to be friendly. What's really weird is that I'm the only one who seems to get in trouble for it. Anyway, what could possibly go wrong this time? — Sue Wyshynski

Farms, whether small or large, are places where slaves are kept. The animals are fattened up to be eaten, or exploited for their ability to make honey or milk, or for their fur, wool or body parts; they are kept as breeders to produce more animals who can in turn be exploited and ultimately sold, slaughtered, and eaten. — Sharon Gannon

I wondered if this was how it felt to sell your soul to the devil. I bet there were awesome cookies in hell, too. — Lisa Brown Roberts

The world has just got more dangerous because the things we use have got more dangerous. — Pierre Schaeffer

Nice driving, ya doomed fucks! — Daniel Younger

It is time to stop talking so much about what kind of leaders we want, to give less lip service to what Washington or Wall Street or Hollywood should do, and to act a lot more like citizens who actually deserve freedom. — Oliver DeMille

For me, the magazine was always the heart of what my life was all about, and the other half was living the life. — Hugh Hefner

It's weird that impossible is even a word. — Brian McGreevy

My whole life feels undeclared. — Katie Cotugno

I don't know why Kate was trying to impress him, as far as I could see the guy had all the allure and social grace of a psychotic slug with halitosis and a bad head cold. — Sharon Sant

It's hillbilly urine; we had better get home before they come to eat us. Kevin said pointing towards home proving if there was ever any doubt that he had no acting ability at all. (The Children of Ankh series) — Kim Cormack

Yes, Trina. Really, I'll show up to help you. Really, I'll bring a friend. Really, I'm not a total dick. I just play one on TV. — Lisa Brown Roberts

Many large corporations are actually modeled on hell,' Brother Frank added. 'The policies and organization are almost idential. Hell, of course, is much worse. — Maureen Johnson

Teachers are to inspire; librarians are to fulfill. — Ray Bradbury

He wanted to break up with me in the cafeteria? Fat chance. I leaned toward him and touched his arm in a girlfriend sort of way. "If you planned to stage a public breakup with me, you can forget it."
Amusement showed in his hazel eyes. "Think you can stop me? — Chris Cannon

Normally I didn't attend my father's funerals unless I was scheduled to sing, but it wasn't every day Dad buried a rock star. — Linda Budzinski

I'm not a superhero. I'm background. I'm a good person wrapped in mediocre soul. I want to be better. I really do. But even now in my greatest moment I know this is as good as it will ever get for me and it's not that good. I have a small heart, a dark heart, a heart filled with exactly equal amounts of good and evil, one that is weak and will take us only so far, but for now it propels us higher and higher and higher. — Charles Yu

One of the things that sets the Bible apart from all other ancient religious writings is its scientific accuracy. Without exception, every other ancient religious writing contains certain scientific errors. For example, Muhammad taught in the Qur'an that the sun descends down into a muddy spring. The Hindu Vedas state that the Earth is flat and triangular, that earthquakes are caused by elephants shaking themselves under it. You'll never read absurd statements like those in the Bible. — Charlie Campbell

It is hard to go on living without some hope of encountering the extraordinary. — Harold Bloom

In my mind, I said the best things to Elton. I wrote countless excellent notes that I never sent. I came up with clever and highly detailed imaginary situations in which we were thrown together and it somehow made him realize that life without me was a hollow shell. But he didn't look like a hollow shell. He looked like he was back on the soccer team, all calf muscles and lean body. — Maureen Johnson

You're ... a demon hunter?'
'It's not as exciting as it sounds,' he said. 'There is a surprising amount of paperwork involved. — Maureen Johnson

What are you doing?" Nine Eleven asked, noticing Seth trying to look around him. He followed Seth's gaze. "Oh."
He turned back around and handed Seth a wry smile. "So what are you going to do about her, Seth? Create a love spell that will bend her to your will and make her your sex slave?"
"Is that how you get dates?" Seth asked. — Charlie Fey

I called to mind the noble glance, kind and compassionate, of that Albertine, her plump cheeks, the coarse grain of her throat. It was the image of a dead woman, but, as this dead woman was alive, it was easy for me to do immediately what I should inevitably have done if she had been by my side in her living body (what I should do were I ever to meet her again in another life), I forgave her. — Marcel Proust

--'What did Mum want?'
--'She said not to give away the milk for free.'
--'You're not livestock. Go out with me?'
--Not two sentences I've ever heard used together before. — Emily Evans

When Dad was a kid, he wanted to be a lumberjack, but unfortunately he'd been cursed with the build of an accountant and the brain of an astrophysicist. These qualities had combined to make him the third-most-visited orthodontist in northern New Jersey. — Kieran Scott

This stupid infatuation had to stop. I was Trina Clemons, future valedictorian of Sky Ridge High. I had plans. Plans that didn't involve any detours with slacker party boys who wore shoelaces in their hair. — Lisa Brown Roberts

We could use all the blessings we could get. The impact of what we were about to do hit me like an anvil on Wile E. Coyote's head. We were heading out to stop Satan's son and save the world from certain destruction.
Piece of cake. — Terri Clark

I bake all the time, but I don't like to eat the cookies when they're done. I just like the dough. — Sharon Stone

Bryce Colton is telling everyone you hooked up after the bonfire Friday night."
"What?" Everyone in the parking lot turned and stared. Okay, maybe I said that a little loud. I hooked my arm through Jane's and steered her toward the sidewalk.
"I went to the bonfire with you. Do you remember seeing me naked with Bryce Colton?"
She pouted and kicked a rock off the sidewalk. "I thought maybe you went back after you dropped me off."
"Why do you sound disappointed?"
"It would be nice if one of us had a sex life."
I laughed so hard I snorted. That's one of the reasons I'm best friends with Jane. I never know what she's going to say. — Chris Cannon

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I never leave the house without [my Santa hat]. In fact, I pretty much never leave my room without it. I honestly don't know how this habit started and believe me, I'd break myself of it if I could, but I'm a little bit OCD about the Santa hat. Whenever I try to put it away, I get this horrible, overwhelming feeling that somehow Christmas will be destroyed if I do. — Kieran Scott

In an unexpected move, Bryce reached for my hand and pulled me to his side. "Play along. We'll straighten this out later."
Good Lord, the school hottie was touching me. It felt like I'd won some sort of geek-girl lottery. And depending on how this played out, Bryce could be the answer to my boyfriend problems. If he wanted me to cover for him, then he needed to help me with my overprotective brothers. — Chris Cannon

Bryce looked like a California underwear model. Not that I'd thought about him in his underwear.
Much.
He was talking with his friend Nathan. Where Bryce had the whole tan, blond, hazel-eyed thing going on, Nathan was fair with dark hair and dark eyes. They looked like opposite sides of the same coin. A really hot, totally unreachable coin that a collector would keep in a special locked case, which normal girls like myself were not allowed to touch. — Chris Cannon

There ya go, end of the universe, butterfingers. — David Tennant