Witticism Quotes & Sayings

Somebody cracks a joke, a whole row laughs, one witticism sets off another, and, like matches, they flare up and burn down. — Joseph Roth

No exceptions to exceptions! — Raheel Farooq

Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke. — Ambrose Bierce

A mountain still in the distance can appear as a molehill. — Howard Fast

An epigram is a flashlight of a truth; a witticism, truth laughing at itself. — Minna Antrim

Never use naughtiness in mixed company, unless your witticism is so funny that your audience will shoot tears of happiness out of their eyes with a velocity sufficient to powerwash a small bus. Any joke that falls short of that standard will make you lose respect in the eyes of everyone except your best friends, who, as you know, lost respect for you long ago. — Scott Adams

What is certain is that I am not a Marxist, as someone said a long time ago, let us recall, in a witticism reported by Engels. Must we still cite Marx as an authority in order to say "I am not a Marxist"? — Jacques Derrida

Of all failures, to fail in a witticism is the worst, and the mishap is the more calamitous in a drawn-out and detailed one — Walter Savage Landor

If you write something wrong enough, I'll be glad to make up a new witticism just for you. — Larry Wall

I was greeted at the Magraths' apartment door by a dumpy, pie-faced woman with a frizz of unsprung black hair. She wore black spandex leggings and an oversized T-shirt with an equally oversized message stamped across the front: Don't Give Me Attitude, I Have One of My Own. This witticism ran six full lines, drawing my eyes southward over her person from wavering bosom to detumescent belly, a journey I regret even now. — William Landay

The Dandy is the highest form of existence attainable by the human form. His life is exclusively dedicated to dressing exquisitely, parading about the fashionable boroughs of splendid cities and and holding forth at his club, where he dispenses witticism as readily as the vulgaroisie utters its banal platitudes. The only species of 'work' this singular Chap might engage in would consist of discussing buttonhole stitching with his tailor and performing his ablutions until the morning has been well aired enough for him to step into it. — Gustav Temple And Vic Darkwood

He who cannot shine by thought, seeks to bring himself into notice by a witticism. — Voltaire

Just as the witticism brings two very different real objects under one concept, the pun brings two different concepts, by the assistance of accident, under one word. — Arthur Schopenhauer

Sometimes a witticism has no truth behind it. — Michael Leunig

Besides, every experience is of value, and whatever one may say against marriage, it is certainly an experience. — Oscar Wilde

How gratifying it is to amuse. How easy it gets to toss off a witticism to ease any awkwardness, to sidestep any solemnity. When you amuse, it even seems, for the briefest possible moment that you are who you appear to be, so clever and confident and at ease. — Caroline Kettlewell

One should have wit, but not wish to have it; otherwise there will be witticism, the Alexandrian style of wit. — Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

Readers of this memo will be disappointed to know that Bong-Bong Gad (sic), designer/owner/driver/proprietor of the vehicle, anticipated the inevitable "there but for THE GRACE OF GOD go I" witticism by unloading same on Yours Truly while we were still shaking hands (Filipinos go in for long handshakes, and the first party to initiate termination of a handshake - usually the non-Filipino - is invariably left with a nagging feeling that he is a shithead) — Neal Stephenson

I saw that my witticism was unperceived and quietly replaced it in the treasury of my mind. — Flann O'Brien

Jeff Beachum, Sergeant of Snark, Wielder of Witticism, Dominator of the Double Entendre, completely ran out of things to say. — Amy Lane

That was the problem with snide comments; they invariably lost all their punch on repetition. Besides, when facing impending death, what did the odd witticism matter? — Lauren Willig

A joke is a witticism or play on words that's meant to be funny. I say 'meant to be' because most jokes aren't funny. They range between mildly amusing and grimace-inducingly annoying. — Michael Monroe

When they were introduced, he made a witticism, hoping to be liked. She laughed extremely hard, hoping to be liked. Then each drove home alone, staring straight ahead, with the very same twist to their faces.
The man who'd introduced them didn't much like either of them, though he acted as if he did, anxious as he was to preserve good relations at all times. One never knew, after all, now did one now did one now did one. — David Foster Wallace

A man often runs the risk of throwing away a witticism if he admits that it is his own. — Jean De La Bruyere

A man of remarkable genius may afford to pass by a piece of wit, if it happen to border on abuse. A little genius is obliged to catch at every witticism indiscriminately. — William Shenstone

But this small episode is as good an illustration as any of the hazards of uttering witticisms. By the very nature of a witticism, one is given very little time to assess its various possible repercussions before one is called to give voice to it, and one gravely risks uttering all manner of unsuitable things if one has not first acquired the necessary skill and experience. — Kazuo Ishiguro

Such is life, my fellow-mummers-just like a poor player that bluffs and feints his hour upon the stage, and then cheapens down to mere nonentity. But let me not hear any small witticism to the further effect that its story is a tale told by a vulgarian, full of slang and blanky, signifying-nothing. — Joseph Furphy

The lads I've met in cupid's deadlock
Were - shall we say? - born out of wedlock — Dorothy Parker

A witticism in an airport security line is like a Swiss tap - turn it on, and you instantly find yourself in hot water. — Shashi Tharoor

I can resist anything but the temptation to make a clever witticism. — Oscar Wilde

Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got eight-year-olds working ninety hours a week to deliver you that kind of top-quality witticism? There are boy bands with more original material. — John Green