Quotes & Sayings About Turkeys On Thanksgiving

The turkeys that most Americans eat for Thanksgiving are turkeys - losers that are mass produced and bland. — Marian Burros

Any woman who votes for no-fault divorce is like a turkey voting for Thanksgiving. — Pat Robertson

There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They prefer to buy the bird live and then push it in front of a subway train. — David Letterman

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. — Nicole Hollander

Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce. — Joan Rivers

I love Thanksgiving turkey ... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. — Arnold Schwarzenegger

Eight days ago, we were the toast of the town. Eight days later we're Thanksgiving turkeys. — Wayne Gretzky

In the shooter hypothesis, a good marksman shoots at a target, creating a hole every ten centimeters. Now suppose the surface of the target is inhabited by intelligent, two-dimensional creatures. Their scientists, after observing the universe, discover a great law: "There exists a hole in the universe every ten centimeters." They have mistaken the result of the marksman's momentary whim for an unalterable law of the universe. The farmer hypothesis, on the other hand, has the flavor of a horror story: Every morning on a turkey farm, the farmer comes to feed the turkeys. A scientist turkey, having observed this pattern to hold without change for almost a year, makes the following discovery: "Every morning at eleven, food arrives." On the morning of Thanksgiving, the scientist announces this law to the other turkeys. But that morning at eleven, food doesn't arrive; instead, the farmer comes and kills the entire flock. — Liu Cixin

Times are hard in the ghetto, I gotta steal for a living;
Eating turkey-flavored Now & Laters for Thanksgiving. — DMX

Yet that is considered an excellent school, and I dare say it would be if the benighted lady did not think it necessary to cram her pupils like Thanksgiving turkeys, instead of feeding them in a natural and wholesome way. It is the fault with most American schools, and the poor little heads will go on aching till we learn better. — Louisa May Alcott

Do you realize that if the pilgrims have been chasing bobcats instead of turkeys.. we'd all be eating pussy on Thanksgiving?! — Redd Foxx

Love iz a big fat turkey and every day iz thanksgiving — Charles Bukowski

Save a life this Thanksgiving, and join me in starting a new tradition by adopting a turkey instead of eating one through Farm Sanctuary's Adopt-A-Turkey Project. — Ellen DeGeneres

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing — George Carlin

It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status. — Russell Baker

Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving. — Mike Connolly

A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry-that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three Mile Island. — Johnny Carson

In Boston one day, she had an unusual experience. While Papa and Auntie Hoyt waited out of sight somewhere, she had to go by herself into a large room in a department store and listen to someone dressed like Santa Claus read a Christmas story and "Twas the Night Before Christmas. This seemed odd to her for at Thanksgiving time, she was not ready for Santa Claus. In Cranbury they got through the turkeys and the pumpkins and the Pilgrims before they brought out the Santa Clauses. She was quite relieved when the whole occasion was over. — Eleanor Estes

It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it. — Alistair Cooke

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. — Phyllis Diller

Detente - isn't that what a farmer has with his turkey - until Thanksgiving? — Ronald Reagan

May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs! — Grandpa Jones

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc. — Bo Burnham

The arrogance of the young is a direct result of not having known enough consequences. The turkey that every day greedily approaches the farmer who tosses him grain is not wrong. It is just that no one ever told him about Thanksgiving. — Harry Golden

My mother is a great hunter - she usually shoots our Thanksgiving turkey. — Kirsten Gillibrand

Turkeys are misunderstood. Once I adopted turkeys, I understood this large bird to be a great companion. — Linda Blair

I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow. — Rita Rudner

I've been giving back since I was a teen, handing out turkeys at Thanksgiving and handing out toys at toys drives for Christmas. It's very important to give back as a youth. It's as simple as helping an old lady across the street or giving up your seat on the bus for someone who is pregnant. — Queen Latifah

The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, I don't need a pardon. I need a job.' — Conan O'Brien

Radical historians now the tell the story of Thanksgiving from the point of view of the turkey. — Mason Cooley

I like to stuff myself at Thanksgiving, not turkeys. — Kevin Nealon

Thanksgiving is coming. I wonder what the holiday will be like at Dog the Bounty Hunter's house - obviously, they'll have a turkey with all-white meat. — Chelsea Handler

I really like Thanksgiving turkey ... it does not take only time in Houston that you look at natural breasts. — Arnold Schwarzenegger

THANKSGIVING DAY. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji. — Mark Twain

I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-f**ked in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right. — Greg Behrendt

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.' — Mitch Hedberg

On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves. — George Carlin