Tessa Humor Quotes & Sayings

I'm half Italian."
"Which half?" the words were out before Tessa could stop them. Was she flirting with him? She never flirted with men.
His lips curved in a slow, sexy smile that made her heart trip. "From the waist down. — Pamela Clare

Surely this marked a new level of achievement in his amatory career. Never before had he charmed the frock off a woman with talk of mathematics. Never before would he have thought to try. — Tessa Dare

Well," Tessa said, sighting along the line of the knife, "you behave as if you dislike me. In fact, you behave as if you dislike us all."
"I don't," Gabriel said. "I just dislike him." He pointed at Will.
"Dear me," said Will, and he took another bite of his apple. "Is it because I'm better-looking than you? — Cassandra Clare

It's a fine, warm day," Henry replied. "I thought a spot of fishing?"
"Just the thing!" said Felix. "Will you join us, Lucy?" Lucy felt Kitty and Sophia staring at her. Well-bred ladies, evidently, did not fish.
"Oh, no! I assure you, Mr. Crowley-Cumberbatch, I have given up those hoyden pursuits of my youth." She turned to Toby. "I haven't been fishing in ages. I can't remember the last time."
"Really, Luce?" Toby sounded incredulous. "Henry - is it true?"
Henry sawed away at a slice of ham. "If you count six days as ages, then I suppose it's true. But if you can't remember six days back, Lucy, and you've forgotten Felix's Christian name, I'm concerned for you. Perhaps you've been spending too much time with Aunt Matilda. — Tessa Dare

Mr. Branwell and Mr. Carstairs seem to have no problem cleaning their boots,"
Sophie said, looking darkly from Will to Tessa. "Perhaps you could learn from their example."
"Perhaps," said Will. "But I doubt it."
Sophie scowled, and started off along the corridor again, her shoulders tightly set with indignation.
Tessa looked at Will in amazement. "What was that?"
Will shrugged lazily. "Sophie enjoys pretending she doesn't like me."
"Doesn't like you? She hates you! — Cassandra Clare

She handed Lord Payne a steaming cup, and he took an immediate, reckless draught. A devilish smile curved her way. "Gunpowder tea? Well done, Miss Finch. I do enjoy a lady with a sense of humor."
Now this one ... he was a rake. It was written all over him, in his fine dress and flirtatious manner. He might as well have had the word embroidered on his waistcoat, between the gold-thread flourishes. She knew all about men of his sort. Half the young ladies in Spindle Cove were either fleeing them or pining for them. — Tessa Dare

I'm not going to touch her," he said "She's not mine.She never will be."
"Indeed." Bruiser rolled his eyes and dusted off his hat. "Definitely no years of pent-up lusting there. Glad we have that sorted. — Tessa Dare

I need to know you believe me when I say I love you. That is all."
"I believe everything you say," Tessa said with a smile, her hands creeping doen from his waist to his weapons belt. Her fingers closed on the hilt of the dagger, and she yanked it from the belt, smiling as he looked down at her in surprise. "After all," she said, "you weren't lying about the tattoo of the dragon of Wales, were you? — Cassandra Clare

I'm half italian"
"Which half" asked Tessa
"From the waist down — Pamela Clare

Maddie squirmed out from under him. "I'm sorry. So sorry. I know this is supposed to be physical. Impersonal. It's only that I keep thinking of lobsters."
He flipped onto his back and lay there, blinking up at the ceiling. "Until just now, I would have said there was nothing remaining that could surprise me in bed. I was wrong."
She sat up, drawing her knees to her chest. "I am the girl who made up a Scottish lover, wrote him scores of letters, and kept up an elaborate ruse for years. Does it really surprise you that I'm odd?"
"Maybe not."
"Lobsters court for months before mating. Before the male can mate with her, the female has to feel secure enough to molt out of her shell. If a spiny sea creature is worth months of effort, can't I have just a bit more time? I don't understand the urgency. — Tessa Dare

She warned me about Mr. Herondale, though, said he'd likely be rude to me, and familiar. She said I could be rude right back, that nobody would mind."
"Someone ought to be rude to him. He's rude enough to everyone else. — Cassandra Clare

