Teen Humor Quotes & Sayings

Sometimes I think I'm an alien that accidentally fell off the mother ship, destined to wander among clueless earthling parents for all eternity. — Sarah Ockler

I smiled, reached into my pockets and pulled out a pair of ultrapowerful earplugs, the kind that are standard issue for skyway construction workers, artillery soldiers, and roadies for the thirty-five most popular teen boy bands. — John Zakour

Haydn lets out a low whistle. "You're a real piece of work."
"It's okay," I say, turning to face him. "I got the memo." He arches a brow. "The one that says you hate my guts. There's no need to rub it in. — Siobhan Davis

Eldon doesn't have to play if he doesn't want to," Tobias repeated, his fist tightening on the fork.

Eldon sensed with dread that their aunt was in great danger of being stabbed. — Ash Gray

"Alright, who's first?" Crystal asked once Carrie was in the chair that she had instructed her to sit in.
Everyone was quiet.
"Who wants to draw straws?" Matt asked. Carrie hadn't realized until this moment that the subtle smile on his face never faded. It was as though he found humor in everything that was going on.
Will slowly raised his hand, his other hand was left shoved in the pocket of his blue jeans, "I'll do it." — Julia Barkey

Girls," their mother interjected, "you must both stop being strange - it is unattractive. And don't forget your hats. It would be absolutely the end for me if you two came down with freckles at a time like this. — Anna Godbersen

I tried to will them with my super mental powers so he'd put them around my waist, but apparently I had no super mental powers. — J.A. Redmerski

He's a mass of contradictions. Unfortunately, that only seems to enhance his appeal. I'm one sick bitch, that's for sure. — Siobhan Davis

All I did was offer to kill your dog, and the next thing I know I'm being judged. — Tom Upton

Prove to me that you deserved it. — Kristine Cuevas

What is that?" Addison inspects the food with a look of sheer revulsion on her face. You'd swear I just handed her a plate full of arsenic.
"The Works Burger with fries and extra onions and cheese, exactly as you ordered." I keep my voice level.
She sends me a scathing look. "Do I look like I'd ever consume that amount of saturated fat? — Siobhan Davis

I hated puberty. It had been that horrible stage from child hood, to pre teen, and my stage from ugly, to ugly with menstrual cramps. — Melissa Grijalva

The thing about teen idol," Louisa is saying, "is he morphs through time. The boys' faces and names change, but the emotional need they fulfill, well, that never changes. — Allison Pearson

I suppose you'll not let me rest until I admit that I like your company?"
"You're getting to know me well ... "
"Very well, I'll admit. You're slightly more than tolerable. — Jody Hedlund

My heart battered against my ribs, my breath stalled and I gazed up into his laughing, smiling eyes ... eyes that suddently glowed crimson and cruel. — Terri Clark

Maybe tranquility is the dirt under my nails. I know it's there but I never feel like digging it out. — Casey Renee Kiser

What is your definition of skank?' I ask.
'A skank fucks skeezas she barely knows. — Megan McCafferty

Will that be all?" I asked the pimply faced teen who ogled my exposed legs as if in heat. My pen tapped impatiently on the notepad while I waited for him to look up.
Slowly his dull grey eyes roved over my body and a limp smile drew up his thin, crusted lips making him look more weasel than human.
"Yep. That'd be it," his cheerful, adolescent voice cracked.
"Great," I mumbled, walking back behind the counter. — Brandi Salazar

I feel pretty sure I know why the dinosaurs went extinct. They were waiting for Sam to pick out a cell phone case. — P. Anastasia

If you jotted down all of my ill-thought out comments, you could write a book entitled, Guide to Getting Punched in the Throat for Boneheads-Mad Hatter in "Death of the Mad Hatter" (Coming Soon!) — Sarah J. Pepper

To the attention of the New Fiddleham Police Department: You've got my middle-C, and I would like it back.

...

Please return Jackaby's tuning fork. He's getting even more obnoxious than usual. — William Ritter

Eugene's got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he's thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair. — Flynn Meaney

If only I had the speed that my alien boyfriend had, then I could just zip through my senior year and forget about distance and mom's annoyingly great sense of hearing. But when said alien boyfriend was in my bed, I wanted nothing more than the opposite speed. I wanted to freeze time to keep everything just the way it was. — Magan Vernon

I spread my arms. In the Rainbow Jungles of Ever there lives what I affectionately call, killer ducks. — Jen Wylie

He roars laughing as he raises our conjoined hands to his lips. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"
"About ten thousand times." I smile.
"Get used to it, Alma Sadie," he says, tucking an errant strand of hair back into my elegantly coiffed chignon. "Because I'll never tire of telling you. — Siobhan Davis

We need to have mentoring programs energized by government, paid for by government, but who exist not because of government. Teen Challenge is a way to get people off drugs and alcohol. Teen Challenge is a faith-based program that changes people's hearts. — George W. Bush

Thinking sure could get a fellow in a lot of trouble. Almost as much as opening his big gabber and sticking his muddy foot in it. — Gillian Bronte Adams

No offense, doll, but that's not something I'm willing to share. I'd prefer to live a long and happy life if it's all the same to you."
"You can't just throw out vague allegations and then say nothing else!"
"See, that's the good thing about being a fugitive like me. I can do what the hell I like, and I'm not answerable to anyone." Stepping away from the bars, he stands with his legs stretched out wide. His stance matches his grin.
"Sure looks like that's working out well for you," I say, piercing him with a scornful look. — Siobhan Davis

Hormones, it seemed, we're making a much-delayed appearance in her life.

