Theonion Quotes & Sayings

have been released since Fifty — Various

I guess my favorite Web site would be theonion. I used to read that paper all the time in New York, and it still cracks me up. It's actually my homepage on my computer. — Reid Scott

Jeez, what did he think I was, a lust demon? I wanted Logan to show me how to use his sword, not show me how to use his man sword. — Cara Lynn Shultz

And as for social justice, if social is supposed to be opposed to individual, then social justice is by definition unjust. The — Ben Shapiro

I've realized that a lot of people go to see film or theater with a different expectation. I have a friend who's an actor and I can't stand watching movies with him because he never quite allows himself to just watch the story. He'll comment on the lighting, he'll comment on the [camera] angle. I'm not saying there's a wrong way to watch it - maybe that's helpful to him - but to me, you're getting way too caught up in the technical aspects. — Condola Rashad

The first item was fighting under the name 'Crostini of Mealed Tarroce, with Benatore Potatoes' and weighed in at an impressive twelve pounds sixty-five. The Ralph Lauren blonde came over and asked me if I needed any help with the menu, and I asked her to explain what potatoes were. She didn't laugh. — Hugh Laurie

To my surprise, it was a place where my thoughts were the most lucid. I wasn't bogged down in random trivial details or the luxury of time-consuming over-analysis. This place forced you to live because at any moment, life could be lost. Ramadi forced me to die unto myself. — M.B. Dallocchio