Two Satirical Quotes & Sayings

The fact that my dick's in it's happy place is probably saving your life. Trust me when I say I'm seriously considerin' strangling you, Sophie. Thinking about fuckin' you balances that out. — Joanna Wylde

He who writes books that aim to convince is a comedian, too, just a comedian. What has he got to offer others, apart from chains, still more chains? Fiction never liberated anyone. No one ever brought anything back from voyages through dream worlds. — Jean-Marie G. Le Clezio

Where are we going?" I asked. "The main road leads to all of the major kingdoms."
"Not all of them," said Amar. — Roshani Chokshi

As the state's top lawyer, I am empowered to protect nonprofit donors from fraudulent solicitations and charitable assets from misuse. — Eric Schneiderman

Satire is an art best practiced behind the back of the intended target. I think inviting politicians on a satirical show becomes a very big trap. Because one of two things happen: Either you have to kind of unsharpen your fangs because you can't be quite as cruel to people to their face as you are behind their backs ... Or you don't defang, and those guests get the word and they stop coming. — Harry Shearer

You might think that, by now, people would have become accustomed to the idea of natural catastrophes. We live on a planet that is still cooling and which has fissures and faults in its crust; this much is accepted even by those who think that the globe is only six thousand years old, as well as by those who believe that the earth was "designed" to be this way. Even in such a case, it is to be expected that earthquakes will occur and that, if they occur under the seabed, tidal waves will occur also. Yet two sorts of error are still absolutely commonplace. The first of these is the idiotic belief that seismic events are somehow "timed" to express the will of God. Thus, reasoning back from the effect, people will seriously attempt to guess what sin or which profanity led to the verdict of the tectonic plates. The second error, common even among humanists, is to borrow the same fallacy for satirical purposes and to employ it to disprove a benign deity. — Christopher Hitchens

I added 'writers' to my list of people not to trust. They make everything up. — David Mitchell

The dynamic is unmistakable: fixed lines for phones have been declining at a three-percent rate for the last several years, while the number of Americans opting for cell phone calling keeps increasing. If you are a fixed line provider this trend means trouble. Many of the fixed mobile convergence strategies under consideration end up utilizing a smart phone or dual-mode VoWLAN/Cellular phone that works like a landline phone in the local area and then converts to cell phone calling. — Robert Rosenberg

I really try to forget. I only look at my old works if there's an interview and someone asks me about it. Otherwise, it's not even in the rearview mirror. — Chang-rae Lee

You know, your clothes may say disco, but your eyes say rock n roll. — Giuseppe Andrews

Happiness is not a luxury. It is a necessity. When we are happy, we are in the best possible place to be good to ourselves and those we love. — Suze Orman