Super Funny Quotes & Sayings

Someday you'll meet people who are actually on crack and you won't think that's a super funny thing to say. — Patrick Stump

When you're watching 'Armageddon,' and the Aerosmith song starts ... Super funny. — Trey Parker

Getting married means you've won, and I hate thinking like that, I do, but let's be honest, that's just how it is. Until you're married, you're a loser, NO MATTER HOW GREAT YOU ARE AT EVERYTHING ELSE. In our super progressive, equal right, modern society, it's the one thing no one wants to say but everyone is thinking, however messed-up it is. — Lindsey Kelk

Everyone thinks of Anubis as this super jacked up jackal. I find that amusing. I guess he must work out a lot. I guess when you think of it, it is kind of funny. No other picture of gods from that time are ripped. I guess Anubis did Egyptian steroids. — Jessica Florence

[In comedy] you never want to leave the actors hanging out to dry. So you need to come up with funny individual stories for each character, and then you do this sort of comedy geometry, weaving them together. Once you've got a funny structure and you know why the scenes are funny, then you get super funny people to say your own lines, say their own lines, say things in their own way, and every scene is a live rewrite in front of the camera. — Jeff Schaffer

I thrust the picture at his chest. He takes it and squints at it in the softening light. Then his eyes widen. "Holy shit," he breathes. "Is this the girl that ate you?"
"Ha, no. You're funny." I snatch my picture back. "So I was super fat. It's my father's fault. He never hugged me."
"So, what, you ate him? — Nicole Christie

If you're going to be a superhero, can I be your sidekick?" -April
"What?" -Grace
"The Dynamic Duo!" -April
"Um, I'm pretty sure sidekicks have to have super powers, too. -Grace
"Oh Yeah ... Okay, but you can always use an Alfred." April
"My Alfred?" -Grace
"Oh come on Please I can help you design gadgets and stuff. Oh! I can design you outfits for crime fighting!" -April
" *sigh* Okay. Sure. But no spandex" -Grace — Bree Despain

By the time Chip and I met, he'd managed to combine these two conflicting sides of himself: the kid who steered clear of trouble and did the right thing, and the kid who rode his Big Wheel full speed into the street without looking both ways. I had never met anyone like him. It's funny to me to think that the whole opposites-attract thing might have been programmed into my DNA. Just as my outgoing mother was drawn to my quiet dad, I was this shy girl drawn to the super-outgoing Chip Gaines. And the fact that he owned a successful lawn and irrigation business and had made up his mind that he loved Waco and wanted to stay put was somehow a perfect fit with everything I knew I wanted myself. — Joanna Gaines

What makes American Elf so good is that it's incredibly personal and it runs the full spectrum from super-sickening sweetness to gut-wrenching terror and sorrow. It's a funny and powerful window into a real person's mind. — Tony Millionaire

I grew up with an extremely funny dad, and my mom is super funny. — Paula Pell

NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses. — Peter Sagal

I went to school for marketing and advertising, so I have a special interest in good and funny commercials and why they work and why they're funny - which is one of the reasons I, like many people, like watching the Super Bowl, besides the game. — Kevin Nealon

You know what happens on live TV?
Janet Jackson's Super Bowl Boob happens on live TV. Adele Dazeem happens on live TV. President Al Gore happens on live TV — Shonda Rhimes

Is that all you bought?" His eyes shot to the left. "Um." I clenched my teeth. "What else?" "A Super Mega Juicer," he said quickly. "But, Sabina, seriously that juicer is a miracle machine." "I'm a vampire, Giguhl. The only liquids I drink are blood and alcohol. I don't do juice. — Jaye Wells

Apparently they're going to bring in Super Asbos. But Asbos already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them Gaybos or Bender Badges. — Frankie Boyle

I realize nobody's coming to save me. I must save myself. I must be my own super hero. Although I am open to a sidekick. — Karen Salmansohn

I heard that people were really interested in the new haircut, which I think is so funny. Great haircut, I really like it. It goes great with the time period. And I was super, super, super-happy to have my bangs swept to the side rather than straight in front of me, which I dealt with for three seasons. I'm very, very much done with that. — Elisabeth Moss

What's with the super soaker?" -Stephine
"I had a stork of genius when you called me this morning I said what do I have to do to protect myself from the vampire? And the answer that came to me was holy water! I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner." -Lula
"You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?" -Stephine
"Yeah I sucked it out of the church. You know that birdbath thing they got right up front?" -Lula
"THe baptismal font?" -Stephine
"That's it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking." -Lula
"Brilliant." -Stephine — Janet Evanovich

