Terrifically Funny Quotes & Sayings

Love was over, and her man was sleeping beside her. Her man. She smiled a little in the darkness, his seed still trickling with slow warmth from between her slightly parted thighs, and her smile was both rueful and pleased, because the phrase her man summoned up a hundred feelings. Each feeling examined alone was a bewilderment. Together, in this darkness floating to sleep, they were like a distant blues tune heard in an almost deserted nightclub, melancholy but pleasing. — Stephen King

Prosperous farmers mean more employment, more prosperity for the workers and the business men of every industrial area in the whole country. — Franklin D. Roosevelt

How is it that the Church produced no geometer in her autocratic reign of twelve hundred years? — John William Draper

I think the mistake lots of people make when it comes to a psychopath is that they completely write off their actions as cruel, callous and completely calculated, but actually, the truth is that they have interests and reasons behind their actions. — James Norton

I've always found drugs and alcohol somewhat pedestrian. It's like, I don't need an external agent to open my mind. I'm here, conscious, alert, present. Why would I alter that? — Jimmy Buffett

I sort of get tired of myself sometimes. When you're busy, your life becomes relatively small. But I never get tired of talking to other people. — Marc Maron

The other good thing was that I had enough rank to strong-arm Marjit into confessing that she'd been the one who'd told everything to Pa about my first invisibility cap, which was how Pa knew to come steal it. Unfortunately, since my rank in the surface world hung off Pa's, I did NOT have enough rank to take him to task for stealing my cap. So I just put him to sleep during a fancy dinner, so that he went facedown into the sour soup. Just the once. It eased my ire terrifically. — Merrie Haskell

I don't care if you're Republican or a Democrat or a Liberal, getting crucified for the way you think or believe, obviously if it's not hurting anyone, it's just Un-American. — Angie Harmon

The fate of a single man can be rich with significance, that of a few hundred less so, but the history of thousands and millions of men does not mean anything at all, in any adequate sense of the word. — Stanislaw Lem

A Complicated Kindness is just that: funny and strange, spellbinding and heartbreaking, this novel is a complicated kindness from a terrifically talented writer. — Gail Anderson-Dargatz

Libraries are where it all begins. — Rita Dove