Liv was horrified. — Danika Stone

I didn't want to go to hell, but even the idea of reclaining my halo scared me because it would mean leaving Aly. — Terri Clark

Gil drives like he lives his life: In the fast lane. — Siobhan Davis

Without hesitation but with a sense of entitlement, he lifted my hand to his lips. He was gentlemen-like in every way ... I don't know why I wondered if it was an act or for real. — Laura Albright

When Grant Blue reaches me, he bends his head down close enough that I can smell the soap and promise on his skin. Clean living and popularity - It's quite the aftershave, let me tell you. If I'm being honest, the fact that he even has to bend to talk to me is making me want to swoon a little ... But just a little. — Isobel Irons

Over the past couple of months, Chantel had become a pro at leading book discussions and inventing fun games and trivia questions that all related to that particular month's book selection. Although, last month's theme, dystopian and the book selection "Matched" by Allie Condie, had the retirement home director a little concerned when everyone wanted to stop taking their medications. Not... a good... thing! — JoJo Sutis

I know what you're thinking. 'How the hell does this broke ass piece of trailer trash know words like caveat,' right? Well guess what? I've read every single book on the New York Times list of 'Top 100 Literary Classics,' not to mention every Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath or Bronte sisters' book ever written. And fuck you very much for judging me, by the way. — Isobel Irons

I'd rather be a friendless loser than have a bunch of friends who secretly hated me. (spoken by Massie Block) — Lisi Harrison

Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it. — Andrew Smith

I've told him personal things about myself. Private things I haven't told others. Things I haven't yet had the time to confide in Logan.
In this moment, I regret it all.
In this moment, I know that Haydn and I will never again be friends.
In this moment, I want to punch him in the face until he bleeds. — Siobhan Davis

Do you fancy catching a movie at the Sturbridge Theater tonight? That new Robert Pattinson movie is showing," I ask her, the phone cradled against my chest.
"Definitely sign me up for that!" Ari replies, chuckling as I mock scowl. Her easy laugh warms my soul.
"We're in," I tell Gil, arranging to meet him and his date in the diner later.
"So, who is it this time?" Ari asks, resting her chin in her hands. "Anyone we know?"
Considering I can count the girls on one hand who have enjoyed more than one date with Gil, I doubt it'll be someone familiar. "I didn't ask; guess we'll find out soon enough."
"Five bucks says it's a blonde," Ari quips.
"That's one bet I'm not taking," I admit, twirling a lock of her hair around my finger. "Gil's penchant for blondes is world-renowned. — Siobhan Davis

I t was a well-known fact among Christian homeschoolers that public
schools were bastions of gangs, drugs, teen pregnancy, rap music, pop culture, secular humanism, witchcraft, and body piercings. — Josh Sundquist

You are such a dork," I exclaim as my fingers flit over the multitude of images and videos of Will Smith. Pinned quotes and sayings are highlighted, and I chuckle when I recognize a few. "Oh. My. God. Did you actually learn these on purpose?"
He reels me into his arms and kisses the top of my head. "Will I be cementing my dork status if I answer affirmatively?"
"Absolutely." I look up into his beautiful eyes. "But I only love you more for it. — Siobhan Davis

Agent Smith, a lady is never late, everyone is simply early." I said back, paraphrasing something I saw on a 20/20 special.
"Well, a lady isn't exactly what they are expecting. — Rumi Antoinette

He sees me when I'm lying. He hears me when I flirt. — Candace Jane Kringle

Why can't I just Google it like everything else?! I hate you public library system! — Vera Brosgol

Around eighth grade Margot started getting really sensitive about her weight, even though she wasn't remotely fat - just a little round-faced. So Margot did what any normal fourteen-year-old girl would do. She started puking on purpose, every day after fifth period. Of course now, she does more than puke. But we don't talk about that. Because real friends don't judge each other for what they do to survive in hell. — Isobel Irons

If you don't beleve in yourself, who will?' ~Maybeck — Ridley Pearson

And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one's for my girlfriend. We've been going out for three weeks, and, damn, our love is true. We're gonna be together forever, baby. This one's called 'Bang You Like a Drum. — Cassandra Clare

It could have been worse. He could have said he wasn't a 'dessert person' and then I would have been forced to jump out of a moving car. — Saba Kapur

Librarians are notorious snitches - don't let anybody convince you otherwise. — Tom Upton

Uh, got into a fight with the kitchen or something?" he asked, smirking.
I ran my hands through my hair and felt remains of the fruit as I did and cringed. Well, this must be attractive. I motioned for him to come into the living room and shut the door behind him.
"Something like that," I replied coolly.
He walked past me and went to the kitchen, probably to get a better look. "Well, I see you won. The fruit won't be going anywhere anytime soon. Maybe the apples. Those look like they need some more killing. — Christie Cote

Would you like to stand next to me and introduce yourself to the class?' Smiled Mr Zimmerman, the English teacher.
Nope, I would rather turn into bat! Leave me the heck alone. Ughh, why is it teachers ask ' Would you like to?' No teen ever wants to stand in front of strangers and be forced to talk about them.
- Lenore Lee from Whitby After Dark — Stella Coulson

There was nothing I could say in retaliation except something that would confuse her. — E. Lockhart

I was wrong last night. Kyler isn't just trouble. He's an apocalypse-level disaster waiting to happen. I need to find some fallout shelter to hide in. And quick. — Siobhan Davis