Witty Quotes Quotes & Sayings

And why would I be hiding from Master Chubb in his own kitchen?" Halt challenged. Again, Horace shrugged innocently.
"Well, there was a tray of freshly made pies airing on the windowsill, wasn't there? And you're quite fond of pies, aren't you, Halt?"
Halt drew himself up very straight in the saddle. "Are you accusing me of sneaking into that kitchen to steal the pies for myself? Is that it?"
His voice and body language simply reeked of injured dignity.
"Of course not, Halt!" Horace hurried to assure him, and Halt's stiff-shouldered form relaxed a little.
"I just thought I'd give you the opportunity to confess," Horace added. — John Flanagan

It ain't whatcha write, it's the way atcha write it. — Ack Kerouac WD

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

If you worry about missing the boat, remember the Titanic! — Sid Bolon

Money, Gun and Lie can solve almost all the problems. — Amit Kalantri

I have a headache. If only I had a crown to put on! — Ljupka Cvetanova

You're going to throw me naked into a pit and make me drench myself in baby lotion, aren't you?" Bride
You live in New Orleans, where they can't even dig a grave. So tell me where I'm going to find this pit?" Vane
"It's an above ground pit." Bride
"Hardly secretive." Vane
"But possible," Bride — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Quote from In Love of Honey, Money....and My Virgin Passport

If you think you've the most wicked sense of humour, try life! — Mita Jain

Most of you Mistborn are probably too proud to crawl. I'm surprised you were willing to do so yourself."
"Too proud to crawl?" Kelsier said. "Nosense! Why, I'd say that we Mistborn are too proud not to be humble enough to go crawling about--in a dignified manner, of course."
Dockson frowned, approaching the desk. "Kell, that didn't make any sense."
"We Mistborn need not make sense. — Brandon Sanderson

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. — Terry Pratchett

You belong in an insane asylum, you know that?"
"Maybe my next case... — R.R. Virdi

Ear demons are totally real," Cody said. "They're what make microphones like these ones work. They're also what tell you to eat the last slice of pie when you know Tia wanted it. — Brandon Sanderson

And the challenge in the next round would be determined by the winner of this test. "Like, what, the DOM-matrix?" ~Tara Reese — Lucian Bane

The phone beeped - M fine but these two guys R on me like cougars on Adam Lambert. — Elisabeth Staab

The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions. — Robert Brault

The solicitor he selected, a Mr Makepeace, had demanded five thousand pounds up front, even before he took the top off his fountain pen, and then another five once he'd briefed Alex Redmayne, the barrister who would represent him in Court. Danny couldn't understand why he needed two lawyers to do the same job. — Jeffrey Archer

Kelsier rapped lightly on the door, and Dockson strolled over, pulling it open.
"And he makes his stunning entry!" Kelsier announced, sweeping into the room, throwing back his mistcloak.
Dockson snorted, shutting the doors. "You're truly a wonder to behold, Kell. Particularly the soot stains on your knees. — Brandon Sanderson

For a split second, I wondered if he were some type of sexy sorcerer, who was able to remove my clothing by the force of his will alone. I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on the buttons of his shirt, willing them to pop off.
It didn't work. Then again, it was pretty hard to focus while he was touching me, so maybe under different circumstances, I too could be a sexy sorcerer. Watch out world. — M.C. Lavocat

This is why you shouldn't hire your friends. It's all nice and professional until the insubordination starts. She sighed. — Rob Thomas

I know that you're worried about me, but crushing my lungs isn't going to help anyone. — Sara Massa

All women may not be beautiful but every woman can look beautiful. — Amit Kalantri

I looked up in curiosity. Behind us stood the Brown and Eagle Wool Warehouse and Schneider's Cap Factory, both constructed with that wholehearted devotion to industry that sullied the word architecture. — Lyndsay Faye

You can label jam, you can't label man — Benny Bellamacina

She said yes. If only she didn't talk so much! — Ljupka Cvetanova

The animal is making quite a mess," the butler droned.
"Are you referring to the monkey, or to my nephew?" Fennington drawled, strolling into the room.
"Hm. How long did you lurk outside the room waiting forthat opportunity?" Bennett asked — Suzanne Enoch

Never stick your tongue out at someone you can't lick. — Sid Bolon

I wouldn't do that," Silk advised. "Thinking about it isn't going to help, and it's only going to make you nervous."
"Nervouser," Garion corrected. "I'm already nervous."
"Is there such a word as "'nervouser'?" Silk asked Belgarath curiously.
"There is now," Belgarath replied. "Garion just invented it."
"I wish I could invent a word," Silk said admiringly to Garion. — David Eddings

Swallowed my pride and shit lions. — Brian Spellman

Displacement of 'What goes around, comes around' is Zero. — Gaurav Rao

The trait I regard most highly in a man is kindness. Thoughtful, consistent kindness. All other qualities - whether charming, witty, handsome, enterprising, powerful, seductive, or ingenious - wither in comparison to a truly kind man. — Richelle E. Goodrich

Foolish minds will entertain you, but confuse minds will irritate you. — Amit Kalantri

Half is better than none unless it be of a wit. — Susan Lendroth

My bosses would be beyond pissed if tomorrow's New York Times read: "Solid gold tiger eats stupid couple who were taking photos of it with their camera phone. — R.R. Virdi

People, at least a few like me, have this weird tendency of running away from things when they are their own, and racing after them obsessively when they are gone. — Mita Jain

Of course I had to talk to myself. I had no prayer God. I had no prayer doG. Why not reverse bark and froth and recite verse? — Brian Spellman

If time is money and you wasted my time, then give me back my money! — Ljupka Cvetanova

In order for your wit to be appreciated, the people around you need to be witty, too. In order for your lightness of being to be appreciated, those around you must be vibrating towards the same weightlessness. In order for your beauty to be appreciated, those around you must have eyes that see beauty. For your authenticity to be appreciated, those who see it must also be authentic. For your humility to be appreciated, those you are dealing with must first know humility in their hearts. You see, you have spent too much time trying to be appreciated by those who are not good enough to appreciate you. That's the truth. Those who are better than they, will see you for the beauty that you are. — C. JoyBell C.

As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer. — Mita Jain

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels. — Candace C. Bowen

Luckily the smoke raised the alarm and everyone fled we don't think any innocent people died. Although when the cavern collapsed two guards were crushed."
"Yeah I would have been disappointed too." Jason grinned, his grin was soon wiped off his face when he noticed Dexter's face change and disapproval of his joke. — Mark A. Cooper

Observation:

Thanks to technological advances, avid readers seem to be replacing DTBAD (Dead Tree Book Acquisition Disorder) with an alphabet soup of more more modern-day hoarding behaviors: EBAD (E-Book Acquistion Disorder), EGAD (Electronic Gadget Acquisition Disorder), and ABAD (Audiobook Acquisition Disorder). Of course, there's also MYBAD (Movie and YouTube Acquisition Disorder: the hoarding or obsessive viewing of digital films and videos, some based on books). If any of these syndromes describes you, take heart: there's probably an app for that! - 8/9/2013 — Lisa Tolliver

Krystal's slow passage up the school had resembled the passage of a goat through the body of a boa constrictor, being highly visible and uncomfortable for both parties concerned. — J.K. Rowling

The important thing to remember is not to forget — Benny Bellamacina

Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang. — Amit Kalantri

When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run from there. — Amit Kalantri

The only sharks I'm afraid of are the ones that wear three-piece suits and write memos. — Laurie Nadel

Alexia found herself surrounded and embraced by a room of such unmitigated welcome and personality that it was akin to being yelled at by plum pudding. — Gail Carriger

A grieving woman could sit alone on a jetty in the early morning. But not with a book in her hands. — Pia Juul

Luckily we don't sleep standing. Who knows where the dream will take us! — Ljupka Cvetanova

It was difficult to see the exact nature of his expression as, in addition to the ubiquitous mustache, the clockmaker also wore a golden-brown beard of such epic proportions as might dwarf a mulberry bush. It was as though his mustache had become overly enthusiastic and, seized with the spirit of adventure, set out to conquer the southern reaches of his face in a take-no-prisoners kind of way. — Gail Carriger

A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Would you consider a man or a woman to be complicated? Is it that difficult to understand both the sexes? We say that we know what the other sex is all about, but is that really true? Perhaps the following witty, funny quotes and sayings can help simplify things down about men. — Indira Gandhi

Deep down, he's shallow. — Peter De Vries

I smile at the interviewer's stern face to buy more time. This is why I hate interviews. I don't see the point of them; you can't really be honest. I can't tell Mrs. Chainani that I left my producer job because all my colleagues were bitches. The job was too stressful and everyone was horrible. It certainly wasn't glamorous. I'm not really passionate about the media. I'm not passionate about anything, really. I just need a job. Anything will do. — Anjali Kirpalani

Pretty?' I said, swivelling in the driver's seat to face him, 'you want to ask me out because I'm pretty?' 'Is there a problem with asking you out because you're pretty?' 'I think you blew it,' said Tiger with a grin. 'You should be asking her out because she's smart, witty, mature beyond her years and every moment in her company makes you want to be a better person - pretty of face should be at the bottom of the list.' 'Oh, blast,' said Perkins despondently. 'It should, shouldn't it? — Jasper Fforde

Nothing like cleaning the whole house while my siblings sing "O Canada" - #oldestchildsyndrome. — Michelle N. Onuorah

Shocked my old friend from China, Deja Vu, when I turned up at his door without notice. — Nikhil Sharda

I watched you undress. Shame on you! — Ljupka Cvetanova

You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference. — Amit Kalantri