Worst Dad Ever Quotes & Sayings

I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me! I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry! — Ellen DeGeneres

If your dad died before you were born, yeah, it hurts - but it's not like you had a connection with something that was real. Not to say it's any better - but to have that connection and then have it ripped away was, like, the worst. My dad was such a good dad that when he left, he left a huge scar. He was my superhero. — Jay-Z

So you and Bridget spent the better part of last night and early morning texting each other questionable messages?" Mom asked.
"I think it's called 'sexting,'" said Dad. It was the worst sentence uttered in the history of my life. — Sarah Skilton

I dropped back onto Dad's stool with my mouth open. Gerald Whipplethorn? I wanted to babysit, but Gerald wasn't worth it. The kid annoyed me like an itchy scab you couldn't pick off. He was the worst. The absolute worst. I — A.W. Hartoin

My dad once said that in criminal law you see terrible people on their best behavior; in family law you see great people on their worst behavior. — Laura Wasser

What is this,a summit meeting?" Alan demanded as he strode down the hall. "It's one thing to be the advance man," he continued as he cupped a hand around the back of his wife's neck, "and another to be the sacrificial lamb.Dad's doing a lot of moaning and groaning about this family scattering off in all directions."
"With Caine getting the worst of it," Serena put in.
"Yeah." Alan grinned once, appealingly. "Too bad he's late. — Nora Roberts

If your dad doesn't make it," I begin and his expression falls, "let yourself cry, OK? One of the worst feelings in the world is being unable to cry and eventually it ... starts to make things darker. — J.A. Redmerski

The very worst strategy is to try to hide a gun. Children are remarkably adept at finding things that Mom and Dad don't want them to find, and burglars make their living by doing so. No matter how well hidden you think it is, a gun that's not secured is an accident or crime waiting to happen. If they're not on you, lock 'em up. — Grant Cunningham

My dad was a businessman, and he would say, 'Work for free at the best company. Don't get paid a lot of money to work with the worst people.' And that's exactly how I see my career. — Topher Grace

It's strange how just the sound of my dad's feet, the murmur of his voice, can change everything. Thing is, for all I know he could be in a good mood. It's just that I've learned to assume the worst. — Kevin Waltman

The funny thing about our act is that dad gets the worst of it, although I'm the one who apparently receives the bruises ... the secret is in landing limp and breaking the fall with a foot or a hand. It's a knack. I started so young that landing right is second nature with me. Several times I'd have been killed if I hadn't been able to land like a cat. Imitators of our act don't last long, because they can't stand the treatment. — Buster Keaton

I'll say my dad couldn't act to save his life and nor can my uncle, and they'll say I'm the worst actor in the world. — Laurence Fox

His latest job [My Dad] had been as a truck driver, picking up and delivering diapers. For months, he had complained bitterly about the odor and the mess, saying it was the worst job in the world. But now that he had lost it, he seemed to want it back. — Howard Schultz And Dori Jones Yang

Losing dad (Bobby Bonds) was the worst thing in the world. — Barry Bonds

The worst thing, is that you'll never know the feeling of falling. Falling so in love with someone, and I don't mean love, I mean Love Love. The Mom and Dad love. The love that's so instant and intense and easy and it feels like all the worlds forces collide and fate gives you a push and you're there, in front of the person who's part of you. Like, the world spins and your heart explodes and you want nothing else at all in the entire universe, as long as you can be with that one person all the time, and when you're not, you just think about that person until your mind is consumed and it's almost like you're suffocating and drowning but in a good way, because it's your love that's all around you. — Jay Maclean

The child you hold in your arms is your gift to a future that you will not see. Therefore, we must turn a blind eye to ourselves and selflessly pour the best of ourselves into our children while rigorously sifting out the worst of ourselves. And once we are utterly spent by such daring gestures, we will shockingly discover the resulting emptiness as astonishingly filled. — Craig D. Lounsbrough

The worst thing you can be is a liar ... Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two. — Justin Halpern

The instant I saw Lori's dad and Frances across the hot asphalt road, I spun around, hoping Lori was still hidden by the trees.
She stood right behind me, in full view. And if my expression matched hers, we couldn't have looked more guilty.
I turned back around. Her dad's face was even worse. Glaring at me, he worked his jaw like he was going to say something, but he wanted to make sure he'd thought of
the worst possible insult first. He turned redder and seemed to swell, like all his holes were plugged up and the pressure had nowhere to escape.
He opened his mouth.
"It was my fault," I said quickly.
"I know!" he roared.
At the same time, Lori stepped in front of me and muttered, "Wrong thing to say, Adam."
"Right." I put my hand on Lori's shoulder and pushed her an arm's length away so it wouldn't look like I was hiding behind her. "It's nobody's fault, because we didn't
do anything wrong. — Jennifer Echols

