The Sorting Hat Quotes & Sayings

How do you prevent a little sociopath from becoming a big, full-blown sociopath? Sit on him. — John Rosemond

They always say the Miss America Pageant isn't a beauty contest, it's really a scholarship program. If that's the case, why don't we just put all the contestants on Jeopardy! and pick Miss America that way? At least you get the smartest one. — Jay Leno

I've done this job for centuries On every student's head I've sat Of thoughts I take inventories For I'm the famous Sorting Hat I've sorted high, I've sorted low, I've done the job through thick and thin So put me on and you will know Which House you should be in — J.K. Rowling

A lot of times, when you have a disability, one of the things you deal with is other people's projections of what your experience is and their fear about it, and not seeing the experience you're having. There's nothing horrifying about [Parkinson's disease] to me. It is what I deal with. It is my reality and my life, but it's not horrible. — Michael J. Fox

Sometimes the church talks about singleness as if it were similar to being chosen for Hufflepuff by the Magic Sorting Hat in Harry Potter. The good news is that you still are at Hogwarts, but the bad news is that pretty much everyone else there will avoid you and make it clear they feel sad for you and would never, ever want to be you. — Sammy Rhodes

SORTING HAT: "Albus Potter."
He puts his hat on Albus's head - and this time he seems to take longer - almost as if he too is confused.
"SLYTHERIN!"
There's a silence.
A perfect, profound silence.
One that sits low, twists a bit, and has damage within it. — J.K. Rowling

I am not opposed to the white race as charged by my enemies. I have no time to hate any one. All my time is devoted to the up-building and development of the Negro Race. — Marcus Garvey

You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true,
And unafraid of toil. — J.K. Rowling

When I pass my name in such large letters I blush, but at the same time instinctively raise my hat. — Herbert Beerbohm Tree

But if it matters to you, you'll be able to choose Gryffindor over Slytherin. The Sorting Hat takes your choice into account."
"Really?"
"It did for me," said Harry.
He had never told any of his children that before, and he saw the wonder in Albus's face when he said it. — J.K. Rowling

The Sorting Hat is notorious for refusing to admit it has made a mistake in its sorting of a student. On those occasions when Slytherins behave altruistically or selflessly, when Ravenclaws flunk all their exams, when Hufflepuffs prove lazy yet academically gifted and when Gryffindors exhibit cowardice, the Hat steadfastly backs its original decision. On balance, however, the Hat has made remarkably few errors of judgement over the many centuries it has been at work. — J.K. Rowling

You, and you alone, have reported this mysterious sense of doom. You, and you alone, are a chaos magnet the likes of which I have never seen. After our little shopping trip to Diagon Alley, and then the Sorting Hat, and then today's little episode, I can well foresee that I am fated to sit in the Headmaster's office and hear some hilarious tale about Professor Quirrell in which you and you alone play a starring role, after which there will be no choice but to fire him. I am already resigned to it, Mr. Potter. And if this sad event takes place any earlier than the Ides of May, I will string you up by the gates of Hogwarts with your own intestines and pour fire beetles into your nose. Now do you understand me completely? — Eliezer Yudkowsky

And then Harry Potter had launched in to a speech that was inspiring, yet vague. A speech to the effect that Fred and George and Lee had tremendous potential if they could just learn to be weirder. To make people's live surreal, instead of just surprising them with the equivalents of buckets of water propped above doors. (Fred and George had exchanged interested looks, they'd never thought of that one.) Harry Potter had invoked a picture of the prank they'd pulled on Neville - which, Harry had mentioned with some remorse, the Sorting Hat had chewed him out on - but which must have made Neville doubt his own sanity. For Neville it would have felt like being suddendly transported into an alternate universe. The same way everyone else had felt when they'd seen Snape apologize. That was the true power of pranking. — Eliezer Yudkowsky

The best friend is he that, when he wishes a person's good, wishes it for that person's own sake. — Aristotle.

The Government as Substitute Husband did for women what labor unions still have not accomplished for men. And men pay dues for labor unions; the taxpayer pays the dues for feminism. Feminism and government soon become taxpayer-supported women's unions. — Warren Farrell

Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart! — J.K. Rowling

Don't let your life be steered by your reluctance to do a little extra thinking. — Eliezer Yudkowsky

The holy book is implanted in the hearts and minds of all the Muslims. Humiliation of the holy book represents the humiliation of our people. — Hamid Karzai

Minerva drew unusual attention to herself on her very first evening, when she was revealed to be a Hatstall. After five and a half minutes, the Sorting Hat, which had been vacillating between the houses of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, placed Minerva in the latter. (In later years, this circumstance was a subject of gentle humour between Minerva and her colleague Filius Flitwick, over whom the Sorting Hat suffered the same confusion, but reached the opposite conclusion. The two Heads of House were amused to think that they might, but for those crucial moments in their youths, have exchanged positions). — J.K. Rowling

When I'm doing more than one movie because it makes one not the end of the world. It makes me feel like, "Okay, I won. I had a victory on this one, today. And I lost on this one, today." I can keep going back-and-forth. — Jon M. Chu

This was another subject of criticism. She was being paid, as I recall, during the 1940's, what was then a princely sum, something like a dollar a word. I don't say that for the column, but for articles that she would write and things like that. And she made lots of speeches. — William A. Rusher

Connor and Rose would belong to the smartest house in the wizarding world. No question. Before the sorting hat even touched their heads, it'd scream Ravenclaw! — Krista Ritchie

If you can't hear a language, then you are at a severe disadvantage when you're trying to learn it. — Ron Gullekson

The First Amendment, he explained, exposed tolerance as a sham, because tolerance implies one superior group of people deigning to put up with their inferiors. "It is now no more that toleration is spoken of as if it were the indulgence of one class of people that another enjoyed the exercise of their inherent natural rights," Washington wrote. "For, happily, the Government of the United States . . . gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance." Of — Sarah Vowell