Statistics Humor Quotes & Sayings

To improve the world start by improving yourself. — Matshona Dhliwayo

Be careful of averages and how they're applied. One way that they can fool you is if the average combines samples from disparate populations. This can lead to absurd observations such as:
"On average, humans have one testicle. — Daniel J. Levitin

Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor. — Edgar Fiedler

One likes people much better when they're battered down by a prodigious siege of misfortune than when they triumph. — Virginia Woolf

It is worth looking closer and remembering something Marcos Alvito told me: Statistics are like a bikini. They show so much, but they hide the most important parts. — Dave Zirin

Further movements are not recommended," said Mr. Croup, helpfully. "Mister Vandemar might have a little accident with his old toad-sticker. Most accidents do occur in the home. Is that not so, Mister Vandemar?"
"I don't trust statistics," said Mr. Vandemar's blank voice. — Neil Gaiman

Divorce is a marital welfare. It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't do enough research before they got married. How is that our fault? Don't drag down my country's statistics just because you ran off and got hitched before you ever saw each other in a bad mood. — Stephen Colbert

I'm a bit of a late developer, generally. But the good thing about being a filmmaker is you still count as young all the way through your 40s. — Lenny Abrahamson

The current crop of experts claimed that baby girls stare at faces while baby boys watch the mobile over their cribs. They extrapolated from this to conclude that women are inherently interested in people and men are inherently interested in objects.

... Turner supposed they might be right in a statistical sense, but numbers don't tell the whole story. If you have one foot in boiling water and one in a tub of dry ice, on the average you're comfortable. — Eileen Wilks

I couldn't claim that I was smarter than sixty-five other guys
but the average of sixty-five other guys, certainly! — Richard Feynman

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you. — Rita Mae Brown

Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
- Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar — Mark Twain

Of course, if 40% of women need oxytocin to progress normally, then something is wrong with the definition of normal. — Henci Goer

Did you know that ninety-eight percent of statistics are made up on the spot? — Kim Harrington

Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious. — Scott Dikkers

Flo especially took me in hand. When I felt I had to prove the existence of discrimination with statistics, for instance, she pulled me aside. 'If you're lying in the ditch with a truck on your ankle,' she said patiently, 'you don't send someone to the library to find out how much the truck weighs. You get it off! — Gloria Steinem

In the same way there is much, much in all of us, but we do not know it. No one ever calls it out in us, unless we are lucky enough to know intelligent, imaginative, sympathetic people who love us and have the magnanimity to encourage us, to believe in us, by listening, by praise, by appreciation, by laughing. If you are going to write, you must become aware of this richness in you and come to believe in it and know it is there so that you can write opulently with with self-trust. Once you become aware of it, have faith in it, you will be all right. But it is like this: if you have a million dollars in the bank and don't know, it doesn't so you any good. — Brenda Ueland

May it always be clear that only True Love can compete with any other Love in this world. When we give everything, we have nothing more to lose. And then fear, jealousy, boredom, and monotony disappear, and all that remains is the light from a void that does not frighten us, but brings us closer to one another. The light that always changes, and that is what makes it beautiful and full of surprises - not always those we hope for, but those we can live with. — Paulo Coelho

A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey. — Banksy

When we encounter challenges and problems in our lives, it is often difficult for us to focus on our blessings. However, if we reach deep enough and look hard enough, we will be able to feel and recognize just how much we have been given. — Thomas S. Monson

You do not know me, but I am a juvenile delinquent. I do not trust authority figures, I probably will not graduate from high school, and statistics say my present rowdiness and vandalism will likely lead to more serious crimes. I am a dangerous fellow, and I am causing mayhem in this store. [ ... ] There. I have now shamelessly destroyed the symmetry of this shelf, undoing hours of labor by underpaid store employees. If you could see me, you would be frightened. — Katherine Applegate

According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless. — Ashleigh Brilliant