Proper handling of a horse like this is no simple matter. He was trained to race, from birth. Not only to race, but to be the best. Once a champion, he was spoiled with attention and permissive handling. Add to that, he's an ungelded male, with a strong natural mating drive. It all adds up to a horse with a mile-wide streak of arrogance, bloody bored out of his mind. Without proper exercise and opportunities to mate, all that aggressive energy festers. He becomes moody, intractable, withdrawn, destructive."
Ashworth raised an eyebrow at Bellamy. "Is it just me, or is this conversation becoming uncomfortably personal?"
Spencer fumed. "I'm not referring to myself, you ass. — Tessa Dare

Forgive me, Your Grace. Are you suggesting a woman is some sort of ... piece of fruit to you? One squeeze, and you know if she's ripe? — Tessa Dare

Oh no. Don't smile. You'll kill me. I stop breathing when you smile. — Tessa Dare

Pistols, please," she said, once they'd all returned. She traded her bow and arrow for a single-barreled weapon.

Each lady in line lifted a similar firearm and held it in braced, outstretched arms, staring down her respective bull's-eye. When Susanna cocked her pistol, the others followed suit. The chorus of clicks raced down Bram's spine.

"I find this scene wildly arousing," Colin murmured, echoing Bram's own thoughts. "Is that wrong?"

"If it is, I can promise you company in hell."

His cousin made an amused sound. "And you thought we have nothing in common."

Susanna leveled her pistol and took aim. "One... Two..."

Crack. — Tessa Dare

Henry turned as if to dart out of the room, then swung around and stared at them, a look of confusion passing over his freckled face, as if he had only now had cause to wonder why Will, Tessa, and Jem might be crouching together in a mostly disused storage room. "What are you three doing in here, anyway?"
Will tilted his head to the side and smiled at Henry. "Charades," he said. "Massive game. — Cassandra Clare

I'm not interrogating him. I'm merely asking him questions. — Tessa Dare

Why are we bringing him along, again?" Will inquired, of the world in general as well as his sister.
Cecily put her hands on her hips. "Why are you bringing Tessa?"
"Because Tessa and I are going to be married," Will said, and Tessa smiled; the way that Will's little sister could ruffle his feathers like no one else was still amusing to her.
"Well, Gabriel and I might well be married," Cecily said. "Someday."
Gabriel made a choking noise, and turned an alarming shade of purple.
Will threw up his hands. "You can't be married Cecily! You're only fifteen! When I get married, I'll be eighteen! An adult!"
Cecily did not look impressed. "We may have a long engagement," she said. "But I cannot see why you are counseling me to marry a man my parents have never met."
Will sputtered. "I am not counseling you to marry a man your parents have never met!"
"Then we are in agreement. Gabriel must meet Mam and Dad. — Cassandra Clare

Izzy had always been raised to believe that "please" was a magic word. She'd been misled. Apparently, the magic word was "dinner. — Tessa Dare

She smiled. "Oh, dear. All this and a sense of humor, too."
Apparently, no one had given him a compliment lately. He looked as if he'd been thrown a grenade. Or a wet kitten. — Tessa Dare

Perhaps we could say she's a mad maiden aunt who insists on chaperoning us everywhere." "My aunt or yours?" Jem inquired. "Yes, she doesn't really look like either of us, does she? Perhaps she's a girl who's fallen madly in love with me and persists in following me wherever I go." "My talent is shape-shifting, Will, not acting," said Tessa — Cassandra Clare

Ginger used her trusty pink scissors to cut out the headline Is Your Vagina Angry? from a newly purchased women's magazine, spread glue on the back, and pasted it over the picture of a nun looking thoughtful. She had a sick sense of humor. So sue her. She stepped back and admired the decoupage nightstand she'd been working on all day. Get Thee to a Nunnery, she'd named this particular one. After a few finishing touches, it would be ready for a coat of lacquer. — Tessa Bailey

He laced his hands behind his neck and propped his boots on the opposite arm of the sofa. If an artist were to capture this image, it would have been labeled,Smugness: A Portrait. She wanted to shake him. — Tessa Dare

