Specials Quotes & Sayings

It doesn't take much convincing to make someone believe they're better than everyone else. — Scott Westerfeld

All right, two dozen house specials. Any chance one of you might want to live dangerously and try a vegetable? (Aimee)
Do we look like rabbits to you? (Fury) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I told him God didn't invent grocery stores. He told me that I had no proof of this, and wouldn't I feel stupid when I died and went to heaven and saw God's Food Mart? I told him that was a dumb name for a grocery store. He told me that I couldn't do any better. I told him God's grocery store was named God's Amazing Food Emporium and that they had weekly specials on the Body Of Christ Sourdough bread loaves. He told me I was sacrilegious. I told him we weren't any kind of religious. — T.J. Klune

I'm like the Hulk on stage. It's way over the top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I get off stage and go What did I say?! I'll watch one of my stand-up specials a year later and go Eww, that was mean. — Chris Rock

The tiny waiter, who looks to be about ninety-seven years old, comes over and wheezes through what I assume are the specials. Szabolcs, his nametag says. I can't understand a word he says. He may be telling me that his great-great-grandchildren are in the kitchen being gnawed on by a pack of wolves. I nod and smile. "I'll have the chicken," I say. Szabolcs asks something that has a lot of sht and tsz and ejht sounds in it. "Sounds good," I tell him. This is how people end up eating cats, I believe. — Kristan Higgins

I'm really happy that I've been able to make people laugh and distract them from their day to day bullshit at a comedy show or because they enjoyed one of my CDs or TV specials, but I don't know how many people have actually had life changing thoughts because of it. — Joe Rogan

I was turning into one of those ABC Afterschool Specials that we were forced to watch as kids. — Ashlan Thomas

In winter this town is freezing. You step out your door in the morning and the whole place looks like one of those nature specials in which a guy brings a camcorder to the North Pole and then the camera cuts out and you hear on the news that he got eaten by a bear — Flynn Meaney

The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff. — Aziz Ansari

Well, it doesn't look good. Makes me look like one of those unloved latchkey children they make after-school specials about."
"Don't sell yourself short. You're more Masterpiece Theatre. — Marisha Pessl

She scanned the captives, looking for Shay and David. The familiar faces in the crowd were haggard, dirty, crumpled by shock and defeat, but Tally realized that she no longer thought of them as ugly. It was the cold expressions of the Specials, beautiful though they were, that seemed horrific to her now. A — Scott Westerfeld

I was the Specials' founder, main songwriter and keyboard player. — Jerry Dammers

Tracy Ullman, I grew up watching her shows and standup and improv and specials. Bette Midler and Whoopi Goldberg. They inspire me to do it all. I always wanted to do it all; I never wanted to be put in a box. — Bresha Webb

The restaurant, Bongiorno's, was bad and didn't know it. Everything was presented with a passive-aggressive flourish, as though we probably weren't savvy enough to appreciate the oregano-heavy garlic bread, the individual bowls for olive pits, the starched napkins stuffed into our wineglasses, or the waiter's strained enunciation of a long list of specials. — Jonathan Lethem

Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here. — Andy Kindler

I've seen other comics, with great pleasure, watching their own specials, and I don't know how or why they do it. — Janeane Garofalo

I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu. — Jerry Seinfeld

We were scarecrows in blue uniforms. After a grand total of five days of blackboard instruction and fifty rounds at the NYPD firing range, my new police academy classmates and I were standing out on the sidewalks of central Brooklyn pretending to be police officers. They gave us badges. They gave us handcuffs. They gave us guns - standard police-issue Smith & Wesson .38 Specials. They told us, "Good luck." In early July 1966, riots had broken out in East New York, Bedford-Stuyvesant, and Brownsville, Brooklyn. Hundreds of angry young men were roaming the streets and throwing bottles and rocks. Already they had injured police officers and attempted to flip over a radio car. On one corner, police found eighteen Molotov cocktails. The borough commander was calling for reinforcements - and fast. — Ray Kelly

Where do these arms come from, these Saturday night specials that constitute the instrument of threats in bank robberies, or the hand grenades used by terrorists? How can their sales and their import be permitted? — Alva Myrdal

My conversations with people who are just beginning to understand and include transsexual and transgender people in their plans or programs lean heavily on this. For them, the very fact of a transsexual who is a real student at their school or client of their agency can be new and surprising. But for queers and transfolk, who have institutionalized an additional set of queerly normative genders, it can sometimes be difficult to hear that we, too, must expand. If butch daddies want to crochet, if twinkly ladyboys are sometimes tops in bed, if burly bears can do BDSM play as little girls, if femme fatales build bookcases in their spare time, these things, too, are not just good but great. They bring us, I believe, wonderful news: news that gendered options can continue to explode, that the chefs in the kitchen of gender are creating new and imaginative specials every day. That we, all of us, are the chefs. Hi. Have a whisk. — S. Bear Bergman

A lot of stand-up specials for cable are meant to glorify the comedian. They put you in a really beautiful theater, and sometimes they even blow a little smoke in there to make it misty and sweet. They make the guy look like he's a big rock star. But comedy's not really glamorous. It doesn't enhance comedy for it to look good. — Louis C.K.

