Quotes & Sayings About Toilets

I think drugs played a big role in the Taboo scene. People were taking copious amounts of ecstasy, which had filtered over from New York, and at a certain point you were more likely to spend most of the night in the toilets at the club. — Boy George

I cleaned toilets and shined shoes. — Rick Santorum

My name is only an anagram of toilets. — T. S. Eliot

Public toilets have a duty to be accessible, poetry does not. — Geoffrey Hill

I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper. — Jerry Lawler

To tell a group of adolescents who already know how to speak and write that that is the purpose of grammar is like telling someone that they need to read a history of toilets through the ages in order to pee and poop. — Muriel Barbery

[Americans] can't understand that the water in our toilet is cleaner than 880 million have access to. — Matt Damon

I talk about freedom from the Rat Race, and they focus on toilets. That is the thought pattern that keeps most people poor. They criticize instead of analyze. — Robert T. Kiyosaki

I did an internship at the Ardent theatre company in Philly after dropping out of college. I was earning $165 a week building sets and cleaning the toilets. Cleaning toilets is a good way of getting in touch with your creativity. That's when you find out if you got anything going on in your head. — Jill Scott

Getting fired can produce a particularly bountiful payday for a CEO. Indeed, he can 'earn' more in that single day, while cleaning out his desk, than an American worker earns in a lifetime of cleaning toilets. Forget the old maxim about nothing succeeding like success: Today, in the executive suite, the all-too-prevalent rule is that nothing succeeds like failure. — Warren Buffett

The train resembles the Soviet type and is quite comfortable, but all socialist structures I have ever encountered have toilets stemming from a single model engineered by the Orthodox Church in Tsarist Russia to ensure that man never be allowed to forget the corruption of the flesh. — Arthur Miller

Where do you get lumpy tiles? Well, of course, you don't. But I get a lot of toilets, and so you just dispatch a toilet with a hammer, and then you have lumpy tiles. — Dan Phillips

I can install toilets. I know all about the wax ring. I can tile floors. I'm learning how to do basic wiring. — Sandra Bullock

from the head honcho to the person who scraped shit from the toilets. He always saw the individual person rather than the job. There were only two types of people that mattered for Tom. Good guys and wanks. That was the only measure he took of anyone. — Mark Wilson

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. — Dov Davidoff

An OBE is what you get if you clean the toilets well at King's Cross station. — Michael Winner

That's right," Holly had said. "I bet there were, but I bet they didn't work as well as a plastic bag," and then she turned the radio on to NPR, where some popular musician Holly had never heard of was being interviewed at length about his influences, which included, but were not limited to, the sound of ticking clocks and flushing toilets. — Laura Kasischke

People can deal with almost anything when their toilets flush. — Lana Krumwiede

I was lookin' high an' low for them Reds everywhere, I was lookin' in the sink an' underneath the chair. I looked way up my chimney hole, I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl. — Bob Dylan

I still have a fondness for books. Many a time I will be antiquing, and I'll say, 'What's that old-timey curio over there? What is that, a candlestick telephone, one of those old pull-chain toilets? Oh no, it's a book. I used to help make those things! I will buy it and use it to decorate my chain of casual family-dining restaurants. — John Hodgman

I had made this mistake once before, on a school trip to the Victoria and Albert Museum, when I followed a sign marked WOMEN, thinking it was an exhibition on the changing roles of women in society, and actually ended up standing in the ladies' toilets. — David Nicholls

Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective. — Shaquille O'Neal

I won't eat in a restaurant with filthy bathrooms. This isn't a hard call. They let you see the bathrooms. If the restaurant can't be bothered to replace the puck in the urinal or keep the toilets and floors clean, then just imagine what their refrigeration and work spaces look like. — Anthony Bourdain

Casey rested his forehead on his hands and began to recite his list of get-rid-of-my-erection-now things. "Wrinkly old testicles with masses of gray hair. Applying hemorrhoid cream. Rotten eggs broken in the house. Tennis shoes that haven't been washed for years. Moldy cabbage. Three-day-old roadkill. Toilets that don't flush properly. Accidentally using sports rub for lubricant. — Renae Kaye

Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat. — J.D. Salinger

Wow." She reached for a black pillow decorated with a big sparkly skull and hugged it. "So romantic."
I made a face, because who the hell wanted to be a romantic? Then I couldn't look past the skull pillow. "Tell me something, sis. Why do we have to make skulls cute? Some things shouldn't be messed with. Guns, for example. Toilets ... toilet paper ... guns ... They should just stay functional. Sparkle-free."
She rolled her eyes. "Please. If I had a bedazzled toilet, I'd love it and so would you. Don't even try to deny it. You'd love a fancy can."
I did deny it, which led to a healthy debate. — Veronica Rossi

