Ultimate Funny Quotes & Sayings

The more serious the situation, the funnier the comedy can be. The greatest comedy plays against the greatest tragedy. Comedy is a red rubber ball and if you throw it against a soft, funny wall, it will not come back. But if you throw it against the hard wall of ultimate reality, it will bounce back and be very lively. Very, very few people understand this. — Mel Brooks

Tocqueville remarks on this in Democracy in America. "An American," he wrote, "cannot converse, but he can discuss, and his talk falls into a dissertation. — Neil Postman

I mean, money is a tool. — Jack Abramoff

Denying your faith in the Lord was the ultimate no-no — Jennifer Mathieu

I am the ultimate California girl, which is funny, being that I'm Canadian. — Pamela Anderson

I consider myself very lucky. God has a funny way of bringing some things around and knocking you in the head with the ultimate destination. Something I should have achieved quite easily took me a long time to get around to. It came in His time, not mine. — Jim Morris

Once I sold my shares and figured I wanted to get out of the magazine business it was like, "Now I can do whatever I want, anything I want in the world." And I guess I subconsciously hoped it would be something a little more adult. But I just want to do funny shorts, and TV is the ultimate endpoint for that. — Gavin McInnes

Life is lived through things which are not true. We pretend ourselves foolish in order to show our wisdom. We find things funny, which are sad. We smile at those who we would destroy, make alliances with those we do not respect, admire ourselves for our intellect and always look for the ultimate prize. We would be great, every one of us, and to achieve greatness do not bother to look at those we have destroyed in our path. A game is all of this and more, and nobler, for those who play at last transcend themselves, and see both the consequences of their choices, and the board as a whole. I do not think there is a nobler calling than the game, and I would have you a part of it.) — Claire North

Nature fits all her children with something to do, he who would write and can't write, can surely review. — James Russell Lowell

Russell?"
"Yeah! You got my back now?" Russell asks in a sour tone, looking over the railing from the tower above. "'Cuz one of them freaky demon things almost ate me after y'all left!"
"A Riser nearly ate you?" Reed asks with humor in his tone
"Yeah, whatever - it's not funny!" he calls down, sounding irritated. "Next time, I want Zee for my wingman."
"That is because I am the ultimate assassin," Zephyr replies from behind Reed. — Amy A. Bartol

Such a funny thing death is for mortals. You cry. You morn. You grieve. You get angry. But death is not always tragic, dear one. Sometimes death is the ultimate expression of love. — R.K. Ryals

Audrey nodded warily. She had never cared for conspiratorial female conversation of this sort. Its assumption of shared preoccupations was usually unfounded in her experience, its intimacies almost always the trapdoor to some subterranean hostility. — Zoe Heller

I've always been led to believe that the ultimate goal for an author is the movie deal. Now I understand that the movie deal is merely a MEANS TO A MUCH HIGHER END: NAIL POLISH. — Kristin Cashore

This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks - to have a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed; no machines, no wires, no controls. — Michael Swanwick

Things have been invented because of alcohol. Like the taser, okay? Yeah! The morning after pill, okay? The reach-around. Judge Judy. What has pot given the world? Hackey sack? YEAH! Hilarious ring tones? OH GAH! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can't get you laid. It's an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter. — Dave Attell

We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements. — Chic Murray

Who said anything about relationship? Besides, we're not required to share everything; it's not like we're married."
"You want to marry me?" Xavier asked, and I saw some faces turn toward us in curiosity. "I was thinking we'd start slow and see where things went, but hey, what the hell!"
I rolled my eyes. "Be quiet or I'll be forced to flick you."
"Ooh," he mocked. "The ultimate threat. I don't think I've ever been flicked before."
"Are you suggesting I can't hurt you?"
"On the contrary, I think you have the power to do great damage."
I looked at him quizzically and then blushed deeply when his meaning dawned.
"Very funny," I said curtly. — Alexandra Adornetto

The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is ... 42! — Douglas Adams

Okay, so let's say we're all in the bubble. What's tonight then? Part of the bubble too? Because, it can't be all bad if there's Nutter Butter pancakes, right?"
He flashed a crooked smile. "This? This is a blip in the bubble. A glitch in the matrix. This is the ultimate not-supposed to. — Margaux Froley

I don't really see a conflict between the church and the movies, the sacred and the profane ... there are major differences, but I could also see great similarities ... Both are places for people to come together and share. — Martin Scorsese

Being funny is one of the ultimate weapons a person can have in human society. — Jerry Seinfeld

Jail's are a spooky place," remarked Bill, trying to match the pace of detective Adam.

"Oh that is nothing in front of the ultimate fear" replied detective Adam.

"Ultimate fear?"

"Funny thing that, the ultimate fear is also the ultimate relief."

"Which is?"

"Death — Rao Umar Javed

While it might surprise many ecologists to hear, capitalism is itself the ultimate form of conservationism. Capitalists seek to conserve resources, not because of sentimental feelings about nature or the earth or whales or worry about the well-being of future generations, but simply because every drop of oil, every ton of ore, every shipment of wood saved is a cost reduction and money in the pocket. — Steven Plaut

The world of Ultimate Spider-Man is funny. I can't imagine a live-action film where he's Principal Coulson and dealing with some of the pranks from these guys. — Clark Gregg

Kitty waved her free hand to show that she was ok, although she was very tempted to stand over one of Adam's window-washing puddles and pretend her waters had broken just to see what he would do. — Christine Stovell