Swardson Comedian Quotes & Sayings

If you want to be a comedian, go out. Do a week in Des Moines, Iowa. Try to make those people laugh. — Nick Swardson

Give my love to the kids, I shout as the door closes, and I've never seen that shade of red on a face. It's quite lovely, actually, I should aim for it more often. — Kiersten White

[Being a good comedian] is a skill, but it's also a weird thing that only certain people can do. I always equate it to surgeons and how they can just cut people open and operate. Certain people are just wired differently, and I feel like comics are the same way. — Nick Swardson

The key to comedy is commitment - if you're afraid, you shouldn't be a comedian. — Nick Swardson

When you live the life of a comedian, it's such a state of arrested development. I can't deal with anything very maturely. I'm still really bad at paying bills or doing anything that would be considered semi-adult. I'm really bad at it. It's weird I can create and run a TV show, but I can't pay my phone bill. — Nick Swardson

Convenient though it would be if it were true, Mozilla [Netscape 1.0] is not big because it's full of useless crap. Mozilla is big because your needs are big. Your needs are big because the Internet is big. There are lots of small, lean web browsers out there that, incidentally, do almost nothing useful. But being a shining jewel of perfection was not a goal when we wrote Mozilla. — Jamie Zawinski

I have wasted a lot of time living. — Michael Oakeshott

You're right, Simon. Thank you for coming. (Sin)
(Simon threw himself against the stone wall, his face a mask of shock and dismay.)
Callie, quick, take cover, love. The castle is doomed. Sin said thank you to me. The end of the earth is upon us. (He crossed himself.) Hail Mary full of grace. (Simon) — Kinley MacGregor

My mom, through my dad, rented the apartment next door to his ... he had the lease on both places. But then, she would dress up and act like his maid ... a practical maid. No fantasies. — Trevor Noah

So often we try to alter circumstances to suit ourselves, instead of letting them alter us, which is what they are meant to do. — Mother Maribel