Quotes & Sayings About Taxes Funny

The United States has a system of taxation by confession — Hugo Black

Some things in life are certain; death, taxes, and that your family will piss you off. — Melanie Finn

I love America, but I can't spend the whole year here. I can't afford the taxes — Mick Jagger

The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians. — Steve Forbes

Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks. — Bauvard

Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay — Milton Friedman

The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. — William Feather

Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids — Harvey MacKay

A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it. — Ann Landers

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. — Joe E. Lewis

Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr. — Will Rogers

You don't get it. They gave me beauty and song, and then I was left in the woods to grow up for sixteen years before being handed over to you. I don't know anything about ruling. I don't even really know what taxes are. I was in the woods in the real world. In the dreamworld, I hid like a mouse and then organized balls and parties. — Liz Braswell

Taxes are paid in the sweat of every man who labors. — Franklin D. Roosevelt

Individual Greeks are delightful: funny, warm, smart, and good company. I left two dozen interviews saying to myself, "What great people!" They do not share the sentiment about one another: the hardest thing to do in Greece is to get one Greek to compliment another behind his back. No success of any kind is regarded without suspicion. Everyone is pretty sure everyone is cheating on his taxes, or bribing politicians, or taking bribes, or lying about the value of his real estate. And this total absence of faith in one another is self-reinforcing. The epidemic of lying and cheating and stealing makes any sort of civic life impossible; the collapse of civic life only encourages more lying, cheating, and stealing. Lacking faith in one another, they fall back on themselves and their families. — Michael Lewis

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta — Dave Barry

Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!" — Lewis Black

There's no such thing as a good tax. — Winston Churchill

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong. — Mark Twain

It was the last town in what was then a civilized country. Once Tim asked his father what civilized meant. "Taxes," Big Ross said, and laughed - but not in a funny way. — Stephen King