Museums just seem to have this borrowed cachet - if I want to seem cultural, I will design something cultural. I resist the idea that culture is only opera houses or theatres. Culture is your entire life around you: toilets, the bus, the kerb or the dump where you drag your waste. Culture has come to mean the arts, but it's swimming pools as well. — Thomas Heatherwick

Tonight the city is full of morgues, and all the toilets are overflowing. There's shopping malls coming out of the walls, as we walk out among the manure. That's why I pay no mind. — Beck

I'd grown up thinking that a [sanitary toilet] was my right, when in fact it's a privilege - 2.5 billion people worldwide have no adequate toilet. — Rose George

This. I live in this place, make porridge, scrub toilets, do laundry, and for days, weeks, I am brave and I do get out of bed and I think on this. I study this, the full life, the being fully ready for the end. I start to think that maybe there is a way out of nightmares to dreams? Maybe? — Ann Voskamp

Lean Pockets, I don't even wanna know what's in those. I wonder what the directions are on a box of Lean Pockets: 'Remove from box, place directly in toilet.' Flush Pocket! — Jim Gaffigan

The reason is that even in a fantasy there is nothing even remotely erotic about a toilet bowl. In fact, considered as an accoutrement to a sexual encounter, a toilet bowl is a real cold shower. — Helen DeWitt

An airplane crossed the sky, and she imagined its interior-people packed in rows like eggs in a carton, the chemical smell of the toilets, pretzels in foil pouches, cans hiss-popping open, black oval of night sky embedded in the rattling walls. How strange that something so drab, so confined, so stifling with sour exhalations and the fumes of indifferent machinery might be mistaken for a star. — Maggie Shipstead

Growing up, I had a front row seat to seeing two people work really hard. My dad scrubbed toilets at a private Catholic school for a while, and that was to help me get through school. — Mia Love

He glanced over to the stage, where a nearly naked woman gyrated lifelessly around the pole. She could've been cleaning toilets for all the enthusiasm she showed. — Joanna Wylde

All lives have equal value. And so you say, 'why do poor children die when other children don't? Why do some people have enough nutrition or reasonable toilets and other people don't?' So those basic needs that, through innovation, actually it's very affordable to bring them ... to everyone. — Bill Gates

Time kept on and on like the cheapest toilet paper. — Porochista Khakpour

Nobody should have to clean up what goes on around the base of most toilets. — T. Cooper

If all you do is talk crap, I'll just flush the toilet. — Behdad Sami

Sometimes I regret going into that public toilet with your father.'
'Then practice safe sex, Mama!!'
'We were! There was a fight in the bar and we took cover in the public toilets!! — Jonathan Dunne

We were called The Toilets originally - we were flushed with success. — Mike Peters

Le Tub is a Miami oceanside restaurant that uses old bath tubs and toilets as decoration. If you're really lucky, you get a table by the water where you can see the manatees as they swim by. Someone once told me that it was one of Oprah's favorite restaurants, but seriously, Oprah has a lot of favorite things--it all sounds like lies at this point. — Tarryn Fisher

I always have my best thoughts on the toilet. — Charlie Day

We have scarcely gotten home ... when our children's sneezes greet us, skinned knees bleed after waiting all day to do so. There is the bellyache and the burned-out basement bulb, the stalled car and the incontinent cat. The windows frost, the toilets sweat, the body of our spouse is one cold shoulder and the darkness of our bedroom is soon full of the fallen shadows of our failures. — William H Gass

I wrote my first book in a toilet in a factory where I was a floor sweeper. — Geoff Thompson

He then asked he president to stop funding wells and toilets and use the money to buy grain. (Because really, how can you use a toilet if you never eat?) — William Kamkwamba

(Currently, we count ourselves fortunate to have functional toilets. I don't know what your living conditions are at Lattimore - tidy and sterile, I suspect - but here, given a construction project initiated on behalf of our Economics faculty, who Must Be Kept Comfortable at All Times, we are alternately frozen and nearly smoked, via pestilent fumes, out of our building. Between the construction dust and the radiators emitting erratic bursts of steam heat, the intrepid faculty members who have remained in their offices over the winter break are humid with sweat and dusted with ash and resemble two-legged cutlets dredged in flour.) — Julie Schumacher

Clean water is only as far away as the nearest tap, and there are taps everywhere. There's a faucet everywhere. But the reality is, the water in our toilets is cleaner than the water that most people are drinking. — Matt Damon

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time. — Bob Monkhouse

The only thing I use the Rolling Stone for is toilet paper when I run out. — Neal Schon

Percy: I'll walk down to the cabins and Connor and Travis are stealing stuff from the camp store, and Silena is arguing with Annabeth trying to give her a new makeover, and Clarisse is still sticking the new kids' head into the toilets. It's nice that some things never change. — Rick Riordan

She remembered Scott saying that people shouldn't be allowed houses with more than two toilets to shit in, it gives them delusions of grandeur. — Stephen King

