Texas Funny Quotes & Sayings

This is America. We're entitled to our opinions."
"Wrong. This is Texas. And my opinion is the only one that counts. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption. — James Thurber

Joaquin Jackson's frank and colorful account of his long career as a modern-day Texas Ranger thrills like an action novel, yet the stories are true, sometimes funny, sometimes tragic, but always gripping. I could hardly put the book down ... The writing is superb. — Elmer Kelton

I feel like I've been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit — Ann Everett

'A Tuna Christmas' is the second in a series of plays created by Joe Sears and Jaston Williams featuring the fictional town of Greater Tuna, the third-smallest town in Texas. What makes these plays so hysterically funny is the accurate portrayal of small-town life in the Lone Star State. — Lori Wilde

So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. — Joseph Bologna

Passion. It can be used to describe the beauty of an earth-shaking meeting between two people, but it isn't just that. It's there in the excitement of the unexpected, in the desire to do something with real fervour, in the certainty that one is going to realise a dream. Passion sends us signals that guide us through our lives. — Paulo Coelho

Really, just looking around, you feel a twinge of pity for the poor souls who succeeded in getting past the Pearly Gates. One can't help but picture the lackluster VIP lounge in Heaven, a kind of nonalcoholic ice-cream social starring Harriet Beecher Stowe and Mahatma Gandhi. Hardly anyone's idea of a "with-it" social register. — Chuck Palahniuk

I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it. — Mitch Hedberg

Dr. Freeman said she couldn't have children. Christ, I'll never touch her again."
"You'll touch her," Houston said.
Dallas looked up, determination etched deeply in the lines of his face.
"No, I won't."
"Yes, you will. One night, she'll curl up against you, all innocent-like - " Compassion, understanding, and a wealth of sympathy filled Houston's gaze. "You'll touch her. — Lorraine Heath

If there is any emergence of a fourth party in British politics, it is the task of the Liberal Party to strangle it at birth. — Cyril Smith

Now ... what I feel these in my brain is just like ... some kind of foreign body ... like having a very thin little eyelash in your eye. You feel generally okay, but that eye with the last in it-you can't get it off your mind for a second. — Yevgeny Zamyatin