It didn't take long to figure out I'll never go back to teaching public high school. Why would I, when I can make virtually the same money waiting tables, have no stress, and work half the hours? When I can give away or trade my shifts if I need time to write or study. When I'll never have to wake up early, take my work home, or talk to anyone's parents
unless it's in regards to the nightly specials, the Spanish grenache that pairs beautifully with our house-made mole sauce. — Nicole Hardy

We've got over 1 million merchants who have claimed their businesses on Foursquare, running specials and doing other things. What we want to do is take these tools used by the 50-100 national retailers and make them accessible to our 1 million merchants. Then you've got something really powerful. — Dennis Crowley

He'd seen enough nature specials on the common room set to know that prey had eyes on the sides of their head, were constantly on guard, but predators' eyes were forward-facing, close together, unafraid. — V.E Schwab

Arterial-plaque specials that save minutes now can cost years, later on. — Barbara Kingsolver

I remember wishing there was snow in L.A. And how jealous we used to get of those Christmas specials with kids playing in the snow. — Ice Cube

Attention, shoppers! Discount specials on Harry Dresden's life. Slightly used, no refunds, limit one per customer. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. — Jim Butcher

My first writing jobs were writing Tom Arnold specials for HBO, so I love working there. — Judd Apatow

Look, ladies, we've been over this. I don't even remember killing Medusa. I don't remember anything! Can't we just call a truce and talk about your weekly specials?" Stheno gave her sister a pouty look, which was hard to do with giant bronze tusks. "Can we? — Rick Riordan

Being very, very honest, I've watched more Bill Clinton speeches than stand-up specials. Steve Jobs commencements. They're just great orators. I love people who boldly share their point of view. — Jerrod Carmichael

I developed the pilot for 'Entertainment Tonight' with Jack Haley, Jr. and Al Masini, who became my business partner in 'Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous,' 'Runaway' and several other shows and specials. — Robin Leach

Realize the complicated specials of what we call the "inferiority complex." In other words, what, Miss Thing, is so damn special about you to make you feel so specially inferior to any other jerk? — Perry Brass

That Shay was in possesion of hand grenades was a comforting thought showed what kind of night this had become. — Scott Westerfeld

I always looked at magazines. Ever since I was little I was obsessed with Elle magazine and the models. I would watch the model TV shows, like the specials on Milla Jovovich. — Katherine Bernhardt

To fuel yet another war this time against Iraq by cynically manipulating people's grief, by packaging it for TV
specials sponsored by corporations selling detergent and running shoes, is to cheapen and devalue grief, to drain it
of meaning. What we are seeing now is a vulgar display of the business of grief, the commerce of grief, the pillaging
of even the most private human feelings for political purpose. It is a terrible, violent thing for a State to do to its
people. — Arundhati Roy

If I go into a sandwich shop or anywhere that features 'Today's specials' on a chalkboard more than 10 feet away, I have to ask for a printed menu. I smile at people I don't know on the street and ignore those I do. When at home, I often find myself grabbing my 'back-up' glasses to search for the better-loved pair I have left on top of my dresser. — Sloane Crosley

My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape. — Jim Gaffigan

The Travel Channel had success with their 'Food Paradise' series, '10 Best Places to Pig Out' and those types of specials, so they knew there was a market for comfort food and wanted to develop a show around it. — Adam Richman

I was brought up with beautiful music - Nat King Cole and Glen Miller from my dad, and my mum loved Judy Garland and Doris Day - brilliant stuff. Through my brothers and sisters I heard David Bowie and The Specials, The Carpenters, Meatloaf and The Rolling Stones. — Imelda May

The after-school specials of my youth seemed to be dedicated to exploring just these ideas. They brought us the mean boy who really just wanted to be included and the know-it-all girl who was showing off at school to hide her misery over her parents' recent divorce. — Brene Brown

As far as the command centers are concerned in Raqqa and to a lesser degree Mosul, cut those off. Do the same kind of thing that we did with Sinjar , working with our embedded special forces with the Kurds, shut off the supply route, soften them up, then we go in with specials ops followed by our air force to take them over. Those are things that work. — Benjamin Carson

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials. — Chris Rock

Helping people understand the impact of key environmental and human issues worldwide is something that I'm passionate about. CNN's 'Going Green' series of specials are engaging viewers around the world through important messages of conservation and hope. — Philippe Cousteau Jr.