. . . and together you're what, the Super Friends? — Mark Jeffrey

Don't worry chief,"said foaly,"It's like riding a unicorn,you never forget. — Eoin Colfer

It would be really nice to make a record that would be super-fun to play live - a record that would be funny, with a little bit of heart. — Ryan Adams

I think it's always funny when somebody thinks you're going to do something super sexy and then you don't. — Olivia Munn

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Marshawn Lynch" Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can't be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a football. — Matthew D. Heines

Yeah, 'Feed the Dog' is just a really fun, teenage movie with Nat Wolff and Selena Gomez and all these other great people. It's just so silly-funny, and my character's super-fun. — Heather Graham

My parents are both super funny, and I always knew I wanted to be on 'SNL.' My mom and I would watch it a lot. — Casey Wilson

Opening my door to Dillon Ruddick, my bulding super. I handed him a cup of coffee. "Sorry about the blood."
"What was it this time?" No one reported gunfire."
"I hit a guy in the face with a hair dryer."
"Whoa." Dillon said.
"It wasn't my fault," I told him.
"Maybe we should lay down some linoleum here. It would make things easier for clean up. — Janet Evanovich

I'm, like, super-clumsy and weird and funny and dorky. — Shantel VanSanten

Just like an angel, the lovely one and the cute
All the beauty together in your funny sulky looks
Innocent, like the kids, like the pigeons in my garden
Magnetic attraction, awesome, amazing and the super astute
Immortal charming, like the moon and the stars
Elegant, stylish, you must be very tasty, fruit — M.F. Moonzajer

Um, I'm just naturally super-funny. No, not really. I've never been in The Groundlings or anything. — Ryan Hansen

All the religions are super funny to me. — Trey Parker

Green Lantern: "What are your powers anyway? You can't fly."
Batman: "No."
Green Lantern: "Super-strength?"
Batman: "No."
Green Lantern: "Hold on a second ... You're not just some guy in a bat costume, are you? Are you freaking kidding me?! — Geoff Johns

Craig McDean was probably one of the first people I shot with. I shot with him for years with Tommy Hilfiger and a few other jobs. He's just so nice and just a super normal, funny guy. — Jacquelyn Jablonski

You all right, man?'
This should be my name. I could be like a super hero: You All Right Man.
Ah ... ' I stumble.
Don't bug Craig,' Ronny is like. 'He's in the Craig zone. He's Craig-ing out. — Ned Vizzini

Reckoner Super Plan for Killing Regalia ...
Step One: find Regalia, then totally explode her. Lots and Lots.
Step Two: put Val on decaf.
Step Three: Mizzy gets a cookie. — Brandon Sanderson

I don't want to get myself in trouble - and I don't think I'm super important or anything - but I think it's so funny that when you look at the business and the way that people make decisions in their lives, whether they're in art or music or they're in industry, they forget that being unique is the answer. — Justin Vernon

I posted a video a day for almost two months and was hardly sleeping, but I think it really pushed me to give music everything I had in me. I knew it was a chance I couldn't miss. The funny thing is I never saw my music video when it aired during the Super Bowl because as soon as I heard my song start I was in tears for the next 10 minutes! The most amazing thing that came out of all of this, however, was the support that had developed online. Without the people that came back day after day to vote for me, I'd be nowhere, and I really owe it all to them. — Kina Grannis

John Cleese was a big hero of mine. He grew up in Weston Super Mare near Bristol where I grew up; he was always very tall and gangly, but he was smart and used his physicality in a very funny way. I used to think, 'Well he came from Weston and he did it, so there's a chance for me.' — Stephen Merchant

Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I've seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian. — Greg Giraldo

I already have two movies in the can, low-key, which are 'Vincent-N-Roxxy' and 'Keanu' with Key and Peele, which is my first comedy, and it's going to be super dope, definitely funny. They're so great, and they've been such life coaches to me. — Jason Mitchell

I'm not blond or super fit or perfect. Not romantic, not "an individual," and definitely not a genius. So what am I? I'll tell you what : a bridesmaid. — Tamara Summers

