Watches With Funny Quotes & Sayings

I just write what I think is funny. I don't care who watches it. — Ian Hecox

Funny to watch these Senators switching back and forth on Prohibition. Politics is a great character builder. You have to take a referendum to see what your convictions are for that day. — Will Rogers

Gentleness is the antidote for cruelty. — Phaedrus

I work out with our trainer, Jocelynne Boschen of Alpha Sport L.A., hike a lot, and eat healthy. I love cooking so prepare a lot of my own food and avoid processed foods. No fast food. No soda. — Elizabeth Banks

Not to sound too much like Christopher Guest in 'Waiting for Guffman,' but on Thanksgiving you're putting on a show! — Ted Allen

Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of course, a complete blast to watch. — Dennis Miller

In the window, I fantasize ... about providing grown-ups and children alike with the greatest gift of all: insight ... — David Rakoff

Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television? — Henny Youngman

Ask him what time it is and he'll tell you how the watch was made. — Jane Wyman

I've never read a review from anybody that said, "I don't want to watch this anymore because it's just too funny. I laughed too much." — Jack Kenny

It is part," Rollo writes home to the elder Dr. Groast in Lancashire, in elaborate revenge for childhood tales of Jenny Greenteeth waiting out in the fens to drown him, "part of an old and clandestine drama for which the human body serves only as a set of very allusive, often cryptic programme-notes- it's as if the body we can measure is a scrap of this programme found outside in the street, near a magnificent stone theatre we cannot enter. The convolutions of language denied us! the great Stage, even darker than Mr Tyrone Guthrie's accustomed murk ... Gilt and mirroring, red velvet, tier on tier of box seats all in shadows too, as somewhere down in that deep proscenium, deeper than geometries we know of, the voices utter secrets we are never told ... — Thomas Pynchon

Comedy can be destructive, and still very, very funny. But if I can do something that is fun to watch and critical of the world but not wantonly destructive, I pursue those [kinds of] ideas more. — Bob Odenkirk

She appears to have a face that would stop a clock and raise hell with small watches, bless her heart. — Celia Rivenbark

Mindless habitual behavior is the enemy of innovation. — Rosabeth Moss Kanter

My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn."
"She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."
-Ranger and Stephanie — Janet Evanovich

That's a weird way to torture yourself. Just watch a movie, over and over, that you hate. That's really funny - that's probably exactly what hell is like. — Rob Huebel

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money. — George Carlin

Look at your watch now. You're still a super hot female. — Gwen Stefani

Watch me closely - only one can spoil it. — Eugene Ormandy

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone! — Rodney Dangerfield

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano. — Rita Rudner