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. — Dave Attell

I just like doing silly girly things. If I wrap a gift, I like to use specials ribbon and hot glue, silk flowers and things. — Barbara Mandrell

I cut coupons, love specials and believe in buying toilet paper and toothpaste in bulk. It's just who I am. — Hilary Swank

Why did God have to make Mo'Nique a good actress? What was God thinking when he decided to give Mo'Nique acting chops. Now we have to endure Mo'Nique comedy specials. — Andy Kindler

There were a lot of areas we didn't cover that I'm hoping to cover if we do some specials. One is to see more of Patsy's home and her home life, which is just the saddest thing. — Jennifer Saunders

"Sesame Street" was really the first kid's show that my dad did. He did a couple of TV specials that were targeted for kids before "Sesame Street," but really, it was, it's kind of going back to our roots, when we start to get adult. This show gets very adult sometimes, and that's because of the audience. — Brian Henson

Listen, if you are an entrepreneur who is passionate about your product, but you never ask anyone to buy what you are selling, it will never get sold. Sure, there's a possibility that you can deliver your best sales pitch in your best Sunday suit and they will still say no. But so what? Do you know how many times I've been told no for movie scripts, television shows, and comedy specials? A whole hell of lot more times than I heard yes. — Steve Harvey

Here's the plan: We do everything, all the traditions, and we do it grander than anyone ever dreamed! Here are the houselights, which will require extra generators so we don't smash the power grid, the holiday music CDs that will need waterproof outdoor concert speakers, the train set with extra boxes of tracks to connect all the rooms of the house, the toys where we forget the batteries, several gingerbread house kits we'll combine to form a mansion, DVDs of all the classic Christmas specials to run nonstop, mistletoe for all the doorways, the manger scene with a little Jesus that glows in the dark to emphasize the Holy Spirit third of the Trinity because he's the shy one who gets the least press, and all the presents we'll wrap together and give each other as Secret Santas. — Tim Dorsey

The world needed more fireworks- especially now that there was going to be a shortage of beautiful, useless things. — Scott Westerfeld

As far as I can tell, the only unambiguous consequence of the claimed invasion of Earth by beings from another star system has been a nonstop torrent of TV specials. So if you're one of the many who believe the aliens are here, you really do have to admit this: They're the best houseguests ever. — Seth Shostak

The Comedy Central CDs combined with the TV specials are what led to my stuff being traded and passed around, and a lot more people knowing my jokes than I thought. — Mike Birbiglia

When I was doing half-hour shows, I loved it and was preparing myself for the hour shows. Then when I did the hour shows, I was preparing myself for the specials and features. — Richard Donner

The second disk was taped at our all-night anniversary show. And some of those sets are taped at like 4:30 or 5 in the morning, when people are a little groggy and not doing what they would do if they knew it was being recorded. That said, that disk has an entirely different flavor. It's more experimental. It has more of the newcomers on it. It has people doing stuff that you won't see on Comedy Central or HBO specials. — B. J. Porter

Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. I've always written in the long format, five, eight, 10-minute pieces rather than one-liners, so since writing books, the process hasn't changed much. A piece in my live routine can end up as part of one of my HBO specials, and it can also end up in one of the books. — George Carlin

I order various types of breakfast and lunches. I do not just come in and order hamburgers all the time. I order the specials, pancakes, bacon and eggs. — John Brady

I was scared to death because for the comics of my generation, HBO specials are like the pinnacle. I'm thinking of all these unbelievable comedians I've seen on HBO: Chris Rock, George Carlin, Damon Wayans, Richard Pryor and Billy Crystal. I started having a panic attack seeing my name in that list of people. It was pretty overwhelming. — Bill Burr

Both of the twins exhibited a sort of prized Wisconsin Aryan-ness that excused them from blame for almost any caper. they looked liked the protagonists from a Disney movie but behaved like After School Specials. — Josh Kilmer-Purcell

You can't trust the 'specials' like the old time 'coppers' When you can't find your way home. — Marie Lloyd

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy - if they start to like you, they'll get a project going and call you in. — Bill Burr

When I did my first few television specials, my illusions were so advanced that it took a couple of years before the other illusionists could even figure out what I was doing, let alone try to imitate me. — Doug Henning

Where food trucks are concerned, nothing's better than having a whole flock of them at one location. Competition not only improves the quality of the food, it prompts these rolling lunch wagons to lower prices and offer specials, too. — Robert Sietsema

People, heed my warning: That stuff is Specials Olympics in a pint glass. You think they are harmless and not very strong, and the next thing you know it is an hour later and you are in the bathroom of the bar with your pants off, surrounded by five girls, giving your boxers to a bachelorette party because one of the girls is cute and told you that you had a nice butt. Be forewarned.
- from the Austin Road Trip story — Tucker Max

Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website. — George Carlin