Why are the super-rich for socialism? Don't they have the most to lose? I take a look at my bank account and compare it with Nelson Rockefeller's and it seems funny that I'm against socialism and he's out promoting it. Or is it funny? In reality, there is a vast difference between what the promoters define as socialism and what it is in actual practice. The idea that socialism is a share-the-wealth program is strictly a confidence game to get the people to surrender their freedom to an all-powerful collectivist government. While the Insiders tell us we are building a paradise on earth, we are actually constructing a jail for ourselves. — Gary Allen

Oh, so there were angels and demons, but no vampires? No mysterious, super-hot bloodsuckers who would love you forever? Now that was totally unfair. — Alycia Linwood

There's a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you're looking in a window. I'll give you a hint: one of 'em is super illegal. — Dave Attell

We deal with all the production headaches and all that stuff. They just have to come here and be super funny. And it's worked out well. I mean, literally, every day they're all saying things I'd never thought I'd hear before and just some of the funniest discussions I've ever heard. — Jeff Schaffer

Condoms should be marked in 3 sizes: jumbo, colossal and super colossal, so that men do not have to go in and ask for the small. — Barbara Seaman

I have never pretended to be any kind of super-religious kind of man, but I feel very strongly that you can be funny without being dirty. — Jonathan Winters

And soon we were just rolling around on the ground, cursing and screeching and ripping out handfuls of hair.
Without super hearing, I wouldn't have heard Zeb whisper, "This is the coolest thing I have ever seen."
"Maybe they'll get muddy," Dick said. "Please, Lord, let them get muddy. — Molly Harper

Is the diameter of your index finger equal to or greater than the diameter of a super absorbency tampon? — Julie Cross

Yeah," Tamara said. "An old bowling alley. There must be a town not too far from here. But how could Aaron be there? And don't say something like 'working on his score' or 'maybe he's in a bowling league' or something like that. Be serious."
Call leaned against the rough bark of a nearby tree and resisted the urge to sit down. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to get up again. "I'm serious. It might be hard to tell in the dark, but I have my most super-serious face on. — Cassandra Clare

Laser light flickered all over him as if he was a packet of biscuits at a super-market check-out. — Douglas Adams

And it started out fun. We were chattering enthusiastically, flipping between CNN, MSNBC, and FOX News. But as the evening wore on, and the numbers rolled in, it got quieter, and I found myself becoming intensely depressed. Why was I putting myself through this? The issues I've devoted my life to have become so marginalized by the coverage that they have no possible relevance to me. I can't even blame the media - people simply don't care about alternate-party politics. And why should they? I'm so far in the minority that my activism is a joke, a punchline that stopped being funny years ago. It goes beyond rooting for the underdog. It's not rooting for the Giants: it's more like, say, rooting for the Twins. But during the Super Bowl. — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

If you're OK with being clumsy, it's funny. But if you are super embarrassed, people are going to laugh at you. — Leo Howard

That's why I like to get out there, and get people to see the other side of Mitt, and know us in a different reflection when you see the family and how funny he is with the boys and with the grandkids. And you know, just what a super guy he is. That's part of what I am doing, is letting people see the other side of Mitt. — Ann Romney

EXTREMELY FUNNY! A SUPER-VIRTUOSO! I expected to enjoy 'The Two and Only,' but I didn't expect to be touched, much less to find my eyes growing moist. — Terry Teachout

Look at your watch now. You're still a super hot female. — Gwen Stefani

We love super-silly moments, funny moments, serious moments, weird moments. — Riki Lindhome

It's funny, but when there are dominant teams, there are a number of people who rail about the fact that they're always seeing the Dallas Cowboys or the San Francisco 49ers or the Green Bay either in the playoffs or in the Super Bowl. — Al Michaels

Eternity is not a super-abundance of time, but timelessness. — Vijay Balakrishnan

Actors are a really funny bunch of people, especially the X-Men cast. They're super funny and super nice, and they like to go out and get drinks and dinner and hang out. It's an experience. It's a summer. It's like camp. Everybody gets together and hangs out. — Evan Peters

The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like 'Mad Men' is disgusting. It's a super disgusting part of our culture, but I still find it funny to make a joke about it. — Jonah Hill

Funny how people value eyes, when really, their colors are super limited. I doubt anyone would enjoy a new box of crayons if they came only in eye-color shades. — Courtney C. Stevens

This stupid toaster is ruining my life! — Cole Gibsen

Ozzy, God bless him, is super talented. He is a great man. He is a man of heart and soul and goodwill. He is a very funny man but he is a perfect poster child of why I have never touched drugs, alcohol, tobacco or fast food. — Ted Nugent