Top Seinfeld Quotes & Sayings

SHUT UP," Carot Top say, the cocane now taking effect. "This isnt Poetry 101. People want to laugh. Your suposed to be a 'King' of Prop Comedy. But youve been acting more like a jester of prop comedy. — Seinfeld 2000

The best friend of a blind Us is a nemesis Us - Them. Nothing unites Us like a collectively hated anti-Us, and the blind tribe is usually defined almost as much by hating the dogma of Them as it is by abiding by the dogma of Us. Whatever — Tim Urban

You would rail against God, since He was keeping you from consummating your love. I would send smoke signals from my pit of brimstone - love letters that smelled like sulfur and made you choke. — Supervert

Minds are in the business of turning history into something smooth and linear, which makes us underestimate randomness. But when we see it, we fear it and overreact. Because of this fear and thirst for order, some human systems, by disrupting the invisible or not so visible logic of things, tend to be exposed to harm from Black Swans and almost never get any benefit. You get pseudo-order when you seek order; you only get a measure of order and control when you embrace randomness. — Nassim Nicholas Taleb

I've never really understood why people sleep. Wasting a third of your life and becoming vulnerable for almost 8 hours every night. Doesn't seem very appealing to me. — Banksy

O God, whose glory it is always to have mercy: be gracious to all who have gone astray from Thy ways, and bring them again with penitent hearts and steadfast faith to embrace and hold fast the unchangeable truth of Thy Word, Jesus Christ Thy Son; who with Thee and the Holy Spirit liveth and reigneth, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. - BOOK OF COMMON PRAYER — David P. Gushee

Only if you are possible, everything will be possible. — Santosh Kalwar

The greatest player in the world. Ronaldinho? Absolutely. I just can't get enough of watching him play - he's a delight for the eye. His technique is incredible, his touch, his vision, he scores and he orchestrates everything. He's just the complete player. I know how difficult it is for a forward playing at this level, but for him it's so easy. He does it every single game and it's just unbelievable to watch. — Ruud Van Nistelrooy

I like characters who remind me of someone I know. — Mia Wasikowska

Instead, our system of "corrections" is about arm's-length revenge and retribution, all day and all night. Then its overseers wonder why people leave prison more broken than when they went in. V — Piper Kerman

To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there is a problem the lawyer is the only person who has read the inside of the top of the box. — Jerry Seinfeld

In my family, there was one parent you asked for money and the other for permission to do things. You could never get both out of one parent. — Julianne Moore

Josh: Just because you're not looking for something doesn't mean you won't find it.
Sean: Well, aren't you quite the fucking fortune cookie. — Shannon Stacey

Life is unjust, people can be cruel, and yet if you harden your heart, you will lose what little love there is in this world. — Rita Mae Brown

Having a 2 year old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for. — Jerry Seinfeld

Then, finally, the third year, begging the parents, I got the Superman Halloween costume. Cardboard box, self-made top, mask included. Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with. — Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. — Jerry Seinfeld

Hate nobody; love everybody. It won't cost you anything. Love never costs anything. Love is the most selfish act. It gives you so much protection, grace, and radiance. It doesn't give you any smallness or suffering. The attitude of conscious living is to love and give grace to someone worthy of your trust. Do not seek anything from people. Give love instead, and rely on God. — Harbhajan Singh Yogi