And since Logan didn't seem the least bit antisocial . . .
"You don't have to look like that, you know. I haven't kicked a puppy in at least a decade. — Tessa Adams

Mr. Sand, do you think it's possible to fall in love in the space of a single day?"
He smiled. "I wouldn't know. I only fall in love at night. Never lasts beyond breakfast, though. — Tessa Dare

Oh, Lord. Now he was not only an impoverished orphan, but an impoverished, unloved orphan with a passion for books. Her every feminine impulse jumped to attention. — Tessa Dare

Forgive me for speaking frankly, but after the past quarter-hour's conversation, I am unconvinced that any of you possess the sense or sensitivity to impart the news in any respectful fashion - Amelia — Tessa Dare

You see, a man's... ahem... is shaped differently from a woman's..." Mama fluttered her hand. "... whatsit. And in the marital bed, he will wish to place his..." More hand fluttering. "... inside yours."
"His ahem goes in my whatsit."
"In so many words. Yes. — Tessa Dare

Trains are great dirty smoky things," said Will. "You won't like it."
Tessa was unmoved. "I won't know if I like it until I try it, will I?"
"I've never swum naked in the Thames before, but I know I wouldn't like it."
"But think how entertaining for sightseers," said Tessa, and she saw Jem duck his head to hide the quick flash of his grin. — Cassandra Clare

No, no. Don't make that face. Every time I propose to you, you make that twisty, unhappy face. It wears on a man's confidence. — Tessa Dare

He gazed amusedly down the table at Tessa. "You're the shape-changer, aren't you?" he said. "Magnus Bane told me about you. No mark on you at all, they say."
Tessa swallowed and looked him straight in the eye. They were discordantly human eyes, ordinary in his extraordinary face. "No. No mark."
He grinned around his fork. "I do suppose they've looked everywhere?"
"I'm sure Will's tried," said Jessamine in a bored tone. — Cassandra Clare

There's a very generous donation in the parish's future if you make this fast. Ten minutes, at the most."
Frowning, the man fumbled open his liturgy. "There's an established rite, Your Grace. Marriage must be entered into with solemnity and consideration. I don't know that I can rush
"
"Ten minutes. One thousand guineas."
The liturgy snapped closed. "Then again, what do a few extra minutes signify to an eternal God?" He beckoned Amelia with a fluttering, papery hand. "Make haste, child. You're about to be married. — Tessa Dare

[Jem] looked from Will to Tessa and raised his silvery eyebrows. "A miracle," he said. "You got him to speak."
"Just to shout at me, really," said Tessa. "Not quite loaves and fishes. — Cassandra Clare

This?" the duchess asked.
"Yes. That."
"I will tell you exactly what this is." She lifted her chin, then turned to Pauline. "It's exceedingly poor handiwork. Very bad indeed, Miss Simms. I expected better of you." She cast the entire mess of yarn into the coal grate.
Pauline rolled her eyes at the Bible. "Hypocrite," she pronounced softly, with perfect diction. — Tessa Dare

Her chin lifted. "Very well. Here is my best offer. Half of my nakedness for all of yours."
He pretended to think on it. " It's a bargain. — Tessa Dare

You're hurt."
"No. No, I'm fine. It's not blood. The militiamen were adjusting Sir Lewis's trebuchet, and there was a mishap. You took a melon for me." She smiled, even though her lips trembled. — Tessa Dare

It's that I think Will is angry with me," Tessa explained. "So whatever he told you - "
He laughed. "Will is angry with everyone," he said. "I don't let it color my judgment. — Cassandra Clare

Must you go? I was rather hoping you'd stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must."
"I'll stay," Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. "I can minister angelically."
"None too convincingly. And you're not as pretty to look at as Tessa is," Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow.
"How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared the experience to gazing at the radiance of the sun."
Jem still had his eyes closed. "If they mean it gives you a headache, they aren't wrong. — Cassandra Clare

Anyone that looked like that wouldn't need to tie up girls and imprison them in order to get them to marry him — Cassandra Clare