I have requested the corporates to evolve plans under corporate social responsibility to build clean toilets specially for girl students in schools. India should learn from foreign countries, where people are disciplined and do not litter in public places. — Narendra Modi

Did you ever notice that America is shaped like one big, giant toilet bowl? — Bret Hart

The Abominable Snowman has arrived," he said to Milo. "If I'm not as clean as most abominable snowmen are, it is because I was kidnapped as a child from the slopes of Mount Everest, and taken as a slave to a bordello in Rio de Janeiro, where I have been cleaning the unspeakably filthy toilets for the past fifty years. A visitor to our whipping room there screamed in a transport of agony and ecstasy that there was to be an arts festival in Midland City. I escaped down a rope of sheets taken from a reeking hamper. I have come to Midland City to have myself acknowledged, before I die, as the great artist I believe myself to be. — Kurt Vonnegut

The tiny space, the toilet, two hundred strangers just a few inches away, it's so exciting, the lack of room to maneuver, it helps if you're double-jointed. Use your imagination. Some creativity and a few simple stretching exercises and you can be knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door. You'll be amazed how time flies. — Chuck Palahniuk

As education and employment secretary in 1997, I inherited hundreds of schools where the roofs leaked, the windows rattled, and they relied entirely on outside toilets. — David Blunkett

I wouldn't go in a fast food outlet even to use the toilet. — Jonny Wilkinson

People don't want to hear about me having leather walls or gold toilets. — Kevin Hart

I have been asked so many times why I live a green life, why water conservation, why getting wells in places, why work with water organizations, why conserve water at home with double-flush toilets, why I tell my daughters, "Turn off the tap" so much. Sometimes I want to say, "I wish I knew the answer." My answer really is: I don't understand why everyone doesn't feel this way. — Alysia Reiner

I'd made water shoot out of the bathroom fixtures. I didn't understand how. But the toilets responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing. — Rick Riordan

I'd rather clean my toilet than go to a show-business party. — Shania Twain

But now that I'm scrubbing
toilets on my hands & knees,
with four degrees,
I realize that one escape route
leads to another — Phil Volatile

My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up. — Jessica Hahn

No one goes to the toilet in novels. You'd think none of us had bladders. — Germaine Greer

The bearded creatures are quite as eager for praise, quite as finikin over their toilets, quite as proud of their personal advantages, quite as conscious of their powers of fascination, as any coquette in the world. — William Makepeace Thackeray

They loved him, or loved the thought of him, what they thought he was: a man who could easily have had a good life who chose instead their life: spite and bitterness and age-fogged glasses of watery whiskey in dark, cobwebbed country bars, shit-smeared toilets, blood-streaked piss, and early death. He could have helped it but didn't. They couldn't help it and loved him for being worse than them. He was the king of the wasters. — Donal Ryan

When you say you're not a feminist, if feminism hadn't existed, and you didn't live in a feminist world, you wouldn't be saying that, because you'd be too busy scrubbing out the toilets in back while cooking up your husband's tea and dying in childbirth at the age of 34. — Caitlin Moran

She used my toothbrush to clean the toilet. — The Notorious B.I.G.

So if he'd been a plumber, _ _ would've been about toilets?
Left blank to avoid spoilers but this is just too funny — Jeri Smith-Ready

There are some things people see in toilets that they wish they hadn't. What Trevor Hawkins sees might even cost him his life. — Rob Johnson

Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he's the pilot. — Cynthia Heimel

Darling Daddy,
Poor Saffy. She had a big fight in the boys toilets on Monday, did you know? A very big fight and Sarah helped and it was terrifying. Said a boy in my class who has a brother who was there.
Saffy washed her hands and said Never Ever Never Dare You Touch My Brother. (Indigo). And the plug holes were blocked with hair.
Love from Rose.
-Sarah's mother has given us soup. Soup soup soup and then it was all gone.
L.F.R. — Hilary McKay

Almost 4.25 lakh toilets were built in 2.62 schools nationwide in one year; this gives self-confidence that we can do what we want. — Narendra Modi

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler. — David Feherty

The Australian backyard was once built for tradesmen and outdoor toilets. As suburbs spread, it became a playground and source of pride ... — Pete Munro

When we got together we would start projects: an alarm clock torn apart and distributed over a wall, a stop-motion video of Lego people having sex, a Web site for pictures of toilets. — Ned Vizzini

I must break out ...
... start a new life ...
been here for years ...
might be getting into a rut ...
something a bit more exciting ...
more adventurous ...
something with more of a challenge ...
There's not much opportunity for self-advancement in toilets ... — Raymond Briggs

Why do I continue making movies? Making movies is better than cleaning toilets. — Klaus Kinski

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular piece of mine,
shred it, and flush it down the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes. — James Dickey