So was I,' said Frodo, 'and so I am. We're going on a bit too fast. You and I, Sam, are still stuck in the worst places of the story, and it is all too likely that some will say at this point: "Shut the book now, dad; we don't want to read any more."' 'Maybe,' said Sam, 'but I wouldn't be one to say that. Things done and over and made into part of the great tales are different. Why, even Gollum might be good in a tale, better than he is to have by you, anyway. And he used to like tales himself once, by his own account. I wonder if he thinks he's the hero or the villain? — J.R.R. Tolkien

I'm concerned a little bit with the culture of celebrating the fundraise. My dad taught me that when you borrow money it's the worst day of your life. — Gary Vaynerchuk

Dad says that everyone invented baklava." It occurs to me now to wonder what that means. Aunt Aya rolls her eyes.
"Your father? He is the worst of the worst. He thinks he cooks and eats Arabic food but these walnuts were not grown from Jordanian earth and this butter was not made from Jordanian lambs. He is eating the shadow of a memory. He cooks to remember but the more he eats, the more he forgets. — Diana Abu-Jaber

Hey, think fast!'
I just looked at Fave as he chucked the basketball at me with possibly the worst overhand throw I'd ever seen. It landed to my far right, then bounced past me, banging against my dad's truck.
'Do you have a vision problem of something?' I asked him.
'Just keeping you on your toes,' he replied — Sarah Dessen

My mother maintained a sense of loving connection with me even during our worst conflicts" or "When my dad disagrees with me, I know that he still loves me."13 So, how would you like your children to answer that sort of question in five or ten or fifteen years - and how do you think they will answer it? — Alfie Kohn

We're going on a bit too fast. You and I, Sam, are still stuck in the worst places of the story, and it is all too likely that some will say at this point: Shut the book now, dad; we don't want to read any more. — J.R.R. Tolkien

She didn't want to keep talking about him as if everything was okay. Worst of all, she hated sorting through his mail. Reading the hatred people had for her family and worse, reading how others immortalized him into a god for what he'd done. — Anais Torres

Recently, I took my son to see The Haunted Mansion, which was one of the worst things (I hesitate even to call it a movie) that I have ever seen. He thought it was better than Finding Nemo and we had a fruitless argument which I'm sure made him acutely aware of the disadvantages of having a film critic for a dad. — A.O. Scott

I've been very lucky in my employment over the years. You would think that the worst job I've ever had was as janitor, but it really wasn't, because I was a janitor at my dad's office building when I was younger. — Chris Carmack

You're fighting this war in the worst way possible."
"I don't know how to fight it, Dad."
"You should ask for help," he said.
"I don't know how to do that, either. — Benjamin Alire Saenz

Everybody's a racist. It's the one human trait that makes us all exactly the same. Deep down, we only like people who are exactly like us. And it doesn't matter. White. Black. Red. Yellow. Purple, uh oh, the purple people, are the worst. Man. All prejudiced and birth marky. But, we've got to learn to get past our differences. I learned that at the museum of tolerance. After my dad beat the crap out of a guy over a parking spot. — Christopher Titus

Going through the grief period of my dad and losing him - that was the worst thing because you know when you get that call. When you are seven, eight years old, you have that almost vision in your mind of what that's going to be like and what your going to feel like and it doesn't prepare you. — Richie Sambora

Nowadays, telling your wife "I have to work" gets you a disappointed sigh. This is the worst period in history to be a dad. It used to be that if you worked and provided that was enough. — Adam Carolla

On game days, I could be in the worst mood imagiable-a really bad mood. But sometimes, I'd get a call from the Make-A-Wish Foundation-there would be people, sometimes kids, who anted to meet me before they died. And the foundation would call on a game day and say, "There's kid dying here whose last wish is to see you. Can you just come and see him?" I'd get there and sometimes the kid would be comatose. One day, a kid woke up for a split second and smiled at me. I was told he'd been hanging on. The mom and dad called me later and said, "I don't know what yu did to him, but those few moments were wonderful." And I cried all the way to the game, just cried my eyes out.
It's very scary. It's uplifting, too, but so scary. And then ... I'm bitching because my breakfast is cold? — Charles Barkley

Independence is the luxury of all those people who are too confident, and busy, and popular, and attractive to be just plain old lonely. And make no mistake, lonely is absolutely the worst thing to be. Tell someone that you've got a drink problem, or an eating disorder, or your dad died when you were a kid even, and you can almost see their eyes light up with the sheer fascinating drama and pathos of it all, because you've got an issue, something for them to get involved in, to talk about and analyse and discuss and maybe even cure. But tell someone you're lonely and of course they'll seem sympathetic, but look very carefully and you'll see one hand snaking behind their back, groping for the door handle, ready to make a run for it, as if loneliness itself were contagious. Because being lonely is just so banal, so shaming, so plain and dull and ugly. — David Nicholls

The worst advice I ever received from my dad was to play by the book. My old man used to flip out whenever I would try to branch out and do something different. Although he didn't do it on purpose, he really held me back in the beginning. — Dimebag Darrell

According to his dad's journal, vampires had been through some of the worst epidemics in history. And apparently, during the days of the Black Plague, their biggest complaint had been rotten "food". — Heather Brewer