U S Comedian Quotes & Sayings

I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me. — Steven Wright

When I approach villains, unless it's a drama, I'm a comedian, so I approach most things from a comedic point of view. — Rob Riggle

I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown. — Bernie Mac

I pushed against doing a podcast for so long. I'm a very late comer to the podcast game. But you're responsibility as a comedian is to get your viewpoints out into the world, and we have a lot more avenues to do that. So it's a lot more opportunity, but really have to work all the time. — Kurt Braunohler

When I read about the dangers of drinking, I gave up reading — Henny Youngman

You never have a comedian who hasn't got a very deep strain of sadness within him or her. Every great clown has been very near to tragedy. — Margaret Rutherford

When I began doing theatre in high school I saw that I could get laughs from people but I didn't really connect that to going on and becoming a comedian. I was interested in acting and while I was at Boston College I was part of an improv group, Mother's Fleabag, which had a long history and has been known as one of the best college improvisation groups in the U.S. — Amy Poehler

Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make jokes about themselves. I chose myself. — Mike Birbiglia

There are a lot of sources of information out there, so why don't you curate for yourself a list, like a real timeline of information, like the New York Times, or JetBlue, or your friends, or this comedian, or this guy who pretends to be a cat, or whatever it is, whatever entertains you, whatever you find useful. — Biz Stone

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever. — Gilbert Gottfried

Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids) is a gimmick comedian who has devoted her short career to being obese and obnoxious with equal success. — Rex Reed

Because that's what it would catch in the wild, a boar, right? I can't wait to see a pack of bunnycats take down a wild hog with those short tiny legs. Wouldn't the boar be surprised?"
Everybody was a comedian.
"May be if I oink loud enough, it'll leap across the beam and try to devour me. — Ilona Andrews

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes. — Felipe Esparza

I get very jealous of my friends who have traditional families and 9-to-5 jobs, because I feel like just by the nature of being a comedian ... — Chris Gethard

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now — Bob Monkhouse

I am pleased to say that I am not a tortured comedian - I laugh a lot. My twenties weren't particularly happy, but it's the same for a lot of people. In your thirties, you realise that your life and your worries are really insignificant, and you have to force yourself to be more positive and take each day as a gift. — Miranda Hart

Whenever I go on a show with a comedian I just counter punch. — Bill O'Reilly

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist. — Jeff Foxworthy

My phone buzzes, and I shut off YouTube so I can access my messages.

Logan: Just found the perfect xmas present for you in Boston.

A photo promptly appears, summoning a loud groan from my throat. The asshole sent me a pic of a novelty My Little Pony dildo. Damn thing is bright pink, with rainbow sparkles on the handle.

Logan: And it's rechargeable! U don't have to buy batteries. THAT'S handy!

Me: Hardy-har-har. You = comedian.

Then I message Grace: Tell your BF to stop being mean to me.

She texts back a smiley face. Traitor. — Elle Kennedy

That's one thing about my shows. I tell people, I'm not a comedian, I'm just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I don't snap and so I don't go off the handle when I get home. — Gabriel Iglesias

I'm a comedian who happens to be Latino. What's the difference? The difference is, my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo. — Gabriel Iglesias

I always say about my daughters, they save me from my miserable self. They take me out, you know, a comedian, you could live in your head a lot. And you're writing and you're doubting. But when I'm with my kids and my family, it's all about them. — Chris Rock

I considered myself a professional comedian because the club would pay me $20. — Tom Green

Whether you do stand-up comedy or write a story, you have a duty to deliver. As a comedian, you walk out on stage, and you have a minute to hook them, or they'll start booing. As a writer, it's very similar. A reader doesn't have time to say, 'I'll give him 50 pages, as it's not very good yet, but I hope it'll get better.' — Mark Billingham

Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT. — Dane Cook

I thought she was the funniest woman, and I believed being a comedian was the most exciting thing you could be. — Maya Rudolph

Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse. — Chris Rock

I'm a comedian so I'm not waiting around for someone to write a part for me. I don't have to wait for somebody else to create my next job; I have the ability to basically write my own ticket. — Wanda Sykes

Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they're socially callous. — Dave Chappelle

I'm not a comedian, I'm an actor. — Chris Diamantopoulos

Right-wing propagandists like Limbaugh and Coulter are essentially entertainers, entertainers who stimulate prejudice, selfishness and meanness the way a comedian works for laughs or a tragedian plays for tears. Theirs is a new art form, exclusive to America and bewilderingly successful. In place of traditional conservative ideology, they offer their audience partisan belligerence and a complete package of mail-order hatreds, designed for the conceptually and ethically impaired. — Hal Crowther

I'm a stand-up comedian-turned-actor-turned-vampire at night. — Vir Das

When they put me in jail, that's when they turned me into an activist. Up until the time I went to jail, I was just a comedian. — Tommy Chong

I'm not a comedian. I don't do stand-up. I don't tell jokes. I'm a comedic actor, and approach my work that way. The comedy comes through the character. — Eugene Levy

As you get older as a comedian and keep doing it, what you actually start to cherish on stage is not the build-up to the jokes, but how comfortable you can be in the silence and the non-laughing parts, and how long you can take the audience without a laugh to then get a huge reaction. — Patton Oswalt

It started off for me as just wanting to be an actor and sort of resenting in a weird way being expected to write as well as be a comedian and an improviser. And then you think about it for a minute, and I smartened up and realized that the only way to sustain a career is to generate your own material. Or to be in control of your career as best you can. And in allowing yourself to do that it opens up a whole new world of possibilities. And then you're like "Oh, producing is a thing." — Rob Corddry