Schools across India do not have teachers, libraries, playing grounds and even toilets. I do not want to see empty classrooms, empty libraries. I do not want to see cattle grazing on fields meant to be cricket or football grounds. — Sachin Tendulkar

The games haven't even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets don't flush. The faucets spew discolored water. They say it's like being on a Royal Caribbean cruise. — Jay Leno

The chili I ate made for an explosive bathroom experience. I don't know how to put this delicately, but I missed the toilet entirely. — Seth Green

I'd find it demeaning to be cleaning toilets. — Jack Kevorkian

Yes, there was racism, but there was also classism. You're a high-powered corporate attorney. You've spent most of your life reviewing contracts, brokering deals, talking on the phone. That's what you're good at, that's what made you rich and what allowed you to hire a plumber to fix your toilet, which allowed you to keep talking on the phone. The more work you do, the more money you make, the more peons you hire to free you up to make more money. That's the way the world works. But one day it doesn't. No one needs a contract reviewed or a deal brokered. What it does need is toilets fixed. And suddenly that peon is your teacher, maybe even your boss. For some, this was scarier than the living dead. — Max Brooks

People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need. — Billy Connolly

We once installed a $1.49 trap in a woman's toilet and she never had ghost problems again. — Jason Hawes

Today Americans living below the poverty line are not just light-years ahead of most Africans; they're light-years ahead of the wealthiest Americans from just a century ago. Today 99 percent of Americans living below the poverty line have electricity, water, flushing toilets, and a refrigerator; 95 percent have a television; 88 percent have a telephone; 71 percent have a car; and 70 percent even have air-conditioning. This may not seem like much, but one hundred years ago men like Henry Ford and Cornelius Vanderbilt were among the richest on the planet, but they enjoyed few of these luxuries. — Peter H. Diamandis

I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die. — Woody Allen

You can't tell what's aboard a container ship. We carried every kind of cargo, all of it on view: a police car, penicillin, Johnnie Walker Red, toilets, handguns, lumber, Ping-Pong balls, and IBM data cards. — Christopher Buckley

In a way, both the U.S. media and those wacky rioters in the Afghan-Pakistani hinterlands are very similar, two highly parochial and monumentally self-absorbed tribes living in isolation from the rest of the world and prone to fanatical irrational indestructible beliefs - not least the notion that you can flush a 950-page book down one of Al Gore's eco-crazed federally mandated low-flush toilets, a claim no editorial bigfoot thought to test for himself in Newsweek's executive washroom. — Mark Steyn

It was a Friday morning, and Walmart was populated only by the occasional mom with very young children and the random senior citizen, which made my bathroom makeover less conspicuous. Only one woman came in while I stood in front of the mirror, and she went straight to the toilets. I made sure that when she came out I was no longer standing in front of the mirror but was huddled with my palms stretched out beneath a loud hand dryer, my face completely averted. No one expects to see a celebrity in their local Walmart bathroom. Most of us don't really look at each other anyway. Our eyes glance off without really registering what we're seeing. It's human nature. It's polite society. Ignore each other unless someone is grotesquely fat or immodestly dressed or disfigured in some way - and then we pretend not to see, but we see everything. I was none of those things, and so far human nature was working in my favor. — Amy Harmon

You act like getting pregnant is a disease you can catch from public toilets. — Rainbow Rowell

I will go to the Opening of Anything, including a Toilet Seat — Andy Warhol

He's going to die." I understood later on that you can't think that way. I cried in the bathroom. None of the mothers cry in the hospital rooms. They cry in the toilets, the baths. I come back cheerful: "Your cheeks are red. You're getting better." "Mom, take me out of the hospital. I'm going to die here. Everyone here dies." Now where am I going to cry? In the bathroom? There's a line for the bathroom - everyone like me is in that line. — Svetlana Alexievich

Is it possible that my sons-in-law will do toilets? If we raise boys to know that diapers need to be changed and refrigerators need to be cleaned, there's hope for the next generation. — Anne Roiphe

I've always thought that the President could do so much here to help change images. If the President would go into a public bathroom in the Capitol, and have the TV cameras film him cleaning the toilets and saying 'Why not? Somebody's got to do it!' then that would do so much for the morale of the people who do the wonderful job of keeping the toilets clean. I mean, it is a wonderful thing that they're doing. — Andy Warhol

Either a municipal bog is a private place or it isn't. If it is a private place in which to shit, how is it not a private place in which to fellate? — Stephen Fry

Let me speak frankly: separate but equal is a fraud. It is the language that tried to push Rosa Parks to the back of the bus. It is the motif that determined that black and white people could not possibly drink from the same water fountain, eat at the same table or use the same toilets. — David Lammy

Trout said this about all the stories he had torn to pieces and flushed down toilets or tossed into trash-strewn vacant lots, or whatever: 'Easy come, easy go. — Kurt Vonnegut