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Vegetarian Humor Quotes & Sayings

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Top Vegetarian Humor Quotes

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Bill Bailey

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they. — Bill Bailey

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Denis Leary

I tried eating vegetarian. I felt like a wimp going into a restaurant. "What do you want to eat sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's a side dish, folks. Always was, always will be, OK! When they ask me what I want, I say: What do you think I want? This is America. I want a bowl of raw red meat right now. — Denis Leary

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By A.G. Howard

"You're wearing your Seduction Hat. Why am I not surprised?"
He offers a pirate's smile. "Did you notice ... I've a new embellishment?" He makes a show of adjusting an owl's tail feather in the band.
I bite back a giggle. "Vegetarian barn owl, I presume?"
"Won't be bothering me again for some time."
"I can guarantee it's not the only one out there."
He loops my arm through his. "Good. I'm always up for a worthy chase." — A.G. Howard

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Bill Bailey

I'm a sort of like post-modern vegetarian, I eat meat ... Ironically. — Bill Bailey

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Steven Wright

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass. — Steven Wright

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Scott Adams

You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway. — Scott Adams

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Douglas Adams

Despite the fact that an Indonesian island chicken has probably had a much more natural life than one raised on a battery farm in England, people who wouldn't think twice about buying something oven-ready become much more upset about a chicken that they've been on a boat with, so there is probably buried in the Western psyche a deep taboo about eating anything you've been introduced to socially. — Douglas Adams

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Matt Groening

I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees — Matt Groening

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By L.J.Smith

If you can find one good thing to say about her I'll turn vegetarian! — L.J.Smith

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Quentin R. Bufogle

I was eating a steak at a local restaurant last night, when a random woman said: "Y'know, you'd be much better off being a vegetarian." "Are you crazy?" I said, "The cow was a vegetarian and look what happened to it! — Quentin R. Bufogle

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Nick Hornby

When it came down to it, he just wasn't that engaged. You had to be engaged to be a vegetarian; you had to be engaged to sing "Both Sides Now" with your eyes closed; when it came down to it, you had to be engaged to be a mother. — Nick Hornby

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Michel Templet

Presenting a rational argument to a person who has forsaken the use of reason is like asking a vegetarian to eat a cheeseburger. — Michel Templet

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By A. Whitney Brown

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. — A. Whitney Brown

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Jasper Fforde

The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable. — Jasper Fforde

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Scott Andrews

In such societies it is common for ordinary people to seek out celibate spiritual leaders for marriage, love and sometimes sexual guidance. This strikes me as a particularly stupid kind of folly. Nobody ever asks a vegetarian for a recommendation for a steak house — Scott Andrews

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By G.K. Chesterton

Killed a policeman? How Vegetarian! Well, I suppose it was, so long as they didn't eat him. — G.K. Chesterton

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Susan Elizabeth Phillips

All right," she said in a low, determined voice. 'I'll go along with this. But you are not, under any circumstances, to refer to me again as 'the future Mrs. Bobby Tom,' do you understand? Because if you say that just once, just once, I will personally tell the entire world that our engagement is a fraud. Furthermore, I will announce that you are-are-" Her mouth opened and closed, She's stared out strong, but now she couldn't think of anything terrible enough to throw at him.
An ax murderer?" he offered helpfully.
When she didn't reply, he tried again. " A vegetarian?"
It came to her in a flash. "Impotent! — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By J. Richard Singleton

I love animals, especially with barbeque sauce. — J. Richard Singleton

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Larry Niven

How much intelligence does it take to sneak up on a leaf? — Larry Niven

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Bill Watterson

I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian! — Bill Watterson

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By Rachel Cohn

Goodwill to Spazzy up in gerbil heaven. Sorry sorry sorry. I stopped eating meat the day of the massacre, as penance for Spazzy. I've been a vegetarian since age six, all for the love of a gerbil. — Rachel Cohn

Vegetarian Humor Quotes By David Levithan

Are you a vegetarian?' I ask, based on the evidence in front of me.
She nods.
'Why?'
'Because I have this theory that when we die, every animal that we've eaten has a chance at eating us back. So if you're a carnivore and you add up all the animals you've eaten
well, that's a long time in purgatory, being chewed.'
'Really?'
She laughs. 'No. I'm just sick of the question. I mean, I'm a vegetarian because I think it's wrong to eat other sentient creatures. And it sucks for the environment. — David Levithan