Toilet Guy Quotes & Sayings

Lee smiled. "If I were a guy ... nothing makes sense until I climax."
"Hallelujah!" Dean exclaimed.
Theresa feigned a more feminized tone. "Oh my God! That is good. That is so good! You guys are senseless until you climax."
"Amen to that," Brenda said.
Lee got the heart shot.
Dean turned to Brenda. "What you got?"
Brenda smiled, held his eyes. "If I were a guy ... too much testosterone will probably make me dumb."
The others laughed.
Brenda got her shot.
"Lyn," I called and turned to her with a smile.
Lyn smiled. "If I were a guy ... I'll put the toilet sit down and flip it back up again just to get the last drop out. — Dew Platt

I'm a guy. I pee and I miss the toilet. I take shits. I eat cheeseburgers. I watch baseball and drink beer. — Jasinda Wilder

Well. He's a very sensitive boy. He's really never been a terribly good mixer with other boys ... '
Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a goddamn toilet seat. — J.D. Salinger

Do you remember that scene in Airplane! where the guy with the flags is waving a jet into its gate, then someone asks him where the bathrooms are, so he begins gesturing in the other direction?"

"So the jet crashes into the airport. Yes."

"That's how it is, with him. I think I'm getting these signals, you know, and it turns out he's just looking for the toilet. — Rebecca Flowers

Reform Judaism is like mock turtle soup-turtle soup without the turtle — Heinrich Heine

Bad manners does not mean they make bad company. — Kelly R. Michaels

It needs to be said. I didn't have the strongest stomach. I wasn't the type of guy who could hold your hair while you puked and not be affected. Did that make me the worst possible boyfriend ever? Maybe. It's entirely possible I'd throw you a towel and run out of the room gagging. I know it's romantic to women - oh, my gosh, he's so sweet he held my hair while I puked up last night's hot dog and enough rum and Diet Coke to kill Captain Jack Sparrow! Seriously? What do you women read? How the hell is that romantic? Give me one reason. One. Just one. I don't even need three. Oh, wow, silence, big shock. You wanna know why? Because it's gross. Because if I had long hair and I were leaning over the toilet, God, you would not, ever, in your right mind waltz into the bathroom, put it in a ponytail, rub my back, wipe my mouth, and think, Wow, I really love this guy, oh, look a cracker! — Rachel Van Dyken

Baby, groaned the guy-Ted? Tad?-something like that-and crushed his lips against the side of her neck, shoving her face against the wall of the toilet stall. — Jennifer Weiner

I strive for authenticity even though it brings with it vulnerability and the inevitable judgment of others. — L.R.W. Lee

When you're sick and dying, the ego is and should be the first thing to go. I know there're gurus who teach people how to release the ego, to conquer the ego. I get it now, but I didn't back when I was healthy. It's moot now. The guy who falls off the toilet and knocks himself out no longer has an ego. — J.R. Rain

Remember the stone in her fist. Michael — Joe Hill

Lindsey imagined him looking like a model in his business clothes, shopping for toilet parts for her. Perfect. What girl wouldn't want a smokin' hot guy associating her with toilet parts? — Tracy March

How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of a towel? You can have a little belt that goes around. You could dunk the belt in the toilet! Have a toilet belt.' — Jim Gaffigan

Dealing with another human being on an intimate level is an exercise that is inherently fraught with difficulties. All human beings have good and bad traits/habits--no one is perfect. Even the most wonderful, "perfect for you" guy is going to do things that annoy you to no end, like leaving the toilet seat up, farting in bed, or conveniently forgetting how to put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder after using the last of it. That's life, people. — Zofie Kae

Can you imagine a guy breaking into your car, and he steals your guitar case 'cause he thinks it's a guitar, and he gets it home and opens it up and there's a rake inside it, an electric toilet plunger and a dog skull? That actually happened. — Eugene Chadbourne

We had doubles for some of the stuff but a lot of it had to do with there's certain hours that you can dive and then you can't dive for another certain, like 12 hours just for the air and stuff. — Ashley Scott

I did just make an arse out of myself though. I bumped into the hottest guy I've ever seen in the toilet and just stared at him like some kind of moron. Think David Gandy but younger. — Nicola Haken

Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat. — J.D. Salinger

People think they want pleasure, recognition, popularity, status, and power, but the pursuit of these things leads to emptiness, delusion, and foolishness. God — Kenneth D. Boa

It's going to seem idiotic to say this, but I think that at a given moment we all need a place to ourselves where we can refuge ourselves and cut ourselves off from the world. — Milla Jovovich

This guy was making me tired. "Thanks for the afternoon's entertainment," I said. "I'll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days. — John Swartzwelder

I said a silent prayer. Actually, silent is probably the only type of prayer a guy should attempt when his head's in a toilet. — Andrew Smith

He cupped her face and held her still, as he looked into her brown eyes; she was all flash and no bang. She talked big, but when it came down to it, she was a simple girl. — Elaine White

The organic produce guy, a young man who'd left Brooklyn in order to minimize his carbon footprint and consume only things he could make or grow himself. This had come to involve ... going toilet-paper free the year before, and making his wife use discarded athletic socks for her monthly cycle.'That poor girl!' said Sylvie, privately resolving to figure out where the young woman was living and anonymously deliver some tampons, the really bad kind, with non biodegradable plastic applicators. — Jennifer Weiner

Make sure your bathroom is clean. If you're having a girl over the house for the first time, make sure your toilet is clean, not disgusting. Guys' bathrooms are always the most disgusting thing. — Carly Aquilino

From the outside looking in, trying to decipher Google's search algorithms is like reading tea leaves in a toilet bowl ... as it's flushing. With the lights off. — Guy Kawasaki

He was the first guy to find toilet paper in my butt. — Hilary Winston

Maybe they're getting some bow-chicka-pow-wow."
I looked at him. "Ew."
He flashed his teeth. "She's definitely not my type." His gaze dropped to my lips, and parts of me quivered in response to the heat in his gaze. "But now I totally have that on my mind."
I was breathless. "You're a dog."
"If you pet me, I'll - "
"Don't even finish that sentence," I said, fighting a grin. — Jennifer L. Armentrout