Uncles Funny Quotes & Sayings

Everyone designs who devises courses of action aimed at changing existing situations into preferred ones. — Herbert Simon

This time I felt my own face redden. Talking with this woman was like sitting still for a series of slaps, delivered arhythmically so you couldn't know when the next one was coming. — Elizabeth Kostova

My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny, my uncle's really funny, everyone's really funny. You have to be quick, otherwise you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp. — Noel Fielding

Nothing is unimportant to a man plunged in despair. He is as credulous as a criminal sentenced to death who listens to a lunatic raving to him about how he can escape through the keyhole. — Honore De Balzac

In adolescence I started to find out about Robert Wilson because I saw Lou Reed's "Timerocker" at [the Brooklyn Academy of Music]. I started getting into Jim Jarmusch and knew that my uncle was a friend of his. I pieced together parts of his life in high school and college, which lead me to his story in a funny way. — Aaron Brookner

Collect books, even if you don't plan on reading them right away. Nothing is more important than an unread library. — John Waters

Next time you're faced with a choice, do the right thing. It hurts everyone less in the long run. — Wendelin Van Draanen

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. — Bo Burnham

Modern politics today requires a mastery of television. I've never really warmed up to television and, in fairness to television, it's never warmed up to me. — Walter F. Mondale

My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following Friday they had to go to the cemetery to beat his liver to death with a stick. — Frank Carson

I'm sorry I don't remember."
He shrugs like it doesn't matter, but it does, and we both know it. "We'll make new memories. — Dan Krokos

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt — Mark Twain

My hair is naturally blonde... Just for the record. ~ Jace — Cassandra Clare

I don't quite recollect how many tumblers of whiskey toddy each man drank after supper; but this I know, that about one o'clock in the morning, the baillie's grown-up son became insensible while attempting the first verse of 'Willie brewed a peck o' maut'; and he having been, for half an hour before, the only other man visible above the mahogany, it occurred to my uncle that it was almost time to think about going. — Charles Dickens

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain. — Jeff Ross

Seventy percent of a first draft is garbage and 30 percent is gold, but you have to write 100 percent to get that 30. — Laurell K. Hamilton

My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn't funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny. — Louis C.K.

America, so far as her physical history is concerned, has been falsely denominated the New World. Hers was the first dry land lifted out of the waters, hers the first shore washed by the ocean that enveloped all the earth beside; and while Europe was represented only by islands rising here and there above the sea, America already stretched an unbroken line of land from Nova Scotia to the Far West. — Louis Agassiz

Bonapartist democrat."
"Grey shades of a quiet mouse colour. — Victor Hugo

Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle. — Chelsea Handler

Like other people, anthropologists may see only what they want to see, even when what they want to see is nothing. — J. Budziszewski

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum. — Bill Engvall