Witty Wit Quotes & Sayings

Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit. — William Shakespeare

When I battle wits with Jarod Kintz I always feel like I need to take my brain out to give him a transplant. Bad part is we don't have any. — Will Advise

Your wits make others witty. — Catherine The Great

Does drinking make you wittier? One might as well ask if witting makes you drinkier, which it may. — Benjamin Errett

Nobody ever goes to that store to shop because it's too crowded. — Sol Luckman

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

A funny person is funny only for so long, but a wit can sit down and go on being spellbinding forever. One is not meant to laugh. One stays quiet and marvels. Spontaneously witty talk is without question the most fascinating entertainment there is. — Diana Vreeland

The art of being agreeable frequently miscarries through the ambition which accompanies it. Wit, learning, wisdom,
what can more effectually conduce to the profit and delight of society? Yet I am sensible that a man may be too invariably wise, learned, or witty to be agreeable; and I take the reason of this to be, that pleasure cannot be bestowed by the simple and unmixed exertion of any one faculty or accomplishment. — Richard Cumberland

It is a curious fact, but a fact it is, that your witty people are the most hard-hearted in the world. The truth is, fancy destroys feeling. The quick eye to the ridiculous turns every thing to the absurd side; and the neat sentence, the lively allusion, and the odd simile, invest what they touch with something of their own buoyant nature. Humor is of the heart, and has its tears; but wit is of the head, and has only smiles - and the majority of those are bitter. — Letitia Elizabeth Landon

He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable — Emma Goldrick

Money, Gun and Lie can solve almost all the problems. — Amit Kalantri

Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent. — Antoine Rivarol

The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners. — Florence King

Have you ever fired one of those before?" Peter teases. "How hard can it be?" The first time we said those words seems like lifetimes ago. "I don't know, but you make it look nearly impossible." "You're hilarious. Who needs a gun when you can just knock 'em dead with your wit?" "I am pretty witty. So, are you ready?" "No, are you?" "Not in the slightest." "Oh good, we're all set then. — Jamie Canosa

Most of you Mistborn are probably too proud to crawl. I'm surprised you were willing to do so yourself."
"Too proud to crawl?" Kelsier said. "Nosense! Why, I'd say that we Mistborn are too proud not to be humble enough to go crawling about--in a dignified manner, of course."
Dockson frowned, approaching the desk. "Kell, that didn't make any sense."
"We Mistborn need not make sense. — Brandon Sanderson

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. — Terry Pratchett

ONLY' having the Gift, people appreciate this madness as Art. Everybody wants to have Art in their lives, but no body wants to have what the Art came out from in their lives ... — Hiroko Sakai

(About a cookbook ... )
- What about this one? Maids of Honor?
- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts. — Terry Pratchett

Next to being witty, the best thing is being able to quote another's wit. — Christian Nestell Bovee

I wouldn't do that," Silk advised. "Thinking about it isn't going to help, and it's only going to make you nervous."
"Nervouser," Garion corrected. "I'm already nervous."
"Is there such a word as "'nervouser'?" Silk asked Belgarath curiously.
"There is now," Belgarath replied. "Garion just invented it."
"I wish I could invent a word," Silk said admiringly to Garion. — David Eddings

What is perfectly true is perfectly witty. — Francois De La Rochefoucauld

Let Sporus tremble - "What? that thing of silk,
Sporus, that mere white curd of ass's milk?
Satire or sense, alas! can Sporus feel?
Who breaks a Butterfly upon a Wheel?"
Yet let me flap this Bug with gilded wings,
This painted Child of Dirt that stinks and stings;
Whose Buzz the Witty and the Fair annoys,
Yet Wit ne'er tastes, and Beauty ne'er enjoys, — Alexander Pope

Foolish minds will entertain you, but confuse minds will irritate you. — Amit Kalantri

Frederick's wit was impressive. When a descendant of Ghengis Khan, who was wreaking havoc in the Muslim world, wrote threateningly that the holy Roman Emperor should surrender his lands and come to his court to become one of his vassals, Frederick replied that he'd think about it and to please hold open the position of falconer. — Nancy Goldstone

Nobody thanks a witty man for politeness when he puts himself on a par with a society in which it would not be polite to show one's wit. — Friedrich Nietzsche

Half is better than none unless it be of a wit. — Susan Lendroth

Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism. — Christopher Moore

Laugh not too much; the witty man laughs least: For wit is news only to ignorance. Lesse at thine own things laugh; lest in the jest Thy person share, and the conceit advance. — George Herbert

Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems ... "
"Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue. — Robin Hobb

For such is the nature of man, that howsoever they may acknowledge many others to be more witty, or more eloquent, or more learned; Yet they will hardly believe there be many so wise as themselves: For they see their own wit at hand, and other mens at a distance. — Thomas Hobbes

My wit is only as stupid as the audience. — Aleksandra Ninkovic

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile. — Zane Stumpo

Life is meaning less when you realized that you are about to die. Till then, everything negative however trifle they may be, depress you. — Ankur Basu Roy

There's no greater proof of an impoverished mind than its inability to be witty except at other people's expense. — Fernando Pessoa

Have you ever noticed how good things go to those who hate? — Sol Luckman

A witty saying proves nothing. — Voltaire

All women may not be beautiful but every woman can look beautiful. — Amit Kalantri

Wit is the appearance, the external flash of imagination. Thus its divinity, and the witty character of mysticism. — Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

Even in the early nineteenth century, people like Goethe had little good to say about grumbling, coarsely behaved nationalist romantics of the Arndt or Jahn variety. By contrast, Germany's greatest author enjoyed the witty company of intelligent Jews. "As a rule they are more keenly curious and apt to contribute than any German nationalist," Goethe wrote. "Their ability to understand things quickly and analyze them in depth, as well as their native wit, makes them a much more receptive audience than you can find among the real and true Germans with their slow and dull minds. — Gotz Aly

The problem is you make the tricks look good. You are a brilliant acrobat, and a witty comedian. You are skillful. People want a fool to be foolish
trip on banana peels and grin and spout nonsense. These men want fools to make them feel better about themselves, not to remind them what they lack. — Kelli Swofford Nielsen

Who can prove Wit to be witty when with deeper ground Dulness intuitive declares wit dull? — George Eliot

Ack! I said.
Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me. — Jim Butcher

The next best thing to being witty one's self, is to be able to be able to quote another's wit. — Christian Nestell Bovee

They are fond of fun and therefore witty, wit being well-bred insolence. — Aristotle.

For such is the nature of men, that howsoever they may acknowledge many others to be more witty, or more eloquent, or more learned, yet they will hardly believe there be many so wise as themselves, for they see their own wit at hand, and other men's at a distance. But this proveth rather that men are in that point equal, than unequal. For there is not ordinarily a greater sign of the equal distribution of any thing than that every man is contented with his share. — Thomas Hobbes

I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. — William Shakespeare

I wonder now how we got by when you weren't here."
"I have no doubt the devastation was widespread, the suffering universal."
"Indeed, it was the Dark Ages in the annals of Mrs. Dawlish's house. Ignorance was thick on the ground, and unenlkghtenment befogged all the windows. — Sherry Thomas

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there. — Amit Kalantri

Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang. — Amit Kalantri

The important thing to remember is not to forget — Benny Bellamacina

The really witty man does not shower forth his wit so indiscriminately; — Cecil B. Hartley

I was going to write a sharp witty email full of devastating one-liners but I suspect you want something nicer than that — Lucy Robinson

Beauty without wit offers love nothing but the material enjoyment of its physical charms, whilst witty ugliness captivates by the charms of the mind, and at last fulfills all the desires of the man it has captivated ...
Let anyone ask a beautiful woman without wit whether she would be willing to exchange a small portion of her beauty for a sufficient dose of wit. If she speaks the truth, she will say, "No, I am satisfied to be as I am." But why is she satisfied? Because she is not aware of her own deficiency. Let an ugly but witty woman be asked if she would change her wit against beauty, and she will not hesitate in saying no. Why? Because, knowing the value of her wit, she is well aware that it is sufficient by itself to make her a queen in any society. — Giacomo Casanova

In order for your wit to be appreciated, the people around you need to be witty, too. In order for your lightness of being to be appreciated, those around you must be vibrating towards the same weightlessness. In order for your beauty to be appreciated, those around you must have eyes that see beauty. For your authenticity to be appreciated, those who see it must also be authentic. For your humility to be appreciated, those you are dealing with must first know humility in their hearts. You see, you have spent too much time trying to be appreciated by those who are not good enough to appreciate you. That's the truth. Those who are better than they, will see you for the beauty that you are. — C. JoyBell C.

You are lovely, brilliant, witty ... the incredible words which would relieve her of any need to repay him or refuse his gifts; loveliness and wit were priced higher than any gift he offered, while if a girl were loved, even old women of hard experience would admit her right to take and never give. — Graham Greene

Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy. — Friedrich Nietzsche

To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it. — Andre Maurois

Wit in women is a jewel, which, unlike all others, borrows lustre from its setting, rather than bestows it; since nothing is so easy as to fancy a very beautiful woman extremely witty. — Charles Caleb Colton

Spanish - how shall I say this? - is like
Portuguese spoken with a speech impediment. — Sol Luckman

Jason smiled and took a sip of his coke before responding. I'm not sure how to reply to that. I thought about just giving you a nasty look. But I see you already have one. — Mark A. Cooper

Old Madame du Deffand and her friends talked for fifty years without stopping. And of it all, what remains? Perhaps three witty sayings. So that we are at liberty to suppose either that nothing was said, or that nothing witty was said, or that the fraction of three witty sayings lasted eighteen thousand two hundred and fifty nights, which does not leave a liberal allowance of wit for any one of them. — Virginia Woolf

Your wit makes others witty. — Catherine The Great

Beauty without wit offers nothing but the enjoyment of its material charms, whilst witty ugliness captivates by the charms of the mind, and at last fulfils all the desires of the man it has captivated. — Giacomo Casanova

When I need some striking inspiration about deep depression for my new painting, I just need to go to check my bank account ... — Hiroko Sakai

Comedy has to be done en clair. You can't blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try to imagine a famous witty saying that is not immediately clear. — James Thurber

You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference. — Amit Kalantri

Well, enough of this introspection. It's depressing, quite frankly. — Sol Luckman

Il ne faut point donner d'esprit a' ses personnages; mais savoir les placer dans des circonstances qui leur en donnent. You should not give wit to your characters, but know instead how to put them in situations which will make them witty. — Denis Diderot

The wittiest authors raise the very slightest of smiles. — Friedrich Nietzsche

Deep down, he's shallow. — Peter De Vries

Goebbels was known for his wit; Martha, for a time, considered him charming. "Infectious and delightful, eyes sparkling, voice soft, his speech witty and light, it is difficult to remember his cruelty, his cunning destructive talents." Her mother, Mattie, always enjoyed being seated next to Goebbels at banquets; Dodd considered him "one of the few men with a sense of humor in Germany — Erik Larson

Never ask while you are doing it if what you are doing is fun. Don't introduce even your most reliably witty acquaintance as someone who will set the table on a roar. — Christopher Hitchens

There are some men who are witty when they are in a bad humor, and others only when they are sad. — Joseph Joubert

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs. — Oliver Goldsmith

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit. — Colin Quinn