Witty God Quotes & Sayings

She recalled him as a forceful and witty speaker with a ready repartee and a penetrating voice. He had once, for example, put down a spokesman for the pesticide industry with a remark that people still quoted at parties: And I presume on the eighth day God called you and said, 'I changed my mind about insects! — John Brunner

I definitely know that-that love is the most powerful thing of all and I remember thinking that-God, I'm about to make myself cry but, I remember thinking that when 9/11 happened because those last phone calls were about-the last thing knowingly, that I'm going to say on this earth is 'I love you.' What's more powerful than that? What's more proof than that? Beyond fear, beyond death. — J.K. Rowling

Remember Ambrose Bierce's witty definition of the verb 'to pray': 'to ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy'. There are athletes who believe God helps them win - against opponents who would seem, on the face of it, no less worthy of his favouritism. There are motorists who believe God saves them a parking space - thereby presumably depriving somebody else. This style of theism is embarrassingly popular, and is unlikely to be impressed by anything as (superficially) reasonable as NOMA. Nevertheless, — Richard Dawkins

Lauren, he murmured.
She looked up into his face, into his glazed eyes. Her lips parted to say something cutting, pithy, witty - God, anything would be better than nothing - when he leant toward her, those angry-sky eyes of his growing intense with clarity, and then his mouth was on hers.
Lord, he still kisses ...
His tongue dipped past her lips, seeking and finding hers with little resistance. He tasted as good as he had fifteen years ago - toothpaste and coffee and him. He tasted as good. He smelt as good. He felt as good. — Lexxie Couper

I once thought that the Pacific Crest Trail Association used these trail registers to track the progress of individual thru-hikers and make sure that they are not cheating by skipping parts of the PCT. But I learned that is not true. The main purpose of the trail registers was to show me how many people were in front of me so that I could feel slow and inadequate. But I could also learn the names of the people that I would pass so that I could freak them out by calling them by their trail name before they could tell me what it is. Some people write witty things in trail registers, like "Out of food. Stalked by bear. For the love of God please help me." I get a lot of laughs from reading trail registers. When — Libby Zangle

Atheism Explained is a gem. It is clear, informative, well-argued, provocative, often witty, and unfailingly interesting. David Ramsay Steele ranges over so many issues that I should be surprised if he were right about everything, but it makes for a most stimulating read. The book is in a different league from Richard Dawkins's The God Delusion, and deserves much greater success. — Jeremy Shearmur

Lukewarm persons think they may accommodate points of religion by middle ways and witty reconcilements,
as if they would make an arbitrament between God and man. — Francis Bacon

Charles laughingly observed,'Gospel and the blues are really, if you break it down, almost the same thing. It's just a question of whether you're talkin' about a woman or God. — Craig Werner

Great God! This is an awful place. — Robert Falcon Scott

I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with-out heresy. — William Shakespeare

Of course I had to talk to myself. I had no prayer God. I had no prayer doG. Why not reverse bark and froth and recite verse? — Brian Spellman

There was a time when skepticism was an act of rebellion. Since to a degree I both believe in evolution and have faith, I can only conclude that, as prophesied, to have faith will someday be an act of rebellion. — Criss Jami

Oh, God, Francesca,Now there's a good one.Why?Why? Why?" He gave each one a different tenor, as if he were testing out the word, asking it to
different people.
"Why?" he asked again, this time with increased volume
as he turned around to face her.
"Why? It's
because I love you, damn me to hell. Because I've always loved you. Because I loved you when you
were with John, and I loved you when I was in India, and God only knows I don't deserve you, but I
love you, anyway."
Francesca sagged against the door.
"How's that for a witty little joke?" he mocked. "I loveyou. I loveyou, my cousin's wife. I loveyou, the
one woman I can never have. I loveyou, Francesca Bridger-ton Stirling. — Julia Quinn

The strongest language to be found in The God Delusion is tame and measured by comparison. If it sounds intemperate, it is only because of the weird convention, almost universally accepted (see the quotation from Douglas Adams here), that religious faith is uniquely privileged: above and beyond criticism. Insulting a restaurant might seem trivial compared to insulting God. But restaurateurs and chefs really exist and they have feelings to be hurt, whereas blasphemy, as the witty bumper sticker puts it, is a victimless crime. — Richard Dawkins

Make sure it is God's trumpet you are blowing-
if it is only yours it won't wake the dead,
it will simply disturb the neighbours. — W. Ian Thomas

It is a melancholy consideration that there should be several among us so hardened and deluded as to think an oath a proper subject for a jest; and to make this, which is one of the most solemn acts of religion, an occasion of mirth. Yet such is the depravation of our manners at present, that nothing is more frequent than to hear profligate men ridiculing, to the best of their abilities, these sacred pledges of their duty and allegiance; and endeavouring to be witty upon themselves, for daring to prevaricate with God and man. — Joseph Addison

Didn't anyone ever teach you why it's a bad idea to make assumptions?"
He raises his eyebrows, waiting for an answer.
Oh, dear God. Does he really think that joke is original or witty?
"It makes an ass out of you and me."
"I see you're both smart and pretty." He laughs and settles into another smile.
That's the one he thinks is sexy. The smile he practices in the mirror